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Zane Nov 2021
in everlasting dreams i am returned
walking the timeless halls of feelings past
here; paintings decorate every inch
artists' feeble attempts at recreating immaculate imagery
a boy's youthful rhapsody of love

chronologically juxtaposed
glean now habits gone unnoticed
decades of emotional ignorance
toil, the highest classification of.

ahead, lie blank canvases
empty works of future choice
and me, stopped to consider
a crossroads in my heart
do i declare willful dominance
a leash-led endeavor of piety
or take the road less traveled
littered with all i have to fear
& ending with all i have left to acheieve

a left turn, i take.
Zane Nov 2021
an immesnse will of altruistic fire
your blaze unconsciously set deep
within once-blackened halls
these chambers of my heart
how? i plead
how now can you gently request
a failure of remembrance;
my isolation from these feelings

great swaths of regret
find consummation in my head
i lament, i lament, i lament
as the record of events
brokenly replays bright moments
evolved into bitter self-torments
until your lovely name is nothing
nothing but an all-too-familiar poison
a venom of my own concoction.

i drink; gleefully
unready to face the loneliness of existence
this reality henceforth set in motion
i am without you.
i am without you.
i am without.
i am
i
Zane Nov 2021
choking;
another memory consumes me
you beaming your sunny smile;
our dinner at a floral restaurant
laughing over unexpected prices
silhouetted by the last evening light of summer

so many days of late
my heart finds itself slingshotted
back to powerfully happy moments
picture-perfect snapshots before the spark was extinguished
and mountainous emotions grew to divide us

as the reflections grow stronger
these bright events will become what is chosen to be recalled
instead of the grim reality of the situation placed before me:
that while i saw forever in your eyes
sometimes a dream is just a dream.
Zane Nov 2021
frigid bedroom evening

lamentation of lost wants

a mind retracing steps

down multiverse avenues



she spoke in silent language

wordless choral decrees

replaced with analyses

discordant requiems for his dreams



deep impression of doom

a frantic marathon from this costume

ghostly presence consumed 

those darkest illusions exhumed



this bitter summertime pill

chased with echoes of failure

requirement: found abandoned 

or self, left to ****
Zane Nov 2021
the labyrinth unwinds itself
and i am afforded air to breathe
what once were raging storms
now give way to peaceful seas

as i gaze at this beauty
polite air of peaceful closure
i wonder to myself
about your own composure

resilience, compassion
these words that defined you
do you still exhale them?
do they still ring true?

for i have spent these months
excising my hurts
remaining thusly for me
is this i feverishly wish to see

now returned from my quest;
your firm stance at my side
we grow strong foundations
not lovesick abominations

a hand reaches out
i look you deep in the eyes
will you take it? i ask
or bade me goodbye

that i might be cursed
forever now bereft
forced to throw pennies
into a wishing well
Zane Nov 2021
you were so golden to me
and i, wished i was to you
your support was the sword
with which i conquered fears

deserving.
you deserved a true friend.
i clamored to be him
but i wasn’t
and i can’t.

for this,
my guilt is monolithic
for this,
i have spent so many days
skewered with grief.
Zane Oct 2021
vicariously
reliving memories
of this path
dyed a piercing scarlet
dates names adventures smiles LOVE
for a brief moment held fervently
everything since childhood indoctrination willed
now collapsing like broken glass
a seamstress' bitter failings
shattering mercilessly ahead
waterfall eyes
grief.
Zane Oct 2021
i spend an evening elaborating to you
another of the lifelong atlas weights on my shoulders
saint that you are
focused, locked in, nodding,
with all your beautiful being.
understanding. empathizing. absorbing.
all of the hell of these shattering ordeals i have endured

every day you grace me with your ears
my heart grows to long for you more.
careful composure cannot be kept in situations of this nature.
so i weep
for never has this
caring, patient
...love
been shown to me
Zane Sep 2021
In this wretched existence
Not a day has passed I don't dream of you
The gentle nature of unadulterated love
That defined our mutual existence.
These echoes reverberate so strongly
Throughout the day-to-day mundanities
I wonder if I unknowingly
Committed a séance.
I ache so much
For mere want of such a simple thing
As the beacon of light
That was your presence in my life.

lilium,

You were so beautiful
And I, so desperate to prove to you
That the heavens shined forth
And the Earth itself warmed
When you gazed upon me
With your smile.
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