You need to reach out
- that's what I was told

I confided in a number of people

Sat across a lot of wise spectacles
Sympathetic coffees
Blank invites
Dispassionate loves

You need medication
- that's what I was told

I popped a number of pills

Over months,
White, long
Yellow, small
A number of nights
Crazy eyes,
Erratic behaviour
Strange moodswings

You need a change of scenery
- That's what I was told

Miles and miles of sand
A sea extending into the sky
My heart became the feather
That landed on waves
And sank
Far below
The understanding of humanity

Went to the hills
Stream flowing by
Which iced over at night
Bare apple orchards
Green and stone
Woke up at 4 AM
From where I stood,
I couldn't see the sunrise

My spirits
Shattered and fell
Along with some rocks
Off the cliff's sheer face
As I ended up
On my hands and knees


You need to meditate
- that's what I was told

Pure silence at 4 AM

That's what I woke up to
And I sat for an hour everyday
Trying to focus on
The "om" I was told about
With the last echo
I was left bereft of purpose
Vision and energy
I couldn't move on
With the day

It's 3 AM

And i keep trying to figure myself out


Ordinary questions...
things we all ask of ourselves everyday


But I guess I expected something a little more definite from myself


I keep remembering eyes

Different eyes, different looks of disdain, different continents, different faces, different genders

Broad spectrum of statistics

I wonder what exactly anyone is here for


I find it difficult to discern why are these people in my space?

It's so difficult to tell

Courtesy? Loneliness? Fascination? Routine? Misguided sense of doing good? Misguided sense of displacement? Some mid-life crisis? Need to be diverted? Curiousity?

Ah, it's just too difficult.


Why do you linger around?
Someone answer please.
Hey, its 3 AM here and I haven't been able to sleep in days.

So I was thinking that I hadn't written in a couple of days
Then again

I haven't really laughed

Eaten

In a few days




I haven't met a real face in days

Where are the mirrors
Oh god,
Looking into them doesn't help

These were my thoughts yesterday
Before I sat and cried for four hours


Gained a fever


Ate breakfast

After
T
W
O
Weeks

If you are in a hurry,
go ahead and don't
bother to wait for me.
My life still needs me.

Some untold stories,
an unsung song,
an incomplete conversation,
an unread book.
Some bridges to build
some to burn,
wounds to heal
fences to mend
relations to tend...

In my hurry
to catch up with you,
I breathlessly ran and
I left behind
so many moments,
breathtaking moments.
Let me catch up  
with them now,

I'll catch up
wtth you later...

Red rusted radio flyer
rests in tall grass,
remembering laughter.

Mommy said if he's mean it's because he likes you.
She said boys are backwards and upside down.
She said boys are young dumb and fullofcum.
She said close your eyes when you fall so you don't see how much it's going to hurt.

I still have bruises, she said.