There was once a time where
I felt so strongly
Within me was an eagerness
cradled by a fire that only
inexperience could kindle

I plunged blindly into
the depths of feeling
unaware that death lied ahead

but o the death did come
with it's menacing smoky
pain. Paralyzed me like a shock,
electricity unexpected and cold

Left me dumped in the stagnant
waters of struck-down lovers
who hadn't quite learned yet

Here I float
face down and
all the wiser

So much of me
Is still entwined in you
Every memory
Stuck to my heart like glue

I’m hoping I don't go under
And trying to let it go
But I can’t help but wonder
If a better love I’ll ever know

They say that poems
are made to touch
the places your
hands can't reach
and well i guess that
makes your smile a
poem

Anorexia is a demon
An angel wrapped in a shroud of darkness
It starts out slowly
Restricting a bit
Chewing 32 times before swallowing
Writing down the foods that you eat
Then she knows you're falling
Maybe you should start skipping lunch
Did you really just snack?
Your insides become an empty cavern as she makes her home in your lungs
That overwhelming guilt
When you reach inside the bag of Doritos
And you want to cry because it's all you have to eat today
No she screams
And you obey because you don't know what else to do
And your sinking in this abyss of loneliness
She makes it better, she makes you feel so free
You think you may collapse from love
Stupid cow
Feel the fat swim around your tummy, thighs, ribs
And you feel so strong when you can go
16, 24, 48 hours
Without so much as a cough drop hitting your stomach
And the empty echo of your stomach feels like comfort
Even though it hurts
She took over my mind and ever since then i have been trying to get it back
My sanity, my personality, my happiness
The light has gone out and i stare at pictures of me
The emptiness behind these dark brown eyes is unbearable
I thought this would make me undefeatable
But i feel more guilty than before
This didn't make me strong, this crushed me more than i thought anything could

When every sound
          becomes silent
and my eyes
        become useless,

You'll
find me
going
mad.

Cigarette smoke curls upwards,
spiralling into the ether and downwards into my lungs.
I sit looking at the cigarette packet
reading the warning:
Smoking seriously harms you and others around you
How true.
Except, it isn't the cigarettes that have harmed me, it's your lies.
Did you think you'd be able to keep me in the dark?
Did you think me that stupid?
Tut tut, lending me your car, not emptying the ashtray,
didn't think you wore lipstick whilst driving, just sunglasses.
The colour wasn't mine, too brash.
I take the last drag, watch the tip flame orange, and feel the nicotine calm
I pick the Marlboro's up flip the box over, and smile at the irony,
there in bold reads Choose freedom, we'll help you
if I rang the free phone number will they help me dispose of your body?
Your staining my kitchen floor, the nicotine is staining my fingers.