Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
194 · Oct 2021
why not
aspen wilde Oct 2021
because i will die
and you won’t be there to save me.
176 · Dec 2021
“i’m sick of you”
aspen wilde Dec 2021
you know what…

i’m sick of me too
157 · Jun 2022
parents
aspen wilde Jun 2022
if you knew it was coming
why is it such a shock to you

why do you scream out
when you taste the words
like blood and salt on your lip

internally, of course
because you have to stay strong
you have to survive for him

why do you beat your feet numb
and claw at your skin
so maybe they’ll notice that
you’re not alright

and when they notice
and comfort you
why do you cry and cry and cry
like the world’s ending

because the world is ending
these people are your world
your world is keeping them together
long enough for them to fall in love

but the reality is
they didn’t
they won’t
they’re not going to

however hard you try
you’re not good enough
you’re not doing enough

and even though you know
that it’s not your fault
it’s nothing to do with you

you can’t help feeling
that you could’ve done better
you could have saved their life together
while saving his and hers and your own

and you know you tried
you tried your hardest at times
most of the time

but the reality isn’t going away
she doesn’t love him
and he loves her
but it’s not enough

i love him and i love her
but how much longer
can i save their lives
i don’t really post poetry anymore ~ just words
140 · Jul 2020
arachnophobia
aspen wilde Jul 2020
never have i wanted to die more
than when under your spell
136 · Jun 2020
breathe because you can
aspen wilde Jun 2020
breathe
  let the wind take over
  feel the cool waves lap your skin
  taste the bitter salt
  and smell the rushing gusts that sing

breathe
  you are not alone
  embrace the storm
  feel it caress your face
  the touch electric as the lightning streaks

breathe
  you can do it
  the storm is by your side

breathe
  because you can
127 · May 2022
that moment
aspen wilde May 2022
that moment
when you realise
you don’t want to
**** yourself
- you want to
**** the version of
you now
122 · Jun 2022
18
aspen wilde Jun 2022
18
i walked into my 18th birthday
knowing that i was loved
understanding part of my place in this world

and i woke up on my 18th birthday
with skin covered in over 100 scars
with muscles strong enough to fight for at least a few more years

and i finished my 18th birthday
feeling the luckiest
believing that i can do this

to the little girl who 4 years ago
believed she would never see her 14th birthday
this 18th birthday is for you
don’t give up ~ you are living proof that the darkest times and most broken people can make it

well done

i love you
nearly a month later ~ you can do this
these a-levels are for her also

never give up
110 · Mar 2022
Untitled
aspen wilde Mar 2022
i have no ******* emotions left
108 · Aug 2021
dad
aspen wilde Aug 2021
dad
when the person who's keeping you alive leaves
what happens to you now
sometimes i get sad and want to hide away forever, i don’t know why but it happens quite often. usually i have a different way of dealing with it, but if i don’t do anything i end up hiding in myself and if that happens for too long i eventually get lost and completely shut down. i didn’t want that to happen so today when i woke up feeling sad and hollow i hid physically in a corner of my room, so i didn’t shutdown on the inside, which was bound to happen. i couldn’t tell you this earlier because i didn’t want to let you down and disappoint you, because it’s ungrateful, how can i be sad when i have everything. i can’t help it and i don’t know why. you don’t know it but you keep me alive. you’ve saved my life so many times without realising. these are all the things i should have told you before, but i couldn’t. because i know that when you find out you will be disappointed in me and i couldn’t live to see that disappointment on your face, i’ve seen it too many times, and this would be the end of me. i should have told you this because maybe then you wouldn’t have left, maybe you would still be here and everything would be ok. if this is because of me and how distant i am, i’m sorry, i truly am. i am a coward. something you’ve probably already figured out, but i’m an emotional coward too, and i’m sorry for how it has affected you and what it has stopped me from telling you. i don’t know what’s going to happen now, but i love you, i always will. “you saved my life, why couldn’t i save yours” that’s from all the bright places, my favourite book. you did save my life and you told me once that i did save yours, but now you’re gone so i don’t think i did a good enough job. when you said those words i knew then that it was my duty to keep you alive, to keep you from drowning just as you had me, without knowing it. but i failed you and i truly am sorry. i can’t see any sort of life past now, it’s blurry and i don’t know what that’s telling me. but whatever happens, i love you and i’m sorry, i should’ve tried harder. “when the person who’s keeping you alive leaves, what happens to you now” that’s me, these are the words i can’t stop hearing since you walked out the door. i wish i had told you these things and i wish that it’s not too late. but i know that if you ever do come back i will be too scared to say these things out loud, because i am a coward and couldn’t handle your disappointment in me. you’re right, you’ve always been right, i’m a taker and i always have been. i have so much, everything, i have no right to be sad im sorry. i love you and i really hope this isn’t goodbye. i love you more than u could ever know. thank you for saving my life.

i wrote this after you left, after you walked through the door and undid all the promises you made about never leaving.
73 · Jul 2021
ever realise??
aspen wilde Jul 2021
sometimes i
don't want you
to find
me.

— The End —