10 years of drawing
9 years of being friends
8 years of being bullied
7 years of being bullied by you
6 years of guilt
5 years of trying to fit in
4 years of writing poetry
3 years of letting you manipulate me
2 years of knowing something was wrong with our friendship
1 year of trying to tell you
0 years of freedom

sometimes i wonder
if you even cared about me
i wonder if you there's anything about me you know
i wonder if you can see

sometimes i wonder
what goes on in your brain
maybe "i'll use him for a joke"
or maybe "i'll make him go through pain".

sometimes i wonder
if inside me, there's something wrong
if inside everyone who knows me
there's something about hate... a song

a song
a melody
saying something's wrong
something's wrong with me
i can't see
you treated me like ****
but i wanted to be your friend?

why
why did i want to be your friend
you were awful to me
was it my fault?

Why is it always you?
Why does it have to always be about you?
For once, think about others.
Did you know the night you abandoned me,
I almost killed myself?
Probably not cause you don't ask about me.
Did you know my dog has been almost 3 months?
You knew she was sick for months.
But you never asked about her.
It's always about you.
My feelings don't matter to you.
You use me till I'm dry.
You mentally ***** me up.
I'm so lost of what to do.
Your not a friend to me.
I'm just supporting you to keep you afloat.
I'm hoping one day you'll realize what I've done to make you happy.
To push you to achieve things.
Yet you ******* off when I needed you at my lowest points.
Yet, I'm still here.
I'm your safety net.
What will you do if I give out?
Your safety net is hanging on by a thread.
You better come to realization before my last thread breaks.

you’ve engulfed me,
in foreign waters..
drowned by this sea of
petty lies and empty cries,
so you could keep me around
for your well-being
but never asking
about mine.. or, how i’m doing
you never really cared about me,
you never really gave a thought about me.
you’ve only picked at my insides
from a distance..
ripping me piece by piece
while you struggled to stay whole..
     i know you prayed i’d stay blind,
          and now you’ve lost your mind.

                     because i didn’t

There are days when I want to give up
I want to leave so I don't have to deal with you
I want to cry

But I don't think you deserve to win
You don't deserve my tears
You don't get to become 'famous' on my account

You deserve friends who are as ****** as you
You deserve to be brought up under a fake name
You deserve everything that's coming to you

Cause Karma's a *****

It stings to sit at a table with you
and know you are trying to pull my friends away

It stings to sit 3 feet away from you
and no one at the table is going to acknowledge me

It stings to think that you had my heart
and you threw it away for someone who dumped you after a week

It stings to look back on us and our good times
and realize I wasn't happy

It stings to know you still have a pull on my life
and I don't want you anywhere near me anymore

It stings so much
and you're still putting lemon in the hole you put in my back when you stabbed me

I smiled as I stepped out of school
I didn't want to reunite
Neither did I want to hug any of them

I smiled as I stepped out of school
I made tons of mistakes
Neither was I considered a 'normal student'

I smiled as I stepped out of school
I will never miss the endless torture from the books
Neither will I miss the taunts and the painful jokes directed at me

I smiled as I stepped out of school
I never had friends
Neither would I have the ones that would defend me when hate is directed to me.