Now that family have separated
From the gathering your funeral brought
Can we still talk of the dearly departed?
When everyone else is so caught
Up in their own sky, clouded by judgment

That a slab of Marble brings people together
And that personal troubles is not above the weather
And the smell of rain as it drips down our hair
To fill the role of tears where our minds don't care

To the grandkids you never got to hug
To the machines that were plugged
The hospital you never awoke from
To me who never visited cause I was afraid and dumb


Do you nod your head in anger? Do your tears Bring rain?
When we stray from the right path and cause each other pain?
Do you regret like we do? Or do you forget in paradise?
Are you finally at peace? Does the ignorance suffice?

I hope you never have to see us at our worst
That only love bursts from your eyes
From the golden Skies, where you hide
That the blinding light hides the truth
That we're struggling in our youth

Find peace Ouma, and please be at the entrance when we die
So we could cry, and be suprised when you haven't changed one bit
That your joy persists and we can't resist looking back
That you're finally on track, no bills or selfish entities
That your soul is intact, and you don't lose your Amenity

Counting the steps you take.
Your fingers touching mine.
These walls I built up over time.
Slowly, you take them down.

This violent facade.
Eating me up inside.
I want to scream but I can't.
This is who I am now.

I distance myself.
Scared of getting hurt.
But you approached me.
And became my world.

I still detest how I acted back then.
I pushed you away.
When you tried to understand.
But the facade I made.

Crumbled down.

The only one I loved.
The only one I trusted.
You stood there, captivated by me.
Wishing I wouldn't go.

Everybody's words.
Like swords that cut deep.
I can't forgive them.
Can I even forgive myself?

So I let go of the anxieties.
Because despite my actions.
My true nature is love.
I love you, Shuichi - this is to be known.

These lies I built as walls of protection.
Break down and cover me.
Suffocate me.
I let myself be crushed under the weight.

Much like a hydraulic press.

Even after death, I will still love you.
You spoke to me, loathed me.
But I still love you.
And that will never change.

You ask why I lied.
I lie all the time.
It's my only defence.
From the people outside.

I know you don't understand.
Maybe you never will.
But that's okay.
My heart is open for you to accept.

After all,

"I" am just a "lie" that makes up "me."