Did I choose this life
Or did it choose me?
Did I take the path I took
believing I was free?

Was it me that took the first step?
If it was I'm not sure why
my ankles and wrists have scars
from where pain pulled me along
and all the while you know
I sang a happy song
convinced that I'm right where I belong

Here.

Here is where my deepest
fears are all covered up by
dear friends that I just met yesterday
But it's like I've known them my whole life
convinced beyond all doubt that
this is what freedom feels like

They like me after all
These people who chant the happy song
along with me, blissfully unaware that
none of us are really free.
In reality it's all one big scheme
cooked up by our darkest memories
because remembering hurts too much
with pain we'd all rather not touch

or talk about

God forbid we doubt this happy song we sing
or realize all the pain that truth might bring
So we'll carry on in hope
that our pretending doesn't go up in smoke

So let's have a conversation now while we can
about all the things kept behind the door
to your closet filled with ***** laundry
that's been there for years
damp with tears that no one ever saw you cry
You swear you'd die if anyone did.
Because in there you hid after what you did
or what you had done to you

Me too.

If I'm honest, I need you
The monster got me too.
Trauma and tragedy that turned me
into whatever the heck I am now

but somehow I'm still here

And believe me when I say I know;
Underneath all your fears
you're dying to hear that
you weren't the only one.

You weren't.

We didn't choose this road
pain told us we had to take it
that we had to fake it or get eaten alive
that this was the only way to survive
but if this is all there is I'd rather die!
Don't tell me that all I can do is hide
Don't tell me to just pretend away
all the shame and self-hate
as if I were assigned some cruel fate
Where I feel like I'm nothing forever

Never!

I refuse to keep living a lie
No, pain, you can't make me
though I know you tried
I'm awake now and your credibility is fried
your access to my heart denied
I've cried enough in solitude and silence
Your violence ends today.

So in this my brother I pray for you
That you find that this is true
That your life is more than an empty tune
That pain said you had to sing.
The you that God intended you to be
Let him out, He set him free
Through blood spilled to wash him clean

This is the new song we have to sing.