I pretend as if im okay, as if my life was full of daisies and butterflies, as if it was clear blue sunny skies with birds chirping and peaceful sounds of water falls. As i pretend to be okay or content - it still runs in my mind - you; the girl who changed my life for the better, the girl who i wouldnt change a **** thing about. Its been about a month now since we broke up but still seeing you and doing all the things we still do is killing me - i met someone new who made me forget about you for a moment - but she said "it was more guilt than lust" That was fun and happy but then it ended & i ended up coming back to - you. As if youre happy with your boyfriend i still continue to wait on my chance again - i get my hopes so high. The chance of meeting someone new sickens me. What if they left me for someone else again? What if they arent really about it? As i pretend not wanting anyone else for the better sickens me too. Im stuck between lust and in love all over again - someone can catch my attention quick & id give them my mind - my feelings - my kiss *** kisses and hugs and etc. but i still pretend to be okay. I wanted to continue this fantasy i had with you - a life i wanted to build with you but youre happy with him.. As im utterly confused about another girl. I couldnt drop you for nothing, if i cant be apart of your life as friends while being or having a benefit with someone else - i couldn't do it. As i pretend to be okay - to see you so happy with him.. I still question why i held you back for so long .. I wish i was okay .. I wish i couldve taken a step further to make you happy.. I pretend so much..