are afraid to be alone.

my arm is numb
my fingers tingly

i think this must be
a friendly reminder of my
mortality

gently, i respond
"no need, sir
i am a walking
existential crisis

fear of death
and i are well
acquainted"

She was a thrifted sweater and denim and jersey knit sheets
Pizza breath and red wine and toothpaste
Alabaster skin and knotted hair and freckled shoulders
A tangible dream and my favorite good morning
She agreed to let me kiss her and I agreed to let her slip my shirt over my head before she became
Blood and tears
"I trusted you" and "I’m sorry"
Midnight poems and a drunk "I need you"
I’m afraid I loved you like the way I wrote

i want to jump off a bridge
and feel the strange way the air brushes against my back
as i fall towards the sea
the way it sends a warm, but bittersweet chill up my spine.

i want to jump off a bridge
and count the seconds it takes me to fall
how long would it take really?
how long would it take?

i want to jump off a bridge
and focus on the world as it shifts from the view at the top
to the view of the shimmering ocean
when i hit it, will it ripple? will i cause a difference?

i want to jump off a bridge
and let the freezing water entangle me
taking me under even more so than before
under, under, under

i want to jump off a bridge
and see what it feels like to want to live again
feel the sting of regret and missed chances
and the longing to go back

i want

You made me soft;
A Marshmallow drop that melted sweetness,
and tasted like nostalgia on your tongue
In that place where camps fires smoked and we smouldered,
Orange with a glow
that crackled envy,
I saw forever in those flames.
Just a little tiny taste of eternity
Reaching for me, as I reached for you.
I curled and crisped,
Dribbled into that abyss
and bubbled up in the heat.

i still
do not know
the poem i've been trying to write
and maybe
that's because
i haven't been
writing one at all
or maybe it's because
the poem i've been trying to write
is not ready for paper
and maybe
i'm the paper
that's not ready for it