Pain.

So much all at once.

Awakening to to a broken body she gasped and nearly allowed the darkness to take her again.

Cold.

So very cold.

She tried to open her eyes and discovered they were swollen shut. Again she coaxed them to respond and managed to open one to the sliver of red light.

A fire?

Yes, the smell of wood.

Panic.

Chained.

She pulled against them but alas her battered body betrayed her efforts to escape.

The pain was sharp and hot.

Ribs, face, lips...cracked......water she wished for water, wrists, shoulders, between her thighs....

No.

No, no, no.

She wept now until the thought came.

A nightmare?

Would she wake safe in her bed?

In her small town, where nothing happened and you know your neighbors because no one ever left.

She willed herself to wake and force the memories out....

but they came.

I have.....
curly hair
autism
a sunburn
freckles
a black cat
a blister! AAAHHH get a bandaid!!! MOOOMMMYYY!!!

I am.....
left handed
long legged
a girl
funny


My ID card describes me as:
caucasian-whats that mean?
female
minor
blue eyes
red hair

All of this describes me
None of it defines me

"You will never believe who is dating who?
Can you believe that girl is pregnant? She doesn't know who the father is.
And, that guy...whisper I think he is THAT way.
His poor wife. She is whisper black, you know?
Have you seen Joe, lately? He is really packing on the pounds.
And, Jane is not aging very gracefully at all."
BLA BLA BLA!
I have to ask the gossipers
Do you ever wonder what people are saying about you?

She wants to get away.
Tis why she hides her nose in books of far off places.
She does not like herself.
In me I see traces of her.
This is only natural,
she is the one I looked to...
then swore to never be like.
I am not her.
I am me.
Yet, I want to run, too.
Sand between my toes and the long yellow line behind me.
But, anywhere I go the past will find me.  
And, so I face it.  
And, learn to like me.  
Because in my own daughters I see traces of me.

I am so sick of falling short of your expectations.
You look at me and expect me to be the one you want.
I am me.
If I am not the one you want then go,
because I shall never be she.
Go. Go, because you will never be what I need.
You will never be he.
He is kind, smart, and values me.
He is no one I know,
and certainly not you.
Go.
Go, because I am telling you so.
Take your **** with you.

Your lips, Baby.
God, oh God.
Candy coated sin.
That tongue,
tickling my throat,
lapping up my ***...
yum.
I taste myself on your lips,
warm juices dripping from your chin.
More.
Nip me there.
More.
You know what I need.
Yet, I am never satisfied.
Never bored.
Mmmm.
Your sweat mixed with wine.
Your eyes locked on mine.
Do you like my eyes, Baby?
The cool blue emitting heat.
My mouth?
The way rose lips part
....waiting....
begging for you, any part of you.
And, my my my...
Mine.
You are mine, tonight.
Do you like the way I taste?
I arch?
I moan?
More.
I need more.
Now.
Right, now.

I am not supposed to want you, but I do.
Is it so wrong to need?
You say I am something special.
You never quite say what that means.
I am only a woman.
Another afraid to live yet unwilling not to.
What is it I am looking for?
If I don't know, then will I know it when I find it?
I bite my tongue.
I keep quiet.
But,  you hear me.
You see me.