In all the time we’ve wandered,
spent landing from impossible heights;
dancing blind, in the dark, being fumbled and prodded
for feelings and requests,
the games we laugh at, wasted on self-confidence and
possession
I have much more than yours,
intoxicated on the thriving pulse of fearless flight,
we crash into opened arms,
not noticing the extent of the fall.
A wandering soul, I shall be.
Picking up sand on empty beaches,
spending time thinking of the footsteps,
surely imprinted on my trail I left behind.
You came and went.
And so you came and went.
Tumbling across my path,
like that cooling hot flush brought with salty ocean and rain.
Wandering past empty mountains,
looking over my shoulder to notice the
mortal statues I made of you,
and you,
and you,
my tended garden of people and places and things;
of darkness and light;
of scraped shells and glorious feathered wings;
of sickly love songs and hearts blazed;
of lonely nights waiting up for you,
and all the times you let me down.
Wandering alone and free,
the purple skies above offering sacred slumber.
I remain awake, watching stone eyes move
on me,
fixating on the bumps in the road,
tremors and falls in gentle dips unexpected
under my feet;
like you were.
Another came past, the smell of cut roses and
blushes minus a make-up brush;
shaking in the middle of your field of games,
playing rough and *****,
feeding ego and primal instincts,
bent backwards and underneath,
an empty canvas for marred drawing;
it was ****** while it lasted,
but I turned to stone long before
you came back on your knees.
And all the time I’ve wandered this lonely escape,
I come to wonder at all my marvels,
the things that made you fall faintly for me,
and shrines of you,
and you, and you.
Whether we were meant to collect an exhibition
of second best loves;
successive wilting romances burnt on scorching days.
Whether we were meant to learn by breaking hearts;
making cold remnants left to mildew in the past.
Whether we make do with second best,
as close to first yet farther still;
because we don’t know what best is.
We know when it tumbles down,
like a broken house,
but to see it gone is much too late.
Safer to say yes to second best,
than risk the cold wandering left for us alone.
In all the times we’ve spent wandering.
And I’m still wandering.
Empty beaches and purple skies,
long past.
