I hate myself.
I hate myself so much.
I hate the fact that I let you get to me so easily.
I hate the fact that I let you in.
I hate being a lone.
I'm surround by people, who must think Im invisible.
I can't eat, and I can't sleep.
I hate myself.
I hate myself so much.
I hate the fact that the only reason why you wanted me is, because you thought I was a ******.
I hate the fact that the only reason why you loved me was because of my body.
I hate the fact that you can make feel so guilty.
I hate the fact that you talk to girls behind my back, when you're saying," I love you", to my face.
But mostly, I hate myself more.
I hate my body, my 3 AM break downs, and the fact that you never cared.

What happened to the person I used to look up to. What happened to the person who told me they love me everyday and every moment they could. What happened to the person who cuddled me when I wasn't feeling well or just needed someone. What happened to the person who kept my secrets locked away. What happened to the person who said they'd be here for me no matter what. That person my friend.. Has lied.

It ends tonight- The all-American rejects

Your subtleties

They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Over and over I tell myself to stop.
Everythings ok, everythings alright.
But now its to late.
It occupies my mind.
My heart feels like a thousands knifes.
It hurts inside.

Now I understand why some people are addicted to things like drugs and alcohol. It alters your state of mind and you barely feel pain anymore. It's a way to feel the happiness you've been longing for.

I feel weightless like I'm floating in mid-air.
I'm so broken, in need of a repair.
sick of this journey already.

My mind is out of control and so is my heart. I have no clue what to feel. but when I do I feel anger and sadness. I lose my train of thought. Repeat Repeat You must repeat to yourself so you don't forget. but then it's lost. Just like me. everything doesn't seem as important as I thought they would be. I'm like a ticking bomb that can explode at anytime. every person around  me bringing me closer to exploding. Words Words words flow out of their mouths. I can hear them from a far distance. but it all just turns to fuzz. but none of it seems to matter anymore. I just feel numb towards everything. the feeling of peer helplessness. It's as thick as blood. Nothing seems to matter anymore. *Nothing

I feel so dead inside. Im so sick of always feeling so alone

The pain I go through on the daily, is horrific. I try to hide it. Not for you, but for my self and others.  You always try to say that I don't want you happy. And That all I do is think of myself.
But have you ever thought of us the whole way to this point.
I can't speak or move a muscle without making you angry or upset with me.
Your like a mirror. I can't move without looking at myself. I have to watch my every move. I have to to be perfect. Just for you, And the thing is I am not perfect. I cannot be perfect for you. And you blame me for not being so perfect as **you

I still remember the days when you had promised and said we would last forever. Forever and always remember? Do you remember telling me that if our forever and always didn't really turn out to be, that you'd still be here by my side and how you would always be my friend. Even if we weren't what we used to be. Forever and always just like you had promised. But I guess over time forever and always never meant anything and promises are just meant to be broken. Some days I start to wonder, what if I had never let those three little but very important words slip my mouth 'l love you'. What if I never said yes or if I hadn't said all those cute little things we both wished would happen but never did.  Sometimes I would over think my past decisions and ask myself why had I gotten myself into this mess and why I have let it get this far. I myself knowing I would never be able to break out of this cage. Even if it meant hurting myself and even the others around me that I love. Some day's I wonder how my life would be without you, how I would be if you hadn't entered my life like you did. I must say my life isn't perfect and I sure in hell know i'm not either. I'm not the skinniest girl nor am I the prettiest. I have problems and I deal with them on a daily basis. And you even knew this yet you never stayed. But in the end I am happy ?to say I got over you and the way you had treated me. I know I may never get over you as for you were my first love. But I will never ever forgive you for what you have done to me.

You know your sad when all you can do is listen to that one song that makes you feel so much. Everything you try to do won't make it go away. Nothing will make the pain go away. Especially those people who hurt you and are still acting like they did nothing wrong. Those who still act like your just a second choice. All you can do is listen and you won't act because your stuck. You feel empty inside.
Their are moments when if feels like the sun is shining threw and you tell yourself over and over I will be ok  I will be ok
and then suddenly, Boom.  Everything just seems to go wrong all over again. Even after the fact you feel like you want to give up or that you need to give up. You go back to that small moment. To the small ray of sun shine. You think about how you felt. You want to feel alive again the need the want it floods your body and you just want to break down into tears. Because you feel so far away for everything and everyone.  But that's all you will ever be. Stuck in the darkness. While everyone else gets what they want and what they think they **deserve

Only words can explain how I feel inside.

I'm like a type writer. I can't speak how I feel but I can write how I feel on paper.
The emotions that flow and the things I seem to go through.
I go through moments of despair and other moments I'm on top of the world.
I have a decision to make. And that terrifies me.
Why must adulthood even be a thing.
It's sad to think that when I was younger I fluttered at the Idea of being older and being able to do whatever I wanted without adults telling me what to do or what I should be.
But, as I seem to grow older It terrifies me to think of it. I don't like the idea of growing up and that just seems to childish. Oh the irony.
The older I get the more terrified I become. I don't know what I'm going to do with most of my life. This has gone to fast.
The worst part is I want someone to tell me what to do. I 'm so use to others giving me advice and helping me that now, I'm stuck.

He thinks she's pretty.
He thinks she's attractive.
He thinks she's beautiful.
He thinks highly of her.
He loves the outline of her perfect body.
He loves the way she laughs and the whites of her smile.
She's the girl he would **** to be with.
She's the girl he's not afraid to be seen in public with.
And me?
Well, I'm just me.
He doesn't think twice.
I'm the girl who's ugly.
I'm the girl with the crooked smile and the slightly tinted teeth.
I'm the girl he hopes to never see again.
He doesn't see the beauty in me.
He sees the girl with a obnoxious laugh.
A girl who's really fat.
I'm not worthwhile.

As I look at my reflection I am disgusted by what I see.
Don't tell me to get over what you can't see.
I see someone who's been though a lot and is broken.
I feel the reason why you can't see the emptiness inside me is because of the mask I put up on the outside to hide what I feel on the inside.
This is all your fault.
You complain because I don't try to explain how I feel. But when I do you complain and deny.
The only person I see in that reflection is someone I no longer know. It's someone else in that mirror.
They don't smile, they don't do anything. They just sit and stare at me helplessly.

You frustrate me on a new level.
                      
I have no clue how you do it but you do.

I don't know how to explain on how I feel about you but, thats ok I feel that way about myself sometimes too.

You drive me nuts

You are are all I think about and as much as I try to get you out of my head you still stay.

I feel comfortable around you yet I don't. It's so confusing.

I love the way you are.

They way you act as if you don't care what other think of you. Maybe that's a reason why I like you.

Because you don't care what other think of you, when I do.

Isn't it sad how someone like you can make someone like me feel this way?
I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't be this way at all.     Thinking about you sickens me, but you're all I can think about. I want you out of my head. You ****** me up physically and mentally. I feel so many emotions, but two of them stick out the most, sadness and anger.
The effort you put torwards everything was lazy.
You made me feel worthless, yet I did absolutely  nothing wrong.
I'm so angry with myself, because I shouldn't have let you in nor should I miss you.

The sky turns dark and the stars come out once again.
The beautiful glow of the moonlight that shines down brighting up the darkness around me.
The silent fuzz sound heard all around and every once in awhile you hear the chirps of the crickets.
It's peaceful and relaxing to be alone.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a reality and mind set of my own?
A place that I can call my own.
A place that makes sence yets makes sence very little at all?

Poetry is my go to. Even if I'm horrible at it. Endless writing showing your emotions and the deepest darkest things you've hid inside.

My bodies numb and their is a absence in my heart.
I miss them so much, I miss him so much, I miss her so much. Everything around me is a reminder of them. The only thing I have left that's the closest to me is the darkness in the night. 1 o'clock turns to 3 o'clock and so on.
I can't seem to escape how I feel, nor can I escape to my safe haven, sleep. It's like my brain gets pleasure of putting me through so much pain. The pain is even worse at night. When your all alone and your thoughts creep up on you.

Over and over I tell myself to stop.
Everythings ok, everythings alright.
But now its to late.
It occupies my mind.
My heart feels like a thousands knifes.
I'm flooded with thoughts, that I can't deal with hardly at all, especially on my own.
I have this one person I'm bound to call.
She's my world, shes like my home.
Shes my best friend.

Your stuck in my head and you shouldnt be and it's ******* kiling me.

Pretty guys like him don't go for ugly girls like me.

I write when I'm depressed.  It's what I do.

I can't explain how I feel.
I just want to numb my pain.
I want the feelings gone.
I want the thoughts in my head to fade.
Again and again I repeat.

As my days and nights turn into a haze. My thoughts linger of things Ive said and done that I cannot change.

My feelings are overwhelming,and my head begins to stir. I'm left at a lost of all my worried thoughts that have occured.

Overwhelmingly darkness lingers ahead and the thought of processing it makes me feel sick in my head.

My mind plays tricks on me that I feel are so ovsured. But parts of me finds truth in to fill the void within

The feeling, and thought of you touching me makes my skin crawl.
I feel sick with myself, and I hate the fact that I let it happen.
I've tried so many times to convince myself that its not my fault.

As my days and nights turn into a haze. My thoughts linger of things Ive said and done that I cannot change.

My feelings are overwhelming,and my head begins to stir. I'm left at a lost of all my worried thoughts that have occured.

Overwhelmingly darkness lingers ahead and the thought of processing it makes me feel sick in my head.

My mind plays tricks on me that I feel are so absurd . But parts of me finds truth in to fill the void within

I have a horrible habit thats diffiuclt for me to control.
Every inch of happiness I gain I latch onto it.
I ruin it the moment I gain it.