Sleep in its joyous embrace
drifting and warmed by the fire of the dreams
a treasured commodity
worth more than gold
its a happiness that is only broken
by the wasted day approaching
the first thought to break its hold
warmth of the lover's arms
dragging and lost
weighted against my soul

Kindness is strength
Not a weakness
Nothing to exploit
I, elemental, fickle, devine

Make with mine
You'll be pressed
To find sanctuary
No peace, confined

Drive you mad
My hands deep in your chest
Fingers dig, pressure
Claw and rip

Tear out your heart
Eat it and dine
Strangle you
With your veins

Bleed you
Drink, delish
Leave you
Empty and dry

Flay off your skin
Maybe wear it for a time
Scalp your head
A torch in your mind

Slowly I'll play
Covered in blood
Oh, it's not mine
Helpless, he's mine

Carve up your toes
Cut fingers and sack
Feed you your *****
Burn out your eyes

Better you be
Should you stray
I'll be there waiting
Smiling, out back

They take such work
So many people
So little time
I wanted my dream
So badly I ached
So much to learn
Freedom, it burns

I wanted badly
But not enough to work
Always a reason
Always a lie
I hate myself

Get it myself
Get busy, forlorn days
Once, to be an artist
Talents thought lost
Hands don't walk
My mind doesn't see
No imagination to find

Now, it's been so long
Gave me paper, beautiful pad
Pencils, erasers, everything
I looked at him in distain
Mock my private, lost dreams

It's over, done gone.
My chances past
My future is not mine
He shook, he lied
Not over, just postponed
The future is yours

Not for pencil
But now for ink
I write, paint with words
Work, rubbing fingers to bone
Flipping papers, cuts and tone
Ink, so black, perfect paper, words
First one then two, then three more

Slow at first, no money to burn
I sold just one, then two, then three more
He paused, looks so proud
I crushed his soul, but he found my book
Didn't notice I saw

He shed a tear, one I could never make
He had said I could, but his words meant nothing
Nothing he said, I ignored it all
Wouldn't be learned
It took such work; pitiless toil
I hate him so
For believing

For me

I want to let it all out
Someone hold me
Wipe my tears
Bring sweet solace
It's wasn't me!

Hold myself above
Look to those above
Angels weep
Rally against my fear
Protect me, safe

It'll be ok,
Words they all say
I can't get through this
The years just weigh
Breaking me slowly

I think all about
Betrayal and trust
How it undermined myself
Sense of worth,
How I have to see myself

In the shower I cry
Maybe tears can help
But it'd be nothing
Salty water mixing away
It wouldn't make me clean

I wish for love
Not just ache
Bring me home
So long ago
Make me whole

If there was a way to wither all storms
That protection would be a house
More, a home
Built of stone
Solid wood
Steel and
To last

The home will be strong
Built solid, on stone
Anchored deep
Bedrock, firm

Many will knock
And more will come
They'll be turned away
Cast out for their fears
And bringing unrest
Their storms are not wanted
And the home will stand

It is strong, not of straw
Not on sand, not to blow
The winds will not crash down
Not storm, only a light rain
Maybe repair a bit here
Or there

That's the price of a home
Building protection
From the storm
Defying the world
And being alive

It's a testament to strength
The building or rebuilding
Of love
Where it was once fallen
It grows once more
Stronger now
Far more, evermore

When you look to its eyes
You can't see it without
Looking inward at your own self
Replace all the negative you find
And replace with your lover's eyes

A self, so fragile
With the baggage of a lifetime
Ego and pride to tell yourself
Not to break
An already broken heart
But to mend, heal
The goal of true love

One day at a time
Brings the closure to wounds
Replacing all those words
Fat, skinny, empty, fear
Washing over anxiety

Love exists, it breathes
With every embrace
A needed hug, a quick kiss
When he looks at you
Asks what he can do
Kisses you goodnight
Blesses you good morning

It's the time spent
The commitment of love
With his every breadth
Every touch, every glance
He loves me

She is me, my mind is myself, a passion unto flame
there is no separation, no glorious difference
between shake and stem, emotion and logic
I have the fire of my soul, and it burns
everyone it touches

The twin of my self, my reflection of soul
watches from that small, cold place,
locked away in my mind; she cries
not screams of rage, but pity
she knows my enslavement
emotionally wounded
perpetually lost

Niether really knows the other; I don't know myself
Rage floods my veins, my mind quickens to hurt
words pour forth before I can stop them
filthy, terrible things that amaze me
If I know it hurts, I say it

He stands there too calm, he takes my bits of wraith
Pauses before speaking; I know my tongue cuts deep
he takes a breathe, speaks again, so calm
this only make my anger worse, fuels it
how can he be so terribly heartless?
how can he not see my pain?

The knife goes in again, sarcasm punches through; I have him
his exterior is shaken; he pauses again: close, so close
He patronizes me; trying to be soothing. I know his lies
I claim torture, cruelity, and punishment on his part
he is, after all enslaving, binding me
punishing all women everywhere; I give him argument,
my spittle; he uses logic, reason

I hate him; his words expose my hyprocracy, a reflective self can see
He turns what I say to nothing, insulting me: fuleing anger
he turns what I say I am against who I know I am
Pointing out my actions as childish,a betrayal
only makes me more angry

I know he loved me, but only now
one last letter, never sent
I found today; I think he
planned this, cruelty
the last word
his last, only
in death

Years have past, I remember this place
in my head, in a memory, in the past
where I was, if I had only known
If I might not have been
If I could have done

Questions drive me to write again, revistit, open unhealed wounds
Years and years, years and years, an almost enlightenment for me
So much time has passed, faded, bleached; I've changed so much
my bitter, tireless resentment, festoned, anchored reality
for making him leave, I created this world for myself
but in one small letter, he made me remember
how much I loved him; he loved me
simply because

He made me remember, how much he cared, loved, cherished & hurt
and let me see all our fights in new, shiney, bright light
by letting me remember something he would never do
let me make choices that would hurt me later
I was too selfish, too much pride

That letter he sent, I found far too, too late
reminded me of pride, our first, sweet night
how I wanted and he denied, he kissed, he waited
for just and only for me, he made me wait
and now he waits again, etheral

I am guilty with lust, it consumes me, draws me and burns my *****
The want is a need that shames my mind, defience to what is pure
this base desire, this physical necessity, I hate that I need it
but succumb to its embrace as he lies next to me, deep in slumber
drifting alone, all too comfortable to be disturbed

My mind plays out fantasies, wrapping myself around him
I know he would even covet my embrace, snuggle close to me
My arms would wrap around him, my legs entwine his
pressing against him, sneak my hand along him, stroke
crafty fingers' speak my fire
tease his dreams to mirror my need

My body yearns, my ache is real, my lips are soft, my need drips
I can feel myself, the warmth of my lion's mouth,
its hunger, its desire to lunge, to grab deep, to ******
to feel his body next to mine, the heat of his desire
to ride, not timid, defient against him
that driving, penetrated, disgusting
urge just to ****

I have my needs, he even encourages, pleads
even complains, he knows my heart
Cannnot, I say, cannot and no
I cannot succumb this is too primative
Too much just flesh, too much

A pleasure that must be denied, not for me to savor
my animal must be leashed, controlled
I will lay here next to him, so close and far
My broken lusting heart, denied once more
It is his fault; men to blame
They punish us all
He sleeps through my pain

I am forever marked
My body has the scars
Of a thousand wounds
But there is one
That stands alone

A permanent friend
Arrived from a cheated trust
A gift that keeps on giving
A reminder forever
Assigned inside

Scorn from my mother
Oh she made me cry
Cried and cried some more
Her looks of shame
I was her badge
Her blame
But not for me

It's my shame, my pain
It burns as much as the gift
Wrapped in my package
Not plain, wonderfully curved
Brilliantly long, exceptional and dark

I told a man once
He was so kind
It warmed my heart
He saw past
Although nothing there
I doubt he remembers
He loved me past that

But when it came to choices, plan
I made mine without him
My mother always said
I have up too easily
Quit, without effort

My mother, jealousy enraged
Stubby fingers deep in my life
Her victim's mind
She wanted me, her slave
When he stole my heart
She plots and plans
Stolen away

I cannot go back to him
Not again, that one good man
Embarrassed like before
But now, for pride
I stare at the phone
Willing it to ring
Crying some more

I will not call
I cannot talk
I hear that song
It breaks my heart
My tear never dry

He would take me close
Hold me too long
Have my precious love
He would say, see?
I love you more
His words mean nothing
She drove me, I'm alone

Everyday I wonder
I miss his kiss
Every morning
His arms around me
All night, he loved me more
I could never tell him
I could do nothing more

My number four
Lucky four, I always said
You're leaving now
In and gone
A gentle breeze

Your touch was fire
Passionate flame
Waking in me
Desires, love, untamed
I've lost you now
Mother's newest bane
Your lies uncovered

Your notes destroyed
Your poems in flame
Stories, lost, unwritten shame
Stolen glances, stolen lies
Shattered diamond times

Our pasts so similar
But I had broken my chains
I loved you, dear
Written in stone
I though love prevailed
Romantic hearts bounds untied
Too many others forcing lies

You listen to them
Should listen to me
I am you wife
Not just a friend
Talk! Talk to me!

Your mother, she called
Accusing, ***** lies
Talks so nice, severing ties
I took you from her
You choose me, not her
Trying to break her binds
I chose you, together we're fine

Three years, no job, I let you write
Housekeep you make
Never cleaning deep
You complain about bills
Complain for spite

But you'll **** me tonight
No love, not for me
Only to take
You want to break my will
Break my fight
But you'll never know
Inside, I'm light

When you have a secret
A big one, not that your favorite color isn't blue
But one that eats, one thats hungry
Thats the kind I'm talking about
Secret with a captial S

It seems so big, that no matter how you keep it in
It will come out; but not the way you like
It'll come in snappy remarks, irritation and strife
It will work its way in, and put things through a blender
It'll slice up everything good in your life
It will stay hidden, and show everywhere
It'll be deep, deep inside
It will be everywhere

Secrets are important
Because they mean something to stay hidden
You want to tell them all, let them out
See if you are forgiven
but you want to spare feelings

Its right beneath the skin sometime
Its that second where they ask if you're mad
Its an anger that you don't know why
Its that evisceration of your soul
Its something that will never heal
Its everything you want to let go
Its everything you want to hide

Sometimes its a shame, sins against God
But is it God that will not forgive, or
That beautiful soul you are trying to love
That one you don't want to hurt
Because, like you, they've been hurt enough

So you find your courage, when you've had enough
When you are desperate to try, to put all your pain to ground
Gather your brave, bandage your wounds
Take your pride in hand, and stare fear in the eyes
You'll be better after, forgiven in stride,
Or you will know for sure, that effort's
Another lie

But be truthful to yourself,
The worst lie is yours
Make honesty a choice
And give secrets
the door

Sweet summer's sun
I don't see your light
I only see November
Sleet, snow, and ice
I pick and I scramble
Shovel this snow
Such a great weight

Another women has come
Brought by the waste
Disrupting this family
Tratiorous June's fate
Can't trust a word, too late

The weatherman's forecast
Warm sunny skies, no clouds
No Melissa, no Jennifer, no Kate
Your pictures a warning
An empty sky, so fake
Bitter and cold, broken my home
Children cry, yelling to sleep

I wondered for why
June just didn't try
Too many strange voices
Around, telling her why
Never to stay, June, only to go

Blanket this field
***** and white
**** all the flowers
Cold burn the life
Butterflies, they cry
Birds cannot fly
Deep drowning white

But somehow I knew
Instinct runs true
Words mean nothing
The sky is not blue
Hypocrital too

Its a company that I keep, my last remaining friend
face to face, with his memory in hand
gripped tightly, he sought to teach
but I only buckled, leaving him
arguing torment, my efforts

I curse his name, burn his letters
all traces gone, nothing to cede
to my mind I made him evil
wrong and a devil's pawn
his lessons, underhanded
a fraud, give lies to love
but only mine

I crush his hands, so proud of what they can do
Incinerate his heart, pluck out his loving eyes
strip the skin from his horrid bones,
his tattoos, framed, on the wall
a triumph of my will

I see my self now, the reflections of my soul
the personalities I learned to control
my emblazoned, passions, not less
cooled, but not, never out, I see
only now what he offered
not what I wanted
but what I needed

Wasted love, wasted life, wasted dreams
a poor, pathetic wrench, bitter is all
at myself and the world
just another reason
to hate the man

of whom I loved once,
with all my heart
my burning self
personal hell, made
from my own cunning
and what I needed to tell myself
so that I could finally be unchained

It's right there
All I have to do is close my hand
But it's me, always me
Too scared, built on fear
Everything is too much
Retreat, if not, TEAR
Burn bridges, just run

Everything I wanted
Let me have it all
A silver platter
I'll knock it down
See it clatter
Dent it, all
Break it

One more time
Shattered

I want it so bad
Something healthy
Pure and fine
Silvered lining
Completely
And mine

Someday in Heaven
All these choices
Be clear
Right now
Too close

It's anxiety's fear
What would I do?
Who could I be?
Something he sees
I'm afraid it's not me

What if he's right?
I could be what I love
If happiness is so near
How do I cope?
Where would I run?
To him, arms open wide
To have and to hold?

Could he really still what I hide?
All my demons inside?
My mother's voice
Raising concern, harping
Shrill and painful

Raising doubt
Making me hate
Scared of myself
Bringing strife
Encouraging lies

It's powerful
Like a mantra
Saying something
Simple like
I am

But it's more than
Not the declaration
No, not that, different
Its meaning clear
More pure
Always
Be

Who I am
Accepting, learning
Yearning, growth,
Sometimes
Despair

To see myself
Through I jaded eyes
To forgive my mistakes
Without pause, only praise
Why can't it be me?

Why can't i simply be?

A romantic life is too much to ask
the princess becomes the queen
The tedious gruel of thee day to day
A fairy tale's lost
another childhood dream
Broken by expectations
Worn thin by morning

I often said he didn't know love
My precious prince
who saved my life
But he learned
and weathered

From before dawn
to after sweet dusk
He went to war
And I fell to my ways
He came home to my mess
I abandoned his love
But he had learned

He took my fire
as lover's might do
kept me safe
maybe too much
I fought, kicked
Screamed, to no avail
I wanted out

The slavery of the day to day
Even if he slaved for me
A princess shouldn't
be bored with life
Be slaved to home

Always angry
always fear
I could not trust
How can you
All alone?

I couldn't love
Mine, was not true
But he came home
Day in and day out
Love yous everyday
All meaning lost
except to him

My rock of a prince
But he was not fated for me
He was too slow
He gave too much
I broke his rock
His love to sand
Water comes and gone

He taught me
far too slow
That my love was false
His love was true
His was I to know?

I was raised in pain
Broken dreams
Waiting princes
And tales of undying love
Why was it mine that wails?
mine, to find not enough?

I look down upon these hands of mine
long artist's fingers, worn, callused, padded, and harsh
I have wanted, needed to build so much
but they are not up to the task
they are tired, need to rest

I have shouldered a future I do not want
those to care for, those to bow to
I cannot see the future, once so bright
my sight has dimmed, bitter, broken light
a glimmer here, a glimmer there
that all I allow to distract my path

Its a path, thats all I know
sparkles in the distances
Isolated, broken glass is all I'm worth
twisting in a gale, I refuse to change
round and round nothing to change

Is an angel's wings beating my soul?
steel tipped feathers to the bone?
I hear the voices, but I think they lie
the truth is reality, ****** broad
I know my fate, to be alone and bound
my hands, broken, bleeding, cold

I cry, gashing my eyes with tears
this cold, cold world
I made this place,
with broken hands,
my own

Nothing more
Just a being
Yearning for joy
For freedom
For worth

Never that someone
You hoped to be
Never that one
You wished you were
Not worth more
Than the ache
between your thighs

When you see your worth
It wont be in a reflection
No mirror is worthy
your mind, it lies
a soft, quick lie

From the mouths
of the past
Deaf to the cries
The words spoken
From true life's kiss

I kiss his eyes
wish him well
He is not for me
Too good
Too well

Broken, my mind
but yet he stayed
My wraith is broken
against his faith
against his belief

Not in God, nor man, nor machine
he loved me deep, I drown in waste
he pushed me hard, against my will
told me tough, taught me well
I left him far, made him dies

I'll leave just now
his kiss in my lips
he gave me his love
I taught him emotion
I taught him pain

I was simply born
Nothing but pain
Suffering and distain
I give you new birth
Twisted, my worth