I knew I lost you in advance
I can't say I didn't have a warning
We were sitting on the couch
Like it were just any other morning
And I was struggling with a task
Can't even remember what
I asked if you would help and your reply
Twisted my hear into a knot
Why would you do that indeed
Yet somehow you always did
Until loving me was difficult
and you were not prepared to make that bid.

A beautiful verb, now only past tense,
Felt from that day, to all the years hence,
From beautiful voice, I held it so true,
But tell me just when, was it past tense to you?
We promised the moment, it happened we'd say,
But I haven't yet, and you didn't that day,
Sometimes conversations, they still feel like home,
Like you did that day, by the sand and the foam.
This poems not finished, no it doesn't feel done,
But as I think of a title, past tense's not the one

Should love feel like coming home?
Like shelter after you roam?
Like peace and quiet and hope and sleep?
Like a safe pair of arms in which to softly weep?

Or is it adventure we seek?
When on our lips of love we speak?
Within you you feel a fire burn,
For love's the adventure for which you yearn.

But perhaps my dearest, sweetest you,
Both of these loves are always true,
And in your love I've always found,
Both kinds tend to be abound

Do you stare too at the dot of green,
Wondering why, and what did it mean?

Are you out there unfazed, unfettered, unseen?
Or do you sit too, and curse what has been?
Mad you said things that you didn't mean?
Or is it just I who stares at my screen,
Driven insane by that dot of green?

The limelight dims, the curtains fall,
Unset the stage, we've seen it all.
The story's told, it's a such a shame,
The backdrop's new, the end's the same.
Why do we bother, to take our seat?
The play is sad, and all too fleet.
Through empty rows, his voice now leaps,
And into him, emptiness seeps.

So I say hey, how have you been?
I tried to stay mad but that isn't my scene.
I always freak out about what to say to you,
But who is it that I am really lying to?
Cause we all know, what it is I mean,
When I say hey, how have you been?

Bloodied knuckles, and a bleeding wrist
Waves of a feeling, I haven't missed
I thought I was done with feeling this way
I thought I was over crying everyday
It's just as bad as it ever was
It never ends it just goes on pause
Hurts for the reason it does every time
Hurts in the way that makes me rhyme.

I don't write them the way
I did when I was young,
And these days I don't
Show them to no one.
They're not here to impress
To lie or to win
They're just here cause I
Don't know how else to begin.

So ***** the time scheme
And accept the forced rhyme
I don't even remember
When those rules felt like mine.
I'm just here to practice
Til one day I know
I've written something
That's ready to show.

I hope he compares her eyes to endless stormy seas,
Because I regret writing poems that were anything like these.
I wish I'd never lost any sleep looking for the words,
So I hope he compares her voice to the song of birds.
But I hope he knows poems aren't enough,
She never deserved any of this stuff.
I never loved her, never will,
But I wish her the best even still.

The final piece was set into place,
And I dream no longer of that face,
The puzzle is done and I get it now,
What was done, and why, and how.

Back in the box, the puzzle goes,
And what it was, well no-one knows,
It took me years but I found the piece,
That finally let me be at peace.

Now you got every song, reminding me of you,
But I'm always gonna know that none of that was true.
Remembering your face on a day that was a lie,
But it means a little less with every year gone by.
'Cause everything has changed with everything I know,
Doesn't matter any more that 'cause that was just a show.
Can't believe I thought it would all come back to you,
Can't believe you did, what I thought you couldn't do.

A special place is held within my heart,
For that which has mattered since the start.

The first a jacket, of red and black,
And memories that take me back,
To when I wore two lapels and a hood,
And the days were long, and the nights were good.

But I traded that one, for a hoodie of grey,
That I still have, even to this day.
It seemed so calm, and cool, and still,
When life was not, and I had no skill.

Till overtop I wore the black,
That I still love, when I look back,
And I was smooth, and free, and bad,
In that fake leather that I had.

But the fake is gone, and trenchcoat's in,
But I started loosing, when I meant to win.
I liked that coat, it was brown and slim,
And is a link to accepting, being feminine.

But out with the old, and in with the new,
It's black again, like the old times too.
But who wears this coat, I know it's me,
But who is this coat, going to be?

Who is the boy in my memories?
I'm certain that he isn't me.
Why can I even remember that night?
There wasn't much to see.
Except a petty argument, some broken glass,
And the people that we used to be.

I stare into the mirror,
At the monster staring back,
And I polish up my horns,
And adjust my suit of black.

For such a long time I pretended,
That I was young, and wild, and free,
But I'm accepting who I am now,
There can be no you with me.

I was a poet writing poems,
For a girl I truly missed,
But now I'm just a demon,
With a purpose I can't resist.

But as I stare into the mirror,
For just a moment I can see,
The much lovelier kind of devil,
That you once saw in me.

"In my heart I am anarchist",
I say filing tax for a band,
Who sing Punk Rock,
At council gigs,
On taxpayer funds.

And I wish I could burn down the parliament,
That I stare at from university,
Where I'm studying politics and accounting,
With dreams of finance ministry.

Because ******* it, I'm an anarchist.
But what's the ******* point?
I'm not into freedom, I'm not into art.
I'm a ******* hypocrite.

I woke up this morning and rolled over, expecting her to be there.
Cause when I close my eyes I hear her voice, smell her perfume and see her hair.
But I opened up my phone and realised, that she's not mine to miss.
Cause I had my chance and lost my girl, and I'm just dreaming of her kiss.
But ******* it if I could, I'd fight for her every day.
But even if I did that, she'd not be mine anyway.

One day though, you will all see.
One day she'll be waking up with me.
The dogs all asleep, at the foot of our bed.
My gentle kisses, gracing her head.
The love in my eyes, and care in my voice.
As I remind her that she was always my choice.

My bed smells of your cigarettes,
and you left your lighter too,
and I hate the way it hurts my head,
but it makes me think of you.

I was hurting so bad, that I drove you away,
but I was only hurting, 'cause I tried to make you stay.
I wanted you to know, I wanted you to care,
but you had no reason to, I said it was fine if you were there.
I promised you a future, where you were by my side,
but after all I've done, I guess that I had lied.

******* it Atlas, let it go,
you don't have to hold it, don't you know?
******* it Icarus, calm down,
if you fly too high you'll only drown.
******* it Sisyphus, you'll never win
when will you learn not begin?
These were lessons learned so long ago,
there were things I was supposed to know,
but I didn't pay them any heed,
and so I lost the one thing I need.

I know I won the battle, I know I won the war,
but I lost what it was, that I was fighting for,
It isn't coming back, for it is too far gone,
I'm gonna have to play, with the cards that I have drawn,
Such a hollow victory, I'm not having fun
What's the point in winning, if you lose everyone?

If my youth was wasted, I don't care,
It wasn't wasted, you were there,
Gone are the days, I was a teen,
Time has passed, I've lost my sheen,
But memories, they stick around,
wherever hope can still be found,
I'm glad I spent, my time with you,
These words will stay, forever true.

Memento mori, but not until,
of earthly pleasures, I've had my fill.
Oh perfect sweetness, upon my lips,
and fabric beneath, my fingertips.
Oh voice of angels, of times gone by,
such mortal pleasure, I long to try

I want to live, before I die,
I want to stay, I have to try,
because when, I go
the one thing, I know
is all won't be well,
when I sit there in hell,
and you are so far above.

I remember I could see,
that you were meant to be with me
But now all I see is blood.
We were gonna be,
Forever oh you see,
But now I'm not enough.
You were oh so lovely,
When you used to love me
But now it's all so ******

I cried the night you left,
And I woke up missing you,
And I know it's for the best,
And it's what we had to do,
But **** it I'm in love,
Girl you hold my heart,
And I swear to god above,
I wish we didn't have to part,
But as it stands we do,
And now you're so far away,
And I'm still in love with you,
But neither of us could ever stay.

Oh I once looked into your eyes
And saw myself reflected.
But I never saw what you saw in me,
What's got you so affected.
I now I cannot see you eyes
You're much too far away,
And I still don't know what it is you see,
But oh my love...please stay?

Who holds your heart now?
I don't know who holds mine.
I miss you when all is quiet
But she makes everything fine.
I wish I could say, why I did it
Why I had to break your heart,
But I just want you to feel better,
You deserve yourself a new start.

I'm in love, that's all you need to know,
I'm still holding on, and I'll never let go,
She's the one, and I hope she'll be mine,
Without her, how could anything be fine?

My heart sunk as I read the word,
the most painful of all I've ever heard,
I know you're gone, but don't know why,
it broke my heart when you said 'bye'.

She'll love you forever,
but I think that you'll find,
Forever just means,
till she changes her mind.

So don't waste a moment,
make the most of each day,
I know love is fleeting,
but you should love anyway.

The fire laps, at my willing skin,
as I wait for my ending, to begin,
the heat it sears, and skin turns black,
as I hope this time, I won't come back,
but then water runs, along my arm,
this was just another, pointless harm,
yet I am glad, for harms distract,
and I need time, to recompose my act.

You'll never love me again,
But that's okay I got time,
Never can't be that long,
'Cause forever was no time at all.

I guess that am fueled by spite,
More than anything else at all,
Cause it's 1am and here I write,
But it's not meant to make you fall

I miss the days, when I could say,
all the things I needed to,
When I could stutter through some poems,
And explain why I love you.

I miss the days when I could call,
At 2AM in tears,
And you would be there for me,
And brush away my fears.

I miss the days when I was there,
And you were by my side,
When you laughed your sweet sweet laughter,
And I didn't have to hide.

Do you remember...
Oh of course you don't,
That'd be a wasted anecdote.

As I read the through words that I wrote,
I realise that most are untrue,
I realise that I was an idiot,
but dear god did I love you.

I loved you like Icarus loved his freedom,
so much that he touched the sun,
because you were all of my everything,
and I thought you were the one.

I loved you like Achilles loved Patroclus,
so much that your loss broke my soul,
and I dreamed of touch in my nightmares,
and the way that you made me feel whole.

I loved you like Dante loved Beatrice,
so much that he went through hell,
because ******* it I'd have done anything,
for you to have loved me as well.

But you're so far away,
and you love someone new,
so I have to pretend,
that I only loved you.

But what do I do with the letters,
with the words that still hold all your love,
some days I just want to burn them,
and as the wind takes the ashes, rise above.

But others I sit and I read them,
and remember when you felt that way,
and breaks my heart when I read them,
because **** it I've got more to say
.
The letter I wrote you sits on my bedside,
I read it again every day,
because I'm haunted by the things have happened,
and by the things that I still need to say.

I should have kissed you longer,
I should have made you stay,
I said I would make it work,
I said you wouldn't slip away.

But **** it, now you love him,
and now I'm just a memory
but you must know I love you,
and I long for you and me.

You belong in his poems, so why do I write?
Why are you still, the most beautiful sight?
You'll never want me, those chances are gone,
I know that. I do, and I've more than moved on.
But you were my muse, for such a long time,
and somehow you still, make my heart rhyme.

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions,
so maybe this is just my retribution,
but I wasn't the one who gave up and broke our promises,
and now I know that there is no solution.

I loved, and I lost, so now I pay the cost,
and this is it.

Pearl, do you remember, the fifth of November,
When fireworks lit up the sky?
We lay in the sand, and I held your hand,
as you curled up in my arms.

Or perhaps you recall, that late night phone call,
when I told you I had a crush.
I didn't want to say, you made me anyway,
and I am so glad that I did.

How about the day, we got carried away,
when I invited you to see the dogs?
That very first kiss, is something I miss,
I knew that I wanted more.

Then when the party came, things were never the same,
we had an amazing night.
You were all mine, the world seemed fine,
and I was awed by every kiss.

And our very first date, you taught me to ice-skate,
though I wasn't any good.
So I sat in the stand, yes I sat and I planned,
and I finally asked you out.

Then our days in the sun, became second to none,
as our exams approached.
We sat in the park, and kindled our spark,
and I fell asleep on your lap.

A little later a different park, our meetings now held in the dark,
but they were so perfect.
Kisses were stolen and hands were held, my feelings for you they only swelled,
you became my world.

Then nights were spent by your side, sure one day you'd be my bride,
happy beyond belief.
I slept so well with you right there, you calmed each fear took away each care,
more than you will know,

That first kiss after weeks apart, set a fire within my heart,
that weekend was perfect.
I loved every second I could spend with you, I loved every second every of thing we'd do,
it was so hard to leave.

Weeks of nothing then two weeks of you, never was a love so true,
what a perfect time.
Cuddles, museums, and the zoo, I loved every single date with you,
it was so perfect.

But the best things are those we've not yet seen, our greatest kiss it's not yet been,
not if I can help it.

So anyway, all this to say,
I've missed you more than anything, to this day I still wear your ring.
I would love to be back in your narrative,
and I'll be there in my dreams where you still have me.

I hate my poetry

And so death comes,
with crimson tides,
with cold harsh steel,
and graceful strides,
with burning pain,
and sweet release,
but at least this feeling,
will come to cease.

The last words I plan to write
before the darkness, of endless night,
will be just these, short and few,
I'm sorry for what, I did to you.

The curtain falls, and ushers in,
a blackness, mirrored deep within,
the stands are empty, the stage is dark,
my footsteps echo, as I embark.

And so I leave the stage behind,
the glorious world, where I once shined,
sans hope, sans light, sans life, sans air
I know where I'm going, and I'm not yet there.

I once used words to build a girl wings,
Made her an angel who flew on false strings,
I wrote her endless passages of heartfelt emotion,
as I sat and stared out at the endless blue ocean.

But now I feel to much, to find the prose,
to compare your beauty, to that of a rose,
for it's incomparable, to all else I see,
but know that you, are beauty to me.

So though I don't write like I once did of her,
know that it's you, that I prefer.
For the right words don't exist, to say I love you,
but I assure you that, I truly do

When all is gone,
that matters now,
one last poem,
survives somehow.
And so you read,
and so it goes,
explaining this,
in rhyme or prose;
My dear sweet love,
I love you still,
with all my heart,
I always will.

Though she now gives me kisses, and I enjoy their heat,
her lips aren't soft like yours, nor nearly quite so sweet.
Though she makes me smile, with every "I love you"
I can't forget that moment, when you once said those words too.
Though she's the one who has me now, and does the things you'd do
it'll never be, just quite the same, she simply isn't you.

Of what do poets write, when their muse has finally gone?
When they lose the girl they love, and are expected to move on?
Of what will my heart sing, when I can't sleep at night?
Now she's left me in the cold, and nothing feels alright.

I don't believe in fate nor in any kind of grand design,
Because if we got what we deserved then theres no way that you'd be mine.
So I won't call you a godsend nor compare you to an angel,
And though your absence burns I won't say that I'm in hell.

But when I close my eyes I see your face
and girl now my heart it starts to race
at rather an impressive pace
as I think of you in all your grace
I think this is another a case
where my heart is ever giving chase
as it beats out with infinite bass
at the thought of you all clad in lace.

But I'll admit that in your dress,
You display infinite finesse