I hear them come quick
in short little fits.
Tainted bursts lifted out of lungs thick with poison.

Deal with this.
"Yo, pass that ****."
Glide through mists of green grass, red brick, and grey stone.

This is not my backyard.

"Please stay with me so I'm not all alone."
Pale fingers on a quest to make contact with skin.
"I'm so overwhelmed, I don't know where to begin."
I'm never going back home again.
It doesn't even exist.

She says there's a system.
God made all the rules and set it in motion,
then calmly walked away
to leave us to our own devices (enterprises, surprises, demises)
Come what may.

"There's a philosopher who said that some people spend too much time playing with the meaning of objects in their heads. It can get to a point where nothing makes any sense, and they go crazy. Some of these people find a way to describe it, and they're known as poets."

The moon knows better than anyone,
with her sly smile reflected off the lake,
and all that light stolen from the sun.

"Do you know what I wish?"
No, and please, don't finish.
We are far from being done.
Let's not end it before we've begun.

This is my backyard.

If I'm just a zero,
then you are the one.

I am reminded that the women before me also had their bodies turned into sinking ships.
Captained by reckless men
who abandoned deck,
When their words could no longer be used as anchors.

That word you wrote on my hand
Next to the scar from the day my heart was last broken
Right after you said my hands were beautiful,
Right after you said,
"Your hands look the way I wish my hands looked."
And I said
"Take them."
And slid them across the table to yours,
That word,
Galaxies,
I wonder what it means to you.
I only know
What it means to me.
It means
The first time someone I loved
Truly made me feel loved.
Touched me with tenderness.
Tucked my hair behind my ear.
That word...
I have a confession to make.
I waited, I did,
I actually think I waited until
You backed away from me-
Just to be sure it wasn't your proximity, your continued kindness,
That made me want to do it-
But the day you said you couldn't handle being loved that much right now,
I walked to the center of town
And I told the tattoo artist I needed an exact copy.
It's on my ribs,
Just under my right breast:
Galaxies.
It reminds me
Of how I deserve to be touched-
Gently. Kindly. Tenderly.
I didn't let the ink fade from my hands
Until I knew I'd have a copy of it forever in your handwriting.
I am afraid you will come back
And sink me to the bed beneath you again
And press your skin against mine
And see the evidence that I meant everything I ever said to you.
And I'm even more afraid
You won't.
I don't know what I'll say to you
If it ever comes to that,
If you ever discover it.
I know you'll know instantly.
I know you'll be afraid.
But it doesn't just mean you, to me.
That word, that wound,
Means that even when I'm old and life has done its worst
(And with any luck, its best as well)
I will never, ever forget
The first time someone I loved
Treated me the way I deserve to be treated
(If only
For a moment.)

Yesterday tasted like teardrops
Each droplet the loneliest messenger
The saline was tougher than usual this time
It skipped my cheek bone
Lit up my taste buds like gunfire
And now my mouth is drowning in the vowels tomorrow has to offer

Yesterday felt like monster truck tire marks
On the junk car assembly line
Yesterday never felt this deadly before
Those weapons
The ones with dragons painted on the side
The big purple ones with names like Beast or Destroyer
With fire decals that looked fake enough to smile at
Were real enough to crush us
Crush yesterday
Crush everything we always wanted to be
And I've never been so ready for nothing to exist

Yesterday sounded like daffodils in December
The silence only former lovers know
Each petal looking for one last chance you know it doesn't deserve
Yesterday sounded like a good time to give up
To get the hell out of here
Yesterday makes a fool of the horizon
Pretending there is nothing worth searching for
Like there is nothing left at all

It’s morning
Today hits you in the forehead with a spitball
Grabs you out of bed
Points you to the windowsill
And smiles

You turn around
Bed just out of arm's reach
But today taps you on the shoulder
Leans in and whispers the good news mom used to leave you with at the bus stop
It blends in with the cool breeze for a moment
You go outside
Grab that jacket your grandmother bought you last Christmas
Zip it up right above your bellybutton
And remember the wind can give the best advice

Today brought you your favorite mixtape
The one you left in your high school locker
And today likes the stereo real loud
You cruise with the windows down all day
You drive west
Swear you can beat the sunset
You imagine you're driving a monster truck
And you destroy today
Take everything you ever wanted back
You see yesterday in the rear view mirror as you approach the beach

It's dusk

You smile

You jump right in the water and know there's no turning back

dad left
for his second tour of duty
on my third birthday

mom kept
a jar full of jelly beans
on the living room coffee table

every night
she gave me one to eat, saying
"when these jelly beans
are all eaten up,
dad will come back home"

sometimes
i would sneak another,
to help dad come home sooner

one night
the phone rang
and i watched mom
wipe away a tear
as she filled
the jar
back
up