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575 · Mar 2015
KISSING BETTER.
Terry Collett Mar 2015
Anne rubs
her leg stump
to ease pain

Skinny Kid
watches her
sitting there

in the black
old wheelchair
can I help?

he asks her
kneeling down
best not Kid

if the nuns
are watching
they'll be here

like black bats
at dusk time
Anne says

the Kid stares
as she rubs
the leg stump

still painful?
he asks her
yes it is

she replies
kiss it Kid
kiss the stump

he studies
the fleshy
stump of leg

will it help?
sure it will
she suggests

looking up
at the home
where the nuns

nursing nuns
are at work
other kids

play about
swings and slide
coast is clear

kiss it now
she whispers
he puckers

his small lips
and kisses
the leg stump

Anne laughs
get off Kid
you're tickling

making me
**** myself
he removes

his small lips
from her stump
well done Kid

that's better
the pain's gone
looking up

she sees there
across grass
rushing close

a young nun.
A BOY AND GIRL IN A CHILDREN'S NURSING HOME IN 1950S
575 · Jan 2014
JEANETTE AND A KISS.
Terry Collett Jan 2014
Jeanette sits
in the class
music's played

Beethoven
sonata
Miss Graham

the teacher
at a grand
piano

thin wire framed
spectacles
her grey hair

in a bun
aged fingers
touching keys

many kids
in the class
sit bemused

others bored
out of brains
smile or smirk

but to her
sitting there
beside blonde

Angela
is transfixed
a new world

opens up
pretty much
like that kiss

stolen quick
by that boy
Benedict

on the field
after lunch
as she sat

all alone
Angela
had gone to

the crapper
(the wrong week
to sort out)

no reasons
were given
just that kiss

on her cheek
soft and damp
then he'd gone

leaving her
as one stung
by a bee

and she watched
as he went
towards school

and she sat
between worlds
old and new

balancing
her hormones
steering clear

of all those
dangerous
hidden rocks

Jeanette moves
to music
around her

her fingers
on the desk
like keyboard

pushing thoughts
of the kiss
from her mind

closing eyes
matching up
Benedict

inwardly
with passion
like one blind.
GIRL, BOY, SCHOOL, MUSIC, KISS, 1962
575 · Aug 2014
SEARCHING ME.
Terry Collett Aug 2014
Fay's crying
by the pub

I see her
on my way
to Baldy's
for shopping
for Mother

she's pretty
standing there
in the blue
cotton dress

so what's up?
I ask her

she looks down
towards home
the tall flats

my dad's mad
and angry
and punished
me just now

why was that?

because I
got the names
of our Lord's
apostles
incorrect

O big deal
I don't know
the guys' names
I tell her

she sniffles
wipes her eyes
looks at me

but I should
she tells me
I’m Catholic
and the nuns
teach us things

nuns and buns
I tell her
forget that
Saturday
is for fun

Dad told me
to learn them
she mutters
she sniffles
her eyes red
I’m done for
if I don't

we'll learn them
together
I tell her

so we go
to my place

my mother
gets us drinks
and biscuits
and brings us
a Bible
an old one
black covered
red edges

Fay sits there
next to me
on the brown
wide sofa
cold leather
with cushions

her fingers
turn pages
here's the page
she utters

I watch her
her finger
very slim
run through names

I nibble
a Rich Tea

she recites
a few names
in order
we repeat
and repeat
till they stick
in our brains

she nibbles
Custard Creams

I drink tea
then more names
repeated
repeated
like a game
name on name
Peter john
James Andrew
and others
and others

I nibble
Ginger Nuts

she nibbles
a Rich Tea

got them now?
I ask her

I think so
I hope so
she utters

she shows me
her red thigh
her old man's
hand mark there

I know them
she tells me

we both do
I tell her

we sip tea
in silence

nearly time
for the kid's
cinema
I tell her
can you come?

don't think so
Daddy says
it's sinful
to watch films
of violence
and kissing
and killing

she looks sad
nibbling
a Rich Tea
her red eyes
searching me.
A BOY AND GIRL IN 1950S LONDON AND LEARNING APOSTLE'S NAMES.
574 · Apr 2012
HER MOTHER DOESN'T KNOW.
Terry Collett Apr 2012
Rosina’s baby sister died.
The cot stood empty
in the darkened room.

Don’t go in there
her mother said.
Rosina opened the door

and peered through
the gap instead.
The toys were still there

by the pink pillow and cover.
Leave the room alone
said her grieving mother.

Moonlight shone upon
the place where baby sister
once turned her face

and smiled or made
her baby noise.
Quiet now the room.

Unplayed with
the idle toys.
Mother cried at night

and often in the day
and stared through
the window at the far off bay.

Father was away
in some distant war
keeping his head down

in some foreign land.
Rosina’s baby sister
was buried deep

beneath the ground
in a small white coffin
dressed in a ghostly shroud

with songs sung sadly
and tears in the crowd.
Rosina peered through

the gap of the door
at the cot
and moonlight’s glow.

She’s seen her baby sister’s
ghostly smile
but mother doesn’t know.
572 · Jun 2014
AFTER SCHOOL TALK.
Terry Collett Jun 2014
I saw her outside school
by the steps
leading down
from the classrooms

her eyes were red
behind her thick
lens glasses
her plaited hair

was untidy
she held
a grey/white handkerchief
what's up?

I asked
she shrugged her shoulders
and walked away
from the school

her satchel over her shoulder
along Colnbrook Street
what's up Helen?
I was beside her now

and tried to get
her to talk
(not usually a job)
we came out

on St George's Road
she dawdling along
her handkerchief
to her eyes

some one upset you?
One of the teacher' tell you off?
some boys called me
an ugly four eyed clown

she said
who were they?
I said
don't matter

she said
they said it
we walked along
in silence a while

I tried to think
who would have
upset her
who'd say that

to her
want an ice cream?
I asked
as we came

to a grocer shop
haven't any money
she said tearfully
I have

what do you want?
We went in the shop
and she chose
from a list

by the ice cream counter
I gave the store minder
the coins
and we walked

out of the shop
with our ice creams
thank you
she said

that’s' all right
I said
so who upset you?
that Cogan boy

and another boy
she said
I’ll button his lip
I said

he's always trying
to upset kids
anyway he can't talk
he wears glasses too

I know because
he had to take them off
the last time
we fought

after school
am I ugly?
She asked
you're pretty

I said  
you've the loveliest eyes
I’ve seen
she smiled

and we walked on
towards the Elephant and Castle
I thinking
of jam sandwiches

for tea
and she maybe
thinking
of kissing me.
BOY AND GIRL IN LONDON IN 1950S
572 · Mar 2015
ENID CHOKES.
Terry Collett Mar 2015
Enid sips
her share of
the Tizer

as I share
the fruit buns
between us

it's Easter
off from school
sitting down

on the grass
by Bank's House
with her palm

she slowly
wipes the top
off of the

big Tizer
drink bottle
and hands it

back to me
do you get
Easter eggs?

she asks me
one or two
I reply

I take a
big mouthful
of Tizer

she nibbles
her fruit bun
do you get

Easter eggs?
I ask her
it depends

if I'm good
my dad says
she replies

and are you?
am I what?
are you good?

try to be
but then he
my daddy

says I've not
Enid says
I hand her

the Tizer
having wiped
the bottle

your old man's
a pig head
Enid snorts

and Tizer
rises up
her small nose

I smile then
and hand her
my hanky

a clean one
fresh laundered
not funny

she tells me
me choking
she wipes the

Tizer from
her small nose
as I pat

her thin back
and pick off
bits of bun

exploded
on my arm
want more drink?

not just now
she replies
with choke tears
in her eyes.
A NINE YEAR OLD BOY AND GIRL AND A CHOKING FIT.
Terry Collett Apr 2015
Lizbeth walked home from school in a mood passed shops without looking in the windows as she usually did walked past Mrs Hooley without her usual chat about her cat up the pathway to the cottage into the back door passed her mother in the kitchen who was preparing dinner barely taking note of her mother's words of welcome and criticism about her bedroom and the mess there and up the stairs to her room where she opened the door and closed it behind almost in one motion and throwing her school satchel to the floor lay down on her double bed and stared at the ceiling crossing her legs at the ankles how could he tell her the ****** queen about us in the church and the pew and wanting to have ***? What was he thinking wait until I see him next how could he? She fumed and uncrossed her legs and looked at the curtains moving in the slight wind that came through the open window bringing to mind the girl Jane confronting her in the girl's toilets at school at afternoon break and saying how could you tempt Benedict in a church of all places? Tempt him with what? Lizbeth had asked *** Jane had said blushing as she said the word as if it was too hot for her mouth to stay there too long what do you mean ***? Lizbeth had asked looking at the girl with her brown eyes peering and he dark hair tied back in a ponytail he said you tricked him into going to the church and tempted him with having *** on a pew Jane said standing stiff and if the words had temporarily frozen her Lizbeth had gazed past the girl hoping another girl would enter and end the conversation what's it to you? Lizbeth said did you want him first then? The girl Jane blushed more and looked away then walked out of the toilets tearful Lizbeth put her hands behind her head and looked at the room at the picture of Elvis pinned to the wall-much to her parents' disapproval- at the mirror of the tall boy where she could see herself laying there like another self in parallel world he'd seek out Benedict and have a word with him how could he let that ***** Jane know all the details about them and that day in the church and about the *** bit that was a bit low and what a waste of time it had been anyway all that way on their bikes and he wasn't a bit interested in the idea and she had been so wanting to so warmed up for it and wore her short skirt especially and o how she fumed that day on the way home on her bike it wasn't as if she slept with other boys in fact she hadn't had *** with anyone yet in fact she didn't want *** with just anyone she wanted to have *** the first time with him with Benedict and she was till a ****** still untouched still boiling over especially when she saw him at school or when she cycled to his parent's cottage in the hamlet a few miles away and all he wanted was to show her bird's eggs or nests or butterflies or dead animals bones she sat up on her bed and sighed she'd read the book on *** that the girl at school had lent her with its long words and vivid diagrams and photos she'd read it cover to cover and absorbed the diagrams and photos so well that she could bring them to mind when she felt the time was ripe she moved to the side of her bed and remembered the day she'd managed to get him into her room when her parents were out and still he wouldn't agree to *** even though her bed was there and ready and she had begun to undress before him and still he refused leaving her at boiling point and then her mother had returned early from the shops and well that was it the chance blown and having to pretend to her mother that she was just showing Benedict her record collection-not that she believed- she stood up and took off her school uniform before dinner standing in front of the mirror pretending Benedict was watching her from the bed behind her egging her saying get them off get them off but she knew he never would he'd look out the window or close his eyes and momentarily she stood there gazing at herself standing there in her small bar and underwear wishing he was there behind her on the bed and watching but he wasn't there just her teddy bear laying there disinterestedly gazing into space she took out a blouse from her chest of drawers and a skirt and put them on kicking her school uniform into a corner in a mood hoping he mother wasn't going moan at he rover dinner or her father yak on about his day at work and who he met and who did what and to whom she stood there and gazed at her red hair and few freckles and her eyes staring at her how could he say that to her of all people? That ****** queen? I could have slapped her one I should have done slapped her innocent stare off her ****** face but she liked him liked his hazel eyes that quiff of hair that stare that smile so Elvis like o to have him here to have him in my bed o to have it with him her mother called her for dinner her mother's voice breaking into her thoughts breaking up her desires and wishes like a brick through a window she sighed blew kiss to herself in the mirror and walked down the stairs in her mood wanting *** and Benedict not her mother's company or food.
A GIRL AND HER BAD MOOD AND HER  DAY AT SCHOOL IN 1961.
572 · Mar 2014
HATING SATURDAYS.
Terry Collett Mar 2014
I hate Saturdays
they remind me of you
and your last
minimal texts

blood in *****
just been sick
in phone text
you said

3 days later
you were dead
that long wait
we had

you unable
to urinate
drinking bottled water
breathing heavy

looking tired
you seeing
the doctor twice
no result

no end in sight
off to another hospital
another wait
blood tests

waiting
watching
the waiting room TV
nurses coming

and going
you wore your
Family Man tee-shirt
unaware you'd wear

no other
the dark jeans
trainers
the zip up

dark jumper
you silent
like a weary bear
eyes watching

waiting
then a nurse said
you had
to stay the night

so off we went
to take the bed
the last
on the short ward

the window showing
the dark evening sky
not knowing then
unaware

here was where
you'd begin to die
I hate Saturdays
they remind me
of you

at a low ebb
the unfolding drama
the same scenes
after the other

the questions
I continue to ask
inside my head
shaping up

the scenes
trying to avoid
the end
where you are dead.
I TOOK MY SON TO THE HOSPITAL ON A SATURDAY HE WAS DEAD BY MONDAY.
571 · Jul 2013
BRIGHT SATURDAY.
Terry Collett Jul 2013
Bright Saturday
and Jane showed you
where the sheep’s wool
got caught along

the barbwire fence
on the top of the Downs
and she gave you
a handful and you

stuffed it in the pocket
of your faded blue jeans
and you both stood
looking out

at the horizon
the fields and trees
the farm and cottages
the church down below

where you sat
on the grass
last week
by the gravestones

and watched the sun
and clouds go by
it’s beautiful up here
she said

I love this spot
the slight breeze
moved her grey dress
flapping it gently

her hands at play
in front of her
sure is beautiful
you said

nothing like London
with its many houses
and flats
and churches

and factories
and other buildings
and smoke
and other things

to harm
I couldn’t live there
she said
I like the fresh

open spaces
and she breathed
in deeply
and you saw her

close her eyes
and the sunlight
caught her beauty
and you were moved

and touched by it
then she opened
her eyes again
and she talked

of the people
of the parish
and how she loved
the church

on a Sunday morning
and the smell of flowers
as he walked up
the aisle

and sunlight
coming through
the high windows
and as she spoke

you studied
her lips move
and how lovely
her eyes were

and you felt like
you wanted to kiss her
but didn’t
but just watched her

looking at her profile
the colour of her hair
the red ribbon
holding a bunch

at the back
and she put out a hand
and touched yours
and said her mother

liked you
and how unlike
the local boys
you were

and you smiled
and squeezed
her slim hand
her fingers warm

touching yours
and you both began
the slow descent
and all the while

she talked
of butterflies  
and wild flowers
and their scent.
571 · Mar 2013
PLACING ON OF HANDS.
Terry Collett Mar 2013
There will be the placing
on of hands. She knows
that, he has done that
before. There will be the

unbuttoning of her blouse,
the slow undoing, one
button eased through
the hole. Then he will

pause, breath in deeply,
then proceed with the
removal of her blouse,
each arm in turn taken

out, then he will place
the blouse on the chair.
Here she will smile, hide
her unease. Then he will

unclip the bra from behind,
she will feel fingers moving.
Her ******* will fall free
once he has taken away

the bra. He will then lay it
somewhere out of her sight.
Next he will take an intake
of breath; she will sense it

on her back, a warm breeze.
Then he will unzip her skirt,
the zip going down over her
***, his fingers will linger here,

she will feel them, she will
then sigh. Next he will let
the skirt fall to the floor,
trapping her legs in the cloth.

She will step out, one foot
at a time. He will lift her skirt
and put over the back of the
chair and let it hang there.

After a short pause, he will
place his fingers inside her
silk underwear and take down
slow, as if unwrapping some gift.

Next she will step out and pick
them up and place on the chair.
Just her ankle stocking will be
left remaining. She will stand

as he walks around her, his
eyes moving over her, grey
slugs, damp and smooth. Then
he will go. Nothing quite as it

may seem. Each night he will
come, each night the same dream.
570 · Aug 2013
LOST IN THE AIR.
Terry Collett Aug 2013
I never saw you today
in the playground
through the playground fence
you said as you boarded

the school bus
I was at the other end
Jane said with other girls
playing skip rope

o I wondered
where you were
you said
she sat

by the window
and you sat
next to her
well they asked me

to play and I didn't
want to say no
she said
who were you with?

West mostly
he came back  
from lunch early
and we played cards

by the metalwork rooms
not betting were you?
she asked
no

you said
if we had been
I'd have lost
as it was

I only lost cards
not money
o I see
she said

there was a fine quality
to her voice
and her words
were like a kind of music

you noticed her hands
in her lap
one laying on top
of the other

the fingernails
cut neat and pink
you wanted to hold them
but didn't want

the other kids
in the bus
to see
so you just looked

at the hands and fingers
as she talked
of some butterfly
she'd seen

in her garden
and her father
had told her
what it was

and how beautiful
it was
the colours
and the way it flew

and how it was all
a part of God's plan
and creation
but you were only

half listening
you noticed
gazing at her profile
how fine her lips were

when she spoke
how they moved
how her tongue
moved like some dancer

how her eyes
opened wide
at certain words
as if some inner explosion

had brought them to life
and they blazed
like a new world
being born

and you lost
the meaning
of her words
they were as music playing

in another sphere
you sitting there
gazing like a soul
lost at sea

at a far off ship
going a different way
and any S.O.S
you may send

was lost
in the air of the day.
569 · Nov 2014
SLAVE PEARL.
Terry Collett Nov 2014
Even the roughest
Shell of an oyster
Can sometimes contain
A beautiful pearl,

Annona had said
To Amy the night
Before as she lay
In her mistress’s

Arms, and you are my
Pearl, she remembers
Her adding as she
Turned towards her and

Kissed her. Now she waits
As her mistress starts
To slowly dry and
Dress herself after

Attending the baths,
The words still in her
Mind, the kisses still
Imprinted on her

Flesh. Attend me as
Any slave girl would,
Annona had said
That morning on the

Way to the baths, no
One must suspect there
Is any difference
In the nature of

Our relationship.
Amy knows about
This. Discretion is
Part of her makeup,

Part of her training.
Even this new love
Has its dark dangers.
Marcus returns soon,

Annona says, and
Then we must both be
Extra cautious, must
Tread carefully. She

Gazes at Amy
Who stands and watches
Her. The beautiful
Pearl, she now muses,

Drying her foot, such
A delightful find,
A fine purchase in
The slave marketplace.

Amy nods and smiles
And bends down taking
The small towel from her
Mistress’s hands and

Dries the foot. If it
Weren’t for those others
Nearby at the baths,
She would lean down and

Touch the head, feel the
Hair, kiss the lips, sense
The flesh on flesh, stare
Into the eyes, see

Brave new worlds there. If
Only she was more
Braver than she was;
If only she dare.
A Roman lady and her slave girl. Written in 2010.
569 · Sep 2014
EVENING WITHOUT STARS.
Terry Collett Sep 2014
Ingrid stands
this evening
of coldness

her small hands
in pockets
of her coat

I inside
Old Neptune's
fried fish shop
getting 2
bags of chips
6d each

is that all?
the man asks

yes that's all
unless you
have any
free crackling

not tonight
he tells me

I go out
with my chips
the bags warm
in my hands

here you are
here's your chips
I tell her

taking hands
out of her
blue rain coat
she takes hold
of her bag

nice and warm
she mutters
embracing
the chip bag

we stand there
*******
the hot chips
into mouths

fanning our
mouths with hands
to cool down
the hot chips

buses pass
on the road
big red things
with people
gazing out

we walk up
the pavement
eating chips
with fingers

to the new
ABC
cinema
and gaze
at the billboards
photographs
of film stars

I could be
a film star
too one day
Ingrid says

her fingers
half way out
of her mouth
mild buck teeth
wild brown hair
and brown eyes

sure you could
I tell her

a film star
an actress
in big films
she dreams on

I eat chips
the warmness
swallowing
down my throat

bright dresses
and red shoes
she goes on

maybe kid
I tell her
you'll be that

but just now
you're a girl
eating chips
9 years old
just like me
full of dreams
full of hopes

yes guess so
she mutters
walking back
pass the shops
the bright lights
from windows
buses pass
big and red

she dreams of
big film parts
nice dresses
those red shoes

I think of
the Wild West
wild saloons
big shoot outs
with bad guys
guns smoking
Dodge City
red eye drinks
and sweet smokes

we walk home
down the dark
Meadow Row

our chips gone
fingers warm
but greasy

mine clutching
a silver
six shooter
at my side

she licking
her fingers
one by one
another night
going home
after chips
having fun.
A BOY AND GIRL IN 1950S LONDON.
569 · Apr 2012
OMAHA BEACH 1944.
Terry Collett Apr 2012
They say three thousand men
Died on Omaha Beach
In 1944;
Far from their mother’s arms

And their father’s proud reach,
Brave men, who walked the path
Of death, paid the highest
Cost with their bone and flesh,

Another red sea was
This, coloured by rivers
From young men’s veins, lost limbs,
Lost lives, and battered brains,

And far from homes across
The sea and loved one’s touch
And kiss and hold. Such is
The price of peace, the cost

Of war, remember them
And the high price they paid
And where their bones are laid.
Poem written in 2010.
568 · May 2014
NO SIGN OR SOUND.
Terry Collett May 2014
Aba would
have been there
Ole
had he known

would not
have left you so
facing death alone
that first time

bedded in that
hospital ward
that late evening

had they drawn
the curtains by then
Ole?

Was it still dull
that end
despite the light?

Who found you
and were they
there in time
that first time around?

Did you murmur
make moan
make sound?

Aba would
have given his life
for yours any day
given his limbs
his eyes
his speech
but too late
he didn't know
until they phoned
when they managed
to reach

remember Ole
you are loved
not forgotten

Aba and family
made it
the second time
around
but you
were comatosed
and made no sign
or sound.
CONVERSATION WITH A DEAD SON.
567 · Jul 2012
BRANDED BY HOT LIPS.
Terry Collett Jul 2012
Christina sat crossed legged
on the grass of the school playing field

her friends got up and left
as you arrived after school lunch

where’s your friend Rolland?
she asked

gone off with Woolgar
to play football

you replied
she patted the grass

beside her
why don’t you sit down?

she said
so you sat down beside her

looking at her dark brown hair
brushed so so

and her green summer dress
just covering her knees

the black shoes
and white ankle socks

completing the picture
as if your eyes

had mentally painted her
for later reference

she leaned forward
and kissed your forehead

a damp patched
the size of her lips

remained there
she said

something to remind you
of me afterwards

while you’re sitting
in class doing boring history

or geography or whatever
thanks

you said
actually it’s maths

which is even more boring
so the kiss memento

will come in handy
she laughed and looked away

you spotted Rolland
over the way

standing in a goal
between two coats

Cedric can see us out here
she said

breaking the brief silence
why does it matter

if your brother can see us?
Will he tell your parents?

she shrugged her shoulders
don’t suspect so

she said
you gazed at her lips

as she spoke
and her hands on her knees

just laying there
palms down

he does watch us though
she said

maybe he’s jealous
maybe he wants to sit here with me

you said
she laughed

don’t be silly
she said

and you moved
towards her

and kissed her lips
and she pulled you

nearer to her
with one of her hands

behind your neck
and you smelt

lavender water
and her hair brushed

against your cheek
and when your lips

left hers
they felt branded

as if hot coals
had been there

and she said
that was wonderful

and over her shoulder
across the way

Rolland had let in
a goal as his stretched

out hand
missed the ball.
564 · Mar 2015
DOOMSDAY 1969.
Terry Collett Mar 2015
Sophia lies on Mr A's bed;
I put away his clothes
in the chest of drawers.

We go for meal?
Sophia says
(she's Polish
and her English
is broken),
looking at me
as I go about
my tasks.

I'm busy,
ask someone else.

No, I want you
go meal with me,
she says,
her legs crossed
at the ankles,
her shoes on the floor
by the bed.

My me?
What have I done
to deserve this?
Anyway you shouldn't
be on the bed;
if Mr A comes in
and sees you
he'll get the wrong
impression,
I say,
looking at her
lying there.

What impression?
I lie here,
do nothing wrong,
she says,
unless you lie with me
and we have the ***?  

Look, I've got to go;
I have other beds to make
and clothes to put away
and Mr G needs his bath.

She looks at me
pouting her lips.

You not want the ***?

No, not now,
not here.

I open the door to go
and hear Matron's voice
along the passageway
and close the door quick.

Get off the bed,
it's Matron,
I say to Sophia.

She looks at me.

So what?
I tell her
you want the ***,
she says.

You can't
it's not true,
now come off.

She reluctantly
gets off the bed
and slips on
her shoes;
her hand on my arm
to steady herself.

She looks at me.

You have meal
with me?

Yes, ok, yes,
but get on
with your cleaning.

She picks up her cloth
and begins to wash
the sink and taps,
and I go out the door
and close it behind me.

Matron is by the door
of the bathroom.

Where's the Polish girl?
She asks.

No idea,
I reply,
I think she was
downstairs earlier.

Matron pulls a face
and walks back down
the passageway,
her heels going clip-clop
ahead of me.

I sigh and look back
at Mr A's room
where I almost
met my doom.
A MALE NURSE AND A POLISH CLEANER GIRL IN 1969.
564 · Sep 2014
ABOUT ABELA.
Terry Collett Sep 2014
There's butter
on her lip
from the toast

and bread crumbs
on her cheek
where fingers
have been there

and she moans
endlessly
about my hair
or my beard

Abela
I tell her
there's a blob
of butter
on your lip
at the top
hanging there
for dear life

and those books
that you read
she moans on
those deep books
with long names
of writers
why read them?

I like them
I reply

as she talks
the butter
on her lip
rides like some
horse breaker

Abela
how's the toast?

she gazes
at the toast
in her hand

it's quite good
she replies

the butter
is still there
on her lip
hanging like
some kid's fresh
smooth bogey

I see it
look away
nothing more
I can say.
MAN AND WOMAN AT BREAKFAST IN 1972.
564 · Apr 2012
GLIMPSE OF BEAUTY.
Terry Collett Apr 2012
Humphrey sees the dame going
by the door as he’s booking in at
the hotel, for the moment she
seems frozen there as if the gods
had wanted him to get a glimpse

of beauty before she moved on
and back into her life far from his.
He stands there gazing, his eyes
taking in each aspect of her shine:
the hat the shoes, the two piece suit,

the plenty of leg and best of all her
face and the way she was looking
at him. A posh car is waiting outside
the lobby, she stands there her eyes
drinking him in, he ignores the booking

clerk who is talking to him, what is
the **** on about when he has beauty
just outside standing and staring, maybe
waiting for him, waiting for him to go
to her and converse. It’s New York City

1920 and there she is, his Helen of Troy,
she who no doubt could sink a few ships
or break a heart or two, but what to do?
He stands and stares, his mind in a haze,
she moving off and into the car, no time

to think or wave, she’s gone, the car away
along the street, lost in the sea of traffic,
he senses a tear in his heart, an opening
up, a lost chance, beauty fled. The booking
clerk talks, his words like rainfall on a tin

roof, his gormless gaze. Humphrey looks
at the face of the clerk, his dark eyes like
small black pits, Yes, that room will do,
Humphrey says, taking the key, wanting it
over, his day kind of blessed and spoiled,

beauty come and gone, a chance not taken,
a mind messed up, a heart near broken.
563 · Jun 2012
BY THE SWORD.
Terry Collett Jun 2012
Your father made you
a sword out of metal
at the place he worked

and brought it home
one night after work
and gave it to you

after tea and said
Be careful how you use it
I don’t want you using it

dangerously
ok
you said

and went off
with the heavy sword
into the spare room

you called the toy room
the place you fought
bad knights to save

damsels in distress  
or have shoot outs
with cowboys

on the wrong side
of the law
and got your gun

out of the holster
before them
and plugged them

full of caps
or the pretend saloon
where you could go

for a shot of red eye
and once you had
the sword with you

you examined it carefully
running a finger along
the blunt blade

and then
you were set upon
by the enemy knights

out of nowhere
three onto one
and you had a sword fight

and being the top guy
you soon had them licked
and lying dead

and you heard your father
call out
from the dining room

Be careful you don’t
**** anyone with that
and you murmured

Too late
I’ve just put them
to the sword

and he laughed
and your mother said
You shouldn’t make him

weapons of death
it gives a false view
of the world

but your father just said
It’s just a toy
just a bit of pretence

and a kid’s got to have
something to use
in his defence

against invisible foes
and then they rowed
and so you shut the door  

and put away the sword
and got out your gun
you could blow away

far more of them
and it was louder
quicker and more fun.
563 · Jan 2015
BUS RIDE IN SOUTHWARK.
Terry Collett Jan 2015
She sits next to him
on a side seat
on the bus;
they're going to
Waterloo Rail Station
to watch the steam trains.

She holds in the palm
of her small hand
the 3d piece
her mother
had given her;
it's sweaty;
the 12 sides make
a slight impression
on her skin.

She moves
side to side
as the bus
turns corners;
Benny's arm
touches hers
as they move.

Why you have to go
with him
to see the trains,
God only knows,
her mother had said,
but at least
he's a decent sort,
going by his mother.

She likes Benny's mum;
she smiles at her,
and is soft spoken,
unlike her own mum,
who bellows
and spits words
and slaps her.

She looks out
the window,
then looks sideways
at Benny.

He's looking forward,
his hazel eyes
taking in the man opposite,
his quiff of light brown hair
bouncing with the bus's motion.

He's got the money
his mum has given him
in his jean's pocket,
along with a small penknife,
old conker and string,
handkerchief washed grey.

Beside him sits Lydia
the girl from downstairs
in the flats.

She's skinny
and her lank hair
seems out of place
with her bright eyes.

He suggested going
to the station to see
the steam trains;
he loves the smells
and sights and sounds
of the trains.

He had a job
persuading her mother
to let her go,
but eventually
she agreed,
(must have been
his smile).

The man opposite
stares at Lydia;
his ******* eyes
drinking her in.

Benny stares back at him,
gives the man his best
Bogart stare,
even holding his head
at an angle.

The man's green tie
is stained;
the shirt is too small
and seems to want
to escape from his body.

The man stares at him,
his eyes moving to him
like two black slugs.

Benny touches Lydia's
small hand and says:
soon be there.

The man ends
his black eyed stare,
and looks away.

Well done, Bogey,
Benny says
inside his head,
and senses Lydia's hand
grip her 3d piece coin;
her bright eyes showing
small portraits of him
in each one,
absorbing him
like dark cloth
does the sun.
A BOY AND GIRL IN LONDON IN 1950S.
561 · Mar 2013
AS AN ENCORE.
Terry Collett Mar 2013
They never felt the vibrations
Of the voices out of the walls
Like you did, never heard their
Ghosts call from the mouths of
Birds from the fields below
The asylum window, or felt
The cold embrace of depression’s
Touch, at least not over much.

They never counted the distance
From bed to wall from wall to door
And back again, never felt the pinch
Or punch of each new day, each new
Hour, never thirst for the next drink
That never came, that teased
And tormented like good old demented
You, you with the Marylyn Monroe
Walk, the Greta Garbo talk.

From the asylum window you
Would stand and stare and watch
The seagulls in the air, see the seasons
Change from hot to cold, from light
To dark and never forget your demon’s
Hold, your lover’s eyes, his voice,
His sickly smile, the way he touched
You that final time, and all you could do
After you stabbed him through, as an
Exciting encore, was to kiss his dying
Lips as you’d never kissed before.
POEM COMPOSED IN 2009.
561 · Aug 2014
EARLY MORNING TALK.
Terry Collett Aug 2014
Early morning sun
and we sat outside
having breakfast
around the tables

on the lawn
the nuns serving
and chiding
pointing out manners

and prayers not said
Anne wheeled
her wheelchair
to the table

and drew up
next to me
you're late Anne
Sister Agnes said

punctuality is a blessings
being late is laziness
Anne poured some cereal
into a bowl

I caught sight
of Sister Agnes’s glare
we are to say grace
before meals

she said
grace
said Anne
pouring milk onto the cereal

the Lord is listening
the nun said
pour me a glass
of orange juice Kid

she said to me
I poured her
a glass of juice
the nun stood there

gawking at Anne
for a short while
then went to another table
where she helped

other kids with breakfast
still chiding others
how did you sleep
last night Kid?

all right
I said
I slept poorly
my leg ached

and no ****** came
when I rang the bell
well she did eventually
what is it Anne?

she said
I told her my leg ached
your leg has gone
there is no leg there

any more
she said
I know that
I said

but it still ****** hurts
anyway she gave me
some pills eventually
after me moaning

at the ***** long enough  
she sipped her juice
how does your leg ache
when it's not there any more?

I asked
nerves
freaking nerves
that's why

she said
I ate my breakfast
and looked at her
sitting there

her dark hair
her eyes settled
on the nun's back
look at her backside

Anne said
even her black habit
can't hide that ****
I sipped my juice

looked at the nun
then at the sky  
seeing the morning sun
feeling shy.
A BOY AND GIRL IN A NURSING HOME IN 1950S ENGLAND.
561 · Mar 2014
YOUR BLACK FLAT CAP.
Terry Collett Mar 2014
I like wearing
your black flat cap;
I feel near to you
when I do.

I imagine what thoughts
may have run
through your mind
when you wore it last,

whom you were talking to,
what day, what eyes
met yours.
I like the feel

of the cloth,
the warmth it gives,
the closeness
to you, too, I guess,

your death an ache
deep as space,
endless seeming.
There is a closeness

wearing the black flat cap,
as if you watch me
walking slow,
the town, the street,

you close by,
stepping behind or beside
in your invisible step,
unseen feet,

close by,
keeping watch,
keeping an eye.
I wish you were here

wearing your own
black flat cap,
keeping you warm,
your thoughts

your own,
that silent way,
deep love
and thoughts;

wish you were here,
my son, here today.
FOR OLE' R.I.P
560 · May 2015
CHAIR OF TORTURE 1957.
Terry Collett May 2015
Enid told me
about the chair.
Just an ordinary
chair; wooden chair

with open spaces
at the back. Made
marks on her back
where he'd made her

sit so long and where
she leaned back. So
what did your old man
keep you in the chair

for so long for? I asked
as we stood by the metal
green painted fence
surrounding the grass

outside Banks House.
Cross examination,
she said, looking away
from me, her eyes behind

her thick lens glasses
gazing at the fresh fish
shop across the road.
What was he cross

examining you about?
Someone took money
from the money teapot:
15/- it was, so he said.

And he thought you
took it? She nodded
her head. Wasn't me,
I never took it. Who

did? No idea; my big
brother maybe, he
needs it, not me. I
looked at her standing

beside me by the fence,
our feet on the space
of pavement. Did he
hurt you? She bit her

lower lip. He kept me
in the chair. He said
he was keeping me in
the chair until I owned up.

And did you? I didn't take
the money. I thought he'd
give up once he realized
I never took the money

and let me go, but he
didn't, he walked around
me, hands behind his back,
asking me questions. And

where was your mother in
all this? She sat on the sofa
chewing on her handkerchief
saying: tell him the truth

Enid, tell him the truth.
Enid sat by the fence,
hands each side of her.  
So what happened? I asked,

looking for signs of bruises
and such. He walked round
me and said: I'm not letting
you go until you tell the truth.

I said I didn't take the money.
He clouted me about the head
after ten minutes. You'll not
get off this time, he said.

My head spun. My mum
left the room. He told her
go get some tea on. I looked
at him, but only as he passed

in front of me, not all the
way round so sometimes he  
was out of sight and I didn't
know what he was going to

do next. He hurt you after that?
I asked. He dragged me off
the chair and sat down himself
and gripped my wrist tight.

He made me stand there for
ages, him griping my wrist,
talking, talking. My legs ached.
Wanted to sit on the chair. She

was silent; looked at the fresh
fish shop. Then he dragged me
over, and hit me until I said
I had the money. And did you?

I asked. I knew she had.
The face told me. The eyes
behind her thick lens glasses
told me. She nodded, looked

away. A horse drawn coal
wagon went by along
Rockingham Street, the coal
man sitting on the sack cloth

seat dour faced. How about
some chips from Neptune's?
I said, looking at her, at her
grey faded flower dress and

the dull green cardigan, her
hair pinned back by two metal  
hair grips at the side. I didn't
have it, didn't have the money,

she said, just said it because
of him hurting me. I know,
I said, don't talk of it again.
She nodded and we walked

up Meadow Row, in the slow
beginning coming down rain.
A GIRL AND BOY AND TALE OF A CHAIR IN 1957.
560 · Aug 2014
NO CHURCH MEETING.
Terry Collett Aug 2014
Lizbeth sits
in a pew
church empty

damp smelling
old hymn books
on the shelves

hymn number
on a board
on the wall

come and sit
she tells me
I sit down

beside her
hear nothing
except us

breathing there
far off sound
of tractor

in a field
why not here?
she asks me

on this pew
do what here?
I ask her

but I know
*** she says
me and you

don't want to
least not here
I tell her

not in church
on this pew
why not here?

it's quiet
no one here
not for miles

her eyes stare
at my eyes
could be fun

having it
on this spot
her palm pats

the wood pew
don't think so
anyway

it's God's house
holy place
not for ***

she looks down
at her knees
lifts her skirt

with fingers
it's our place
or could be

she mutters
you're 13
I tell her

so are you
she replies
someone calls

from outside
there's voices
her fingers

move her skirt
we kneel down
in prayer mode

as someone
enter in
behind us

thank you God
Lizbeth says
and we rise

from the pew
and pass by
two old girls

sitting there
in their bright
summer clothes

that was close
Lizbeth says
wonder what

they would say
seeing us
doing it?

I cannot
imagine
I tell her

but I can
in my mind
and we walk

down the path
sound of cows
mooing near

and tractor
over fields
and her laugh.
A BOY AND GIRL IN SMALL HAMLET CHURCH IN 1961.
560 · Feb 2014
THE POET. (FOR OL'E).
Terry Collett Feb 2014
He was not one
For the big words
Or the grand gestures
Preferring instead

To keep it plain and simple
And connect with the mind and heart
Of the ordinary person
In the home or street.

He was not one
For the compound lie
Or double-dealing
Or pretend to have feeling

When the touch was cold
He would much rather
Open up the box
Of truth and fact

And lay it out
With the wordsmith’s tool
Upon the page
Of black and white

And with the final dot
End his fine write.
Terry Collett Aug 2012
That Sunday
after singing
in the choir
and changing
from the blue

and white gowns
and out
of the dim lit vestry
into the sunlight
at the back

of the church
Judith was standing
by a gravestone
reading the almost
indecipherable words

chiselled there
sad isn’t it
she said
that these people died
and are buried

and then the time comes
when you can’t read
who died or when?
you walked over
to where she was standing

and rubbed off
some of the green moss
with your hand
comes to us all
I guess

you said
when those whom we loved
or cared about die
and after we and those
who knew them are gone

there is no one left to care
who’s buried there
she looked at you
and you saw
her eyes water

and her lower lip tremble
you won’t forget me
will you? she asked
course not
you said

anyway
why are we getting
so **** morbid?
we’re alive
let’s live while we can

she walked away
from the gravestone
and stood looking
around the graves
behind the church

the sunlight
warming the stone
and her head
and you walked
next to her

and put your hand
on hers and said
I’ll never forget you
if you go before me
she smiled

and looked at you
I’ll always remember you
she said
other choir members
came out of the vestry door

and there was talk
and laughter
and Roger chased Shirley
along the path
and she looked back at him

giggling and making faces
and Judith said
some have no respect
for the dead
even in this

their resting place
human all too human  
you said
and kissed her
sun blessed face.
559 · Jun 2014
TALK ON THE WAY.
Terry Collett Jun 2014
Janice wore
the lemony dress
her gran had bought her
for being good

at the dentist
it had a bow
at the back
and flower patterns

here and there
I never got a dress
when I went
to the dentist

I said
you're a boy
she said laughing
mind you

I was promised a trip
to the seaside
in the summer
but I think

we were going anyway
so it wasn't much
of a gift or bribe  
I said

we walked on
by the Duke of Wellington
(public house)
and under

the iron railway bridge
which made loud noises
when the trains
went across

especially the steam trains
Gran said
not to get
the dress *****

or I’ll be for it
Janice said
I never asked Janice
why she lived

with her gran
and not her parents
my mother said
best not to ask

so I didn't
where we going?
Janice asked
I thought maybe

Bedlam park
we can watch kids
playing football
or watch those

in the swimming pool
or the tennis players
Janice said
it was a good idea

and so we went
on our way
I can get us
some ices

I said
have you some
money then?
she asked

sure I have
never come out
without a least
a few coins

I said
have to do a few chores
but at least
I get a few coins

to spend  
Gran gives me money
now and then
if I've been good

Janice said
but have you money now?
I asked
no

she said
can't have been good then
can you?
I said smiling

I’m always good
she said
but Gran can't always
afford to give me coins  

we crossed over
by the traffic lights
and went on our way
into St George's Road

I told her about
maybe staying
with my aunt and uncle
in Wraxall

where's that?
she asked
near Bristol
in Somerset

I said
what will you do there?
last time I went scrumping
with my cousin

is it countryside?
she asked
yes
there are cows

and sheep
in the fields
and mushrooms grow
there too

Janice asked about
the place and who
lived there
and asked questions

upon questions
as girls tend to do
once they get going
and I thought

of the chickens
my uncle kept
at the bottom
of his garden

which he let me fed
when I stayed
and fed them worms
and other stuff

Uncle gave me
but I told Janice
about holding the worms
in between my fingers

she ******* up
her nose
and said
she'd never want

to hold
one of those
then we came
to Bedlam park

and went in
and was reminded by her
to keep her
lemony dress clean

so we avoided
the swings and slide
and just looked in
from the metal fence outside.
A BOY AND GIRL IN 1950S LONDON.
557 · Feb 2015
STARING BACK.
Terry Collett Feb 2015
The well-spoken
English monk
sits

in the porter's lodge
reading his breviary;
he turns the pages

with a thin
white finger.
I watched the ships

passing by
the window
of the abbey latrines,

the moonlight
on the water;
I recall how her lips

bit into me;
her arms
enfolded me

like a Black Widow spider.
Dom Pierre sits
in the refectory,

head to one side,
his eyes staring
into the blue

(or was it an empty black)
as if God
was staring back.
TWO MONKS AND A NOVICE IN AN ABBEY IN 1971
557 · May 2015
LEAKAGE 1962.
Terry Collett May 2015
Having left Benedict
having to to go back
to lessons after
lunchtime recess

Yiska sensed her body
kind of rebel
sitting at the desk
as the teacher Miss N

began outlining
the brainwashing
for the period
something about

some Magna Carta
in 1215
it seemed her body
wanted something else

and as she sat
gazing at the black board
it seemed to leak
as if

she was
melting down
as if part of her
was seeping away

and even as she
picked up her
fountain pen
to begin to scribe

what Miss N
had started to write
on the board
her -what her mother

termed was her
down below-
seemed to feel
as if a flood

was about to begin
a leakage
as if some dam
had revealed

a weakness
in the structure
a thin line of parting
Miss N spoke

of Runnymede
as she scribed
on the board
with chalk

boring talk
and Yiska wanted
Benedict to be there
wanted his kiss again

his lips on hers
warm on warm
wet to wet
his hand along

her spine
his fingers feeling
her bra strap
and she feeling him

against her
yes it felt
like leakage
and even as she

dragged her mind
into Runnymede
and the Magna Carta
in 1215

and all
such history
she had the sensation
of the leakage mystery.
A GIRL AND THE SENSATION A BOY HAS ON HER MIND AND BODY IN 1962 DURING A HISTORY LESSON.
556 · Nov 2012
WHILE WAITING FOR THE BOYS
Terry Collett Nov 2012
You lay your bike
against the fence
and headed towards

the farmhouse
but Monica came out
of the house

and stood in front
of the door
where you going

with the boys?
she asked
the cinema

you replied
what are you going to see?
Kissing Cousins

going to see what?
it’s a new film
with Elvis in it

you said
looking beyond her
towards the house

I’d like to come too
she said
will they let you?

they might
if you say I can
that’s up to your mother

you said
but if you said
you’d like me

to come along
I’m sure she’d let me
she stood gazing at you

her arms folded waiting
another time maybe
you said

why another time
why not now?
I’m 17 you’re just 14

don’t think your parents’d
be keen on me
taking you out just yet

what do they know
she muttered
the door of the house

opened and her mother
came out of the door
hope you’re not

bothering Benedict
she said
the boys will be out

in a moment
she said
turning to you

and giving Monica
a stern stare
ok

you said
I’ll wait
by my bike

Monica pouted her lips
and followed you
as you walked

to your bike
in you come
young lady

don’t want you pestering
the boys’ friend when
they come calling

and so Monica turned away
following her mother
another daydream falling.
556 · May 2014
IS TO PRAY.
Terry Collett May 2014
Two monks,
black robed,
picked fruit

in the abbey gardens,
tonsured,
crown of thorns.

I turned the pages
of the breviary,
Latin words,

red ended pages,
black cover,
heavy,

psalms,
prayers,
Gospel excerpts.

The old peasant monk,
smiled toothless at the camera,
a world away,

all things,
he said,
is to pray.
A NOVICE MONK ON 1971 IN ABBEY
555 · May 2012
I HEAR THE LARK.
Terry Collett May 2012
I hear the lark, said Alice,
it sings in my ear like an
angel’s voice, brings me
pleasure in my darkest
hour, plays in my mind
like an echoing dream.

I see the morning sun,
its beams dance at my
feet, swirl around like a
child at play, my eyes
rejoice at the sight I see,
dread the thought of
blindness in some new
day’s gift, push away the
ideas as if they were flies,
push all away like one fulfilled.

I smell the lily’s scent, its
aroma brings me out in a
rash of joy, its smell invades
my nose like a vanquishing
army, opens me up to the
pleasures of smell, makes
me want to sniff forever,
drink in until my head swims,
my sleep recalls the aroma’s kiss.  

I feel my lover’s fingers along
my flesh, sense his skin smooth
along mine like a skater on ice,
like one sliding across a polished
floor, the fingers caressing like
a butterfly’s touch, tickling to
laughter, fondling until my voice
says, ah, don’t stop, fill me up,
squeeze all on until the final drop.

I breathe the wind’s breath,
inhale the morning’s freshness,
the air of angel’s exhalation,
my lungs take in like a greedy
girl, sup in each particle as I
dance along, remembering now
the air of summer, the filling
of my lungs like a fish the water,
opening my lips in a happy song,
my voice singing across an open sea.

I ******* lover’s tongue touch
mine, feel the tongue and mine
in dance, lick and lick until the
pleasures erupt, the places engorge
and swell, I taste the saltiness
of my lover’s ***, the sweetness
of the heavenly hive, the tongue
swimming along my lover’s thigh
and arm and on and on, my taste
buds explode into a rainbow of
colours, my tongue feeling like
a snail’s flesh, moving and sensing
until my mind says, No more, no
more and I hear the waves of dark
depression surge in on my shore.
555 · May 2015
FAY AND BEADS.
Terry Collett May 2015
Fay fingers
the black beads
prayer laden

Hail Marys
Our Fathers
her father

listens near
don't forget
he suggests

to mention
your recent
sinfulness

Fay listens
to his words
but then asks

what was that
sinfulness?
you're being

with that boy
who is not
Catholic

he tells her
why sinful?
she asks him

I say so
he replies
you're too young

for a boy
you are just
eleven

so is he
Fay replies
seeing then

Benedict
walking up
past the pub

looking out
the window
of the flat

sitting room
it's a sin
anyway

her father
informs her
walking off

from the room
Benedict
has gone now

from her sight
passed the bridge
where steam trains

often pass
leaving steam
but she has

Benedict
inwardly
in a dream.
A GIRL AND HER ROSARY BEADS AND HER FATHER'S WORDS.
554 · Jun 2015
IN THE SNOW 1961
Terry Collett Jun 2015
There was snow
right up to
the doorstep

ankle deep
even the
Downs had snow

still be school
Mother said
the school bus

will get through
-what a bore
I had thought-

and it did
right outside
the blue bus

so we got
on the bus
and it drove

through the snow
Jane was there
looking cold

by a side
window seat
I sat there

next to her
how are you?
feeling cold

she told me
yes me too
I replied

few flowers
to look at
everything

is covered
in this snow
she told me

but it was
good being
next to her

that perfume
of apples
her dark hair

and dark eyes
and her hand
holding mine

out of sight
gently so
on that bus

in the snow.
ON A BUS IN THE SNOW 1961
553 · Jun 2015
ALL I REALLY WANT TO DO.
Terry Collett Jun 2015
I sit on the grass
of the playing field
at high school

hey Naaman
Ro says
who's the skirt?

he points over the field
at a girl
looking at me
searchingly

no idea
I say
why?

she's been gazing at you
for ages
he says

I look at her
standing there
dark hair
sad looking face
gazing back at me

I saw her in the playground
the other day
when it was beginning to rain
and I called out to her
I remember now
I say

Ro shrugs
so what?
she's just a piece of skirt
he says
how about a kick around
with a ball?
he asks

sure I’ll be there
in a minute

he goes off
with the ball
to join other boys
on the field
calling him

I watch him go
then look at the girl
she looks away

I walk over to her
hands in my pockets
put on my Elvis smile

she hesitates
as I approach
you ok?
I ask

she looks at me
her eyes are dark
as her hair
deep and warm

just looking at you
that's all
she says
nothing wrong
in looking is there?

no nothing wrong
I say
want to have a walk?  

she looks at her feet
the shoes are well worn
the black faded

your fiends might not
like me with you
if you want to play
their ball game
she says
not looking at me

we can walk
no harm done
I say

she looks at me
her eyes are shy

don't know
she says

ok
I say
up to you

I begin
to walk off

wait
she says
I guess I could
walk with you

I wait for her
she comes beside me
and we walk away
from the boys
and their ballgame
and along the fence
towards the play area
with seats and benches
along the walls

I feel her nervousness
she seems tense

relax
I say
I won't bite

we walk by the wall
she says nothing
her eyes on the ground

you got any
sisters or brothers here?

she shakes her head

what's your name?
I ask

Shoshana
she replies
looking across
the playground
your is Naaman isn't it?
she says

yes
I say
how did you know?

I heard someone
call you the other day
she says

I want to touch her
feel her hand or arm
or maybe talk longer
but she seems out
of her comfort zone
and I hold back

best go now
she says

and walks off
back to the girls' area
and I watch her go
holding on
to the slight perfume
she had
I sniff it in it
breath in into me
it's not bad.
A BOY AND GIRL AND A WALK TOGETHER AT SCHOOL IN 1962.
553 · Jan 2013
AFTER THE FIRST DEATH.
Terry Collett Jan 2013
She sniffs the fresh air
at the open window.
He has left the room
to go shower or ****,

she doesn’t give a ****.
It was all a mistake,
a girl’s dilemma, not
wanting to be left on

the shelf as her mother
sweetly put it. The doll,
with the loose arm or
wonky eye, is the exact

words she recalls, looking
back at the room where
a short while ago he’d
juiced her orifice for sure.

There is a smell of farm
animals on the air, freshly
mown grass, the sounds
of cows and birds and a

dog barking. Her mother
said the first time will
seem a little uncomfortable
but hang in there it will

get better, her mother’s
words echo, the tone, her
breath carrying the words
almost adding some of her

own excitement. None felt,
the first time, a big shock
to her system, a plunging
into some kind of hell. That’s,

how it is, he said, groping her
****, the first time for a girl. She
looks at the countryside, fields,
trees, birds in the sky, county lanes,

a house or two and this old small
hotel he’d found on the journey out.
She seems to leak, his stuff seeping
Slowly from her, sticky and damp.

Mother spoke so beautifully of the
first time and love and such how her
heart and mind would feel. All she
can think and say is: big ******* deal.
552 · Dec 2013
DIFFERENT DESIRES.
Terry Collett Dec 2013
Magdalene
sits crossed legged

on the floor
as Mary

sings along
with Elvis

as he sings
from the small

transistor
radio

by her bed
Magdalene

loves the way
her eyes shine

as she sings
likes to stare

at the tight
tiny ****

which press firm
against her

white school blouse
also likes

to study
Mary’s thighs

and dreams oft
in her bed

twisting hot
that Mary’s

soft body
and luscious

limbs and heart
lay beside

her in bed
Mary’s not

aware of
Magdalene's

secret wants
but thinks of

the tall boy
whom she met

in the park
and let kiss

her thin lips
but smacked his

ink-stained hand
away from

her tight ****
and other

sensitive
secret bits

knowing that
her father

finding out
would strap her

one and knock
the boy out.
552 · May 2014
DREAMED OF A KISS.
Terry Collett May 2014
Jane showed me
the tombstone
of the farmhand

who had fallen
under his tractor
the year before

a few wild flowers
were placed
in a jam jar

in front
his wife and daughter
are still in

the tied cottage
Jane said
but they'll need

to move out soon
once the local council
finds them

somewhere to live
I looked
at the words

on the small stone
I didn't know him well
she added

he was a quiet man
cows mooed
from a nearby field

I looked at Jane
next to me
he was only 35

I said
quite a few men
die in the way he did

on the land
she said
she knelt down

and placed
a few cowslips
in the jam jar

and tapped them
into shape  
she stood up

and we walked
around the church
and along the path

onto the narrow road
between
the high hedgerows

birds sang
the sun shone
down on us

how's your father doing?
she asked
he's ok

he likes his work
in the woods
keeps him fit

he says
I said
we stood in

by the hedge
as a tractor
went by

she smelt of apples
as I got close
to her

her dark hair
was tied
in a ponytail

her dark eyes
gazed at me
the tractor sped

along the narrow road
towards the farm
I wanted

to kiss her
but I didn't
I looked at the sky

where rooks flew
overhead
but dreamed

that night
that I kissed her
inside my head.
BOY AND GIRL IN A COUNTRYSIDE IN 1961.
551 · Jan 2013
WHAT COLOUR SOUL
Terry Collett Jan 2013
Miss Snoot sat
in the front of the class
near the teacher’s desk
next to the short blonde girl

with the large blue eyes
Reynard said
never seen a girl so thin
I bet she’s titless

you looked up front
from your place
at the back
studying the narrow frame

the thin arms
the lank black hair
down to her bony shoulders  
Reynard talked on

his description getting more lewd
as he went on
spoken in an under breath
so the teacher wouldn’t hear

over the Beethoven
she was playing
on the piano
to the class as part

of the lesson
you mused
on Miss Snoot’s hands
held together

her elbows on the desk
her eyes closed
her pale features
giving hint

of distant meditation
and Reynard wondering
what colour
her underwear

what hue
her ***** hair
but you seeing
a slight sway

of her head
the hair in slow
movement and motion
wondered what dreams

she had
what place
she occupied
inside her head

how soft
her heart might be
what colour her soul
on that inward sea.
551 · Feb 2015
DEAD BEAT FLIRT.
Terry Collett Feb 2015
Shamira looks
at the sleeve
of the LP:
Mahler's 6th,
box set.

You shouldn't
spoil me.

Summer evening,
a country lane,
high hedges.

I wanted you
to have it;
it's what I think
you'll enjoy.

You can't afford
to buy me
these gifts;
you don’t have
to buy me anything.

I know;
I want to.

We go
to the local pub
and she has a wine
and I have a beer.

We sit outside,
watching the sun setting.

How are your parents?

She looks at me.

My mother's ok,
but my father's
not sure of you.

Thought not;
the way he looks at me;
different class,
I guess.

I sip my beer;
she sips her wine.

I like her
long brown hair,
tied in a ponytail;
her brown eyes,
sharp,
not deceived,
intelligent.

He worries about me,
she says,
wants the best for me.

Can't blame him;
I’m just a nurse
and poet.

She smiles.

It's more than that,
he looks to the future,
wants me up there
where my education
and grooming
is setting me.

Do you see me
as holding you back?

I don't look at things
like that;
it is people in themselves
that matters.

I light up a cigarette;
she sips her wine.

Anyway, I’m off
to university next month,
so I won't see
you that often,
she says.

Guess not.

I know she'll meet
other of her class there;
more educated,
more moneyed.

Our brief encounter
will be a history;
our love making
an episode
or margin note
in the book
of her future life.

I inhale;
I like
how she looks;
I like her small *******;
her neat
compact body
poured into her jeans
and tee shirt;
she a father's princess,
me
a dead beat flirt.
A BRIEF ENCOUNTER IN 1974
551 · Jun 2014
DALYA IN OSLO.
Terry Collett Jun 2014
We woke up in Oslo;
the sunlight seen
through the slit
when the zip
of the tent was opened.

I breathed in the air
trying to get through
the mustiness of bodies
and stale night air.

How did you sleep?
Dalya asked.

Disturbed mostly.

Why?

Well you were there
and and I was over here,
and you slept so peacefully,
your breathing so regular,
so neat.

She looked around at me
from the zip
and said,
how did that disturb you?

I was wake
and couldn't sleep
and seeing you sleeping
disturbed me.

Why couldn't you sleep?

Too much *****,
too much heavy food,
I don't know,
just couldn't get off.

You oughtn't
to be here anyway,
she said,
if the Yank girl
hadn't gone off
into your tent
with the Aussie guy
to do whatever,
you would be there
with him.

What was I to do
sleep out
in the cold night air?
I would have caught
pneumonia or such.

It shocked the ****
out of me
seeing you there
in my tent
when I woke this morning,
Dalya said.

Then I realized
the Yank prat
wasn't here
and put one
and one together.

Don't make a habit of this.

Well, you tell her
to keep out of my tent
and I’ll tell the Aussie
to have his *** elsewhere,
I said.

I'm going for a shower,
she said,
I’ll call out to her
to get out of your tent
on the way
and then you can get
your gear
to shower and dress.

She went out the tent
with her towel
and changed of clothing.

I lay there
in yesterday's clothes,
feeling yuk and tired,
gazing at the scenery
through the slit
of the zip area.

When I entered her tent
the night before
she was asleep,
so I crept to the other side
of the tent and slept
on top of the sleeping bag
of the Yank girl,
only I didn't sleep
too well,
but I watched Dalya,
the sleeping beauty,
sleeping
in her sleeping bag
zipped up and tidy
and blew a kiss
from my palm
which touched
her shoulder.

I always smiled
at that
as I got older.
A BOY AND GIRL CAMPING THROUGH EUROPE IN 1974 AND AT OSLO.
550 · Jul 2013
BATTERED MOTHERS.
Terry Collett Jul 2013
No child ought to see
Its mother battered;
It leaves behind to
Stew in mind the wrong
Impression. But young
Ceili did, all too
Often; her father’s
Fist through the tense air,
Almost unseen, yet
Captured by youthful
Eyes, keen to view, as

Young eyes are: the red
Bloodied mouth, the split
Lip, the blackened eye
The bruised jaw, the hurt
Huddled body on
The hard kitchen floor;
And if pushed to the
Back of the mind, it
Soon crawled out to scare
And torment her when

The lights went out, and
The high screams and shouts
Replayed themselves in
Her ears, over and
Over, like the stuck
Needle on that old
78 record
Her father played when
Drunk, of Joseph Locke,
As he sat in his
Chair that would go back
And forth and then rock,
Slow rock and slow rock.
poem composed in 2009.
Terry Collett May 2014
Mrs Cleves
her husband
long ago

elbowed out
allowed me in
the young guy

the green
at the gills guy
come around

she said
bring a bottle
I'll put on

the Mahler
1st or 2nd
and we can drink

and talk and whatsoever
so when evening came
and work was done

and dinner eaten
I took off
to Mrs Cleves's place

and she welcomed me in
with her usual
soft spoken voice

and Scottish tones
and she poured
the drinks

and put on
the Mahler
on the Hi-Fi

and she talked
about her day
and I talked

about mine
and so Benny
she said

how's it going?
how's the writing?
heard any music

you think
I should hear?
I sipped my drink

(usually Scotch)
and said
well the writings

coming along slow
but I heard
this Delius guy's music

and it kind of
turned me on  
I said

Delius?
she said
think I've heard of him

she drained
her glass
and poured

another gin
the Mahler played
in the background

she'd put on
her a tight fitting dress
short above

her knees
she sat
crossed legged

then uncrossed them
then crossed them again
I’ve heard tell

that one
of the young girls
has her eyes

on you
she said
news to me

I said
the student girl
long hair

middle class
Mrs Cleves said
nice ***

I understand
I sipped the drink
the Mahler movement

was slow
emotional
O her

yes she's been
talking to me
I said

given me a book
by Pound
Pound?

Mrs Cleves said
yes
some American poet

I said
why
did she give you

the book?
she asked
don't know

guess she thought
I might like it
no female

gives a man
a book of poems
unless she's

after something
Mrs Cleves said
like the Robert Burns

book you gave me
you mean?
I said smiling

that's different
she said
I drained my glass

and she poured another
leaning over me
her eyes gazing

into mine  
how about bed Benny?
she said

the Mahler moved on
to a louder movement
lively

crashing
I drank in
her perfume

her breath breathed
on me
and so we went

to her room
and bed
and undressed

and the Mahler
became far away
like under water

sounding
the curtains drawn
against the night

the moon shining
through the pink
flowered cloth

I didn't tell her
about
the student girl's

fine *** or ***
in case
of her wrath.
MARRIED WOMAN AND YOUNG GUY IN 1974.
550 · Jul 2012
KISS OR KISSES.
Terry Collett Jul 2012
The kiss, Alber knows,
is the sign of great love
or great betrayal. Juliette
presses her lips to his.

There is spittle there
Somewhere, but neither
cares nor senses any of that.

In between kisses she talks
of the pregnant black cat.

He remembers his first kiss,
that girl whose mother never
trusted him as a boy, gave
him his first joy. Where had
it been? he asked inwardly,
pressing his lips to Juliette’s,
ah, yes, in the porch of her
parent’s house, the moon
bright, stars out like sprinkled
sugar on an expanded black cloth.

And about their heads that
**** moth. Juliette saying,
funny how they have such
low bellies, pregnant cats,
and have so many. He moves
his tongue inside her mouth,
along her teeth, touching her
tongue, exchanging warm fluids.

He presses his hands onto her
buttocks, feeling the softness
through cloth. She silent now,
and there about their heads,
that big brown fluttering moth.
549 · Jan 2014
JUDITH REFECTED.
Terry Collett Jan 2014
Judith sat on her bed
the window showed
night sky

and moon
and stars
she'd been

carol singing
with the choir
walking the route

outlined
singing at houses
to people

she and Benedict
amongst others
the parson

had the torch
others battery lamps
to read from sheets

she had walked
with Benedict
close by

near to his elbow
breathed in
his air

not cold
his hands
holding the sheet

if I lean closer
I can rub mine
against his

she did
skin on skin
she lifted her eyes

from the sheet
with words of carols
studied his face

lit up by
lamp light
hazel eyes

lips open
now closed
kiss

O if
maybe he will
if

she leaned in
he looked up
from the sheet

looked at the others
nearby rustling sheets
moving lamps

shadowed
he moved in
please kiss

she sensed him near
lips brushed
closer please

touch me
fill me
empty me

he moved in
pressed his lips
to hers

all else blanked
moon
stars

sky
others
rustling sheets

light gone
all else
but the kiss

the lips
undone
opened up

filled
she sensed
knife-like wounds

in her being
in her heart
in her ***

her heart somersaulted
her lips burned
to bright red

and branded his
more more
press

into me
seal our lips
as one

his free hand
encircled her
hers

encircled him
her bed creaked
she moved

further back
their lips
had parted

carols began
others sang
he and she

rustled sheets
lips aflame
she felt older

than her 13 years
at that moment
in time

he seemed ancient
in his 14 years aged
just love

lips
kiss
no crime.
A GIRL AND BOY IN 1961 CAROL SINGING AT CHRISTMAS.
548 · Feb 2012
DON'T KNOW WHERE.
Terry Collett Feb 2012
Don’t know where
she said

standing by the back gate
which backed

onto the woods
with the evening creeping in

and she having snuck out
of her house without

her mother seeing
looked quite nervous

and kept looking back
over her shoulder

as if her mother
may have followed

can’t go to my place
she said

or mine you said
they’re always there

especially this time
of an evening

what about the hay barn?
You suggested

looking at her eyes
blue cornflowers

and that smile
that could have lit

fires in dark places
and she said

don’t want no hay stalks
touching my ***

and she laughed
and you wanted to capture

her laughter
and that smile

and her bright blue eyes
and your youth

and that thinking
you had forever

and the monopoly
on truth.
547 · Oct 2014
ESSENTIALS.
Terry Collett Oct 2014
Catapult
small penknife
a few stones
handkerchief
piece of string
1/-
on the grass
by Banks House

is that it?
Janice asks

it's all there
I reply

why do boys
carry stuff
in pockets?

essentials
that is all
I tell her

she sits there
on the grass
in her green
summer dress
with that red
cloth beret
in her lap

what do girls
carry then
in pockets?

she empties
a pocket
in her dress
one hanky
one boiled sweet
her gran gave
and 3d

and that's it
she tells me

can I have
the boiled sweet?
I ask her

if you like

she unwraps
the boiled sweet
and puts it
in my mouth

we could go
to the beach
next Monday
if your mum
says you can
Janice says

I study
her blue eyes
there're white clouds
captured there

I’ll ask her
I reply

a pigeon
flies on by
flapping wings

inside me
deep inside
something sings.
A BOY AND GIRL IN 1950S LONDON
547 · Mar 2014
CONVERSED MORE.
Terry Collett Mar 2014
I sometimes wish
we conversed more
you and I,
but we rarely did.

We both preferred
the silence
to over talk;
each shared

a Stoic philosophy,
Spartan in our ways,
even in our former days.  
Sometimes, my son,

I wish I had said more
and you to me,
but it wasn't our way;
I guess we were

more alike
than I thought,
preferring reason,
to emotional turmoil,

preferring the calm
before the storm,
our quiet hand
upon the helm of ship,

our steadiness
against the tides
of trudging time.
I wish that we

had said more in words
to each the other
over the recent years,
before your death

had silenced you,
before the grief set in
and tore
at soul and mind.

I still converse with you,
my son,
but in a different
manner now,

more open,
more expressive,
knowing you will hear
in your quiet way,

even after death,
after days, months
and years, after hurt
and pain and tears.

I wish sometimes
we conversed more
you and I,
that we had said

the things that now
I wish to say,
but we were more alike
than I thought then,

not just father and son,
but kindred
philosophical
gentle men.
REGARDING CONVERSING WITH MY LATE SON OLE.
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