Happiness a good curse

One minute I'm joyous
the next I'm ******
but what I've learned is that
happiness makes the knot
the knot that makes the pain
the pain that hides the scars
the scars that shape your perception of yourself
of life.

The scars that appear on your wrist
because with every cut you think
maybe it will help this time
but no
it will never help
it will just push you down
down to where the real emotions hide
the emotions that one mustn't speak of
the ones that can cause
pain or anguish
sadness or depression
shock and loneliness

When I flip it makes you sad
because you think its you
when its really me
and you ask
what can I do
even though the only thing that can be done is
wait

Wait like there's no tomorrow
because nothing else matters
and its all you can do
but waiting is all that can be done
for only time will tell if my emotions will flip
but when I do flip you feel happy for me
and I feel gladness
for I do not care for happiness for it has become a pain
a pain I don't wish to suffer
a pain of which no one should suffer alone
for true happiness takes many forms
but the most common form is in you life everyday
love.

Love can cause grief or pain
or even depression
but more so than not
it reveals the pain
its brings us together
it makes us feel like we belong
because we do belong

When we love someone or something we respect them
we respect them as if they could crumble at the slightest touch
we respect them like there is no one else
but most of all we respect our selves
we respect ourselves so that we look good to whom we love
we no longer feel the urge to cut
slicing open flesh has become a source of depression
a source of what shouldn't matter
a source of the past,
the painful past
we respect ourselves so that our scares from the past will shine
shine like the holiness of god
act like there is no brighter light
come forth with the pain we no longer need to hide
shine like it no longer matters.

They no longer are a sign of weakness but
a sign of power
of self control
of remembrance
to show pain that has left us
its a past that can no longer torment us
these scars of battle
stay with you for as long as you need them
then when you've moved on
and don't need the extra confidence
they just seem to
disappear like they were never there
you no longer are self conscience about showing your scars
for they show your bravery in battle
the battle against humanity
against the pain of depression

You must remember that we all have bad days
and just because today was bad
does not mean you need to make it worse
make it worse by cutting
or inflict self harm in any way
you need to find someone to talk to
the only way things will get better is if you take the day by the horns
hold it and stare it down
stare it down till it can no longer be a threat
but you must remember I'm not in control
because on minute ill be down in the dumps
but the I might see you
and instantly I'm
the luckiest
happiest
dumbest looking
person
alive.