asleep
closed eyes; darkness and depth emerge
slowly my bitter mind is drained
thoughts seeping out of my body
splattering  
through the room
thoughts of,
beauty
broken locks
letters
lights
oceans
and then nothing
nothing?
nothing is the absen-
ce of something
nothing in itself cannot
exist,
the idea of nothing exists,
an illusion...
an illusion is when I am with her,
it tastes of acidic tears
they are
cold
in my suitcase with the rest of my
illusions it lies...
in the ground
dead.

my suitcase is dead

uninhabited, lifeless, barren.
it is death grinding
a copper fence full of lies.

i think i am that copper fence
no
i know
i am
that
copper fence
i am nowhere
i am..
asleep

it is  
raining again

remember when we were kids
we would stare outside the window
look for the pitter patter

we would leave foggy hand
prints on the glass
we would sing rain rain go away

teacher told us to.

clouds,
so discontent with thunder an-
d lightning.
always fighting
with each other
with anything
lots of yelling
lots of screaming

poor
grey clouds
cant hold the blue sky anymore.
down comes the rain,
sad clouds,
lots of rain.

thunder and lighting
get mad
boom
sky lights up with twenty million volts of resentment

that was a story
my mom told me when i was a little kid
who knew it was non-fiction

non-fiction to say the least
it was a reflection
a reflection of my parents
and why they don't love each other anymore

twenty million volts of resentment
on my
mothers
face
she says it was
an accident
it's fine

i am not a kid anymore
i know it isn't
fine
and
i dont sing
rain  rain        go
away

I
because you are never here to sing it with me
and

II
because i've learned that the rain has to pour before it doesn't,
so just
let it
*******
pour

its pouring all the time, and even when its not it still is
and you may not see it
and maybe no one can
but i see it
its constant.

i have
really grown to
love
the rain

regret*
regret is the entity that only wanted my body

my body; my body; my body

once a battlefield
oh the enmity that still lingers in my bloodstream

i had learned to love that battlefield
i planted flowers on my scars and pretended i had never known the definition of pain

when i met regret he had on the most beautiful mask
it was made of crimson skies and caramel clouds
he called himself infatuation
and slowly without knowing; i let him de-root my flowers and pick at the scabs of my healing wounds

for the longest time i called the numbing pain in my mind *my fault
because how could infatuation harm me, he was beautiful

beautiful things are the cause of happiness,
he made me happy,
i think

,,,it was not the crimson skies and caramel clouds that derailed my mind for the last time

it was an unexpected storm,
it never stopped ******* raining,

his name was,
**regret

this morning  i have decided this will be  the last thing i will ever write about you,