You told me that you used to be a king.
You showed me your crown but it was only a pile of ashes.
You showed me a history book, from an abandoned library, with your story ripped out from the seams.

I traced the edges of the pages and felt your past on the end of my fingertips.
I know it's been so long but the thought still brings you to your knees.

You said you had to watch the sky fall for hours and hours and hours that evening.
You were so close to the stars, and you told me how you used to talk to them during the night.
You used to live with them, you told me.

Everyone thought you were crazy but I could see in your eyes, they were family.
But you witnessed their deaths.
Wings couldn't help you
gravity has betrayed you.

It's time to stop holding your breath and just let it fall out.
Sweetness sings a lullaby you forbid to listen to.
You believe that nothing will ever be as sweet as your past.
No love can replace, for you lost all your brothers and sisters that night
so you have nothing to lose.
No secrets,
no family
just you.

i used to walk along your fingertips
and dance across your lips,
i always stayed on the outside
of your beautiful body,
never wondering how to enter in

i would sleep upon your skin,
dozing off to the sweet rhythm of your breaths
and the soft thumping of your heart
but i was never curious about them,
at least not from the start

sometimes i would dream
about tasting your lips
and having your hands on my hips,
but i wasn't enough, then
i was too small; too insignificant for someone as big as you

i kept dreaming and dreaming and hoping,
that someday i could be big enough
for you to consider
but you never looked at me, never spoke to me
and i began to wither.

i can't really write about the way
your skin feels against mine
or how i feel when you look at me
because i haven't experienced them yet

i can't really write about how
your lips slowly curve into
your signature smirk
because i haven't gotten to see it in person

i can't really write about when
your blue-green eyes
flicker in the lights
because i haven't seen them do it

but i can write about how
it makes my heart pump twice as fast
and makes my cheeks turn pink
when i get to hear you say my name.
or how repeating "its okay" in your voice
keeps me up longer some nights
because it seems to sound so real in my mind,
or how it made me feel sleepy and cuddly when i heard you say i love you for the first time
as if you were there with me in that moment,
arms around me.



there are a lot of things i cannot write about;
i cannot write about what most people can -
but that's okay
because their truths are different from mine

instead of putting together bits and pieces of things i have read
and making my own version of you in my little world,
i will write about you
from what i know about you
and not what i think i may know.
i will write about how you make me feel
despite the distance

i want to experience you
(more)
i love you