I've always been a quiet person.
I keep my thoughts short and to the point.
I never thought words were important.
Now, I realize each one has meaning.
I couldn't talk, unable to breathe
whenever people would speak to me.
"Social anxiety" it is called.
It seemed I couldn't shake the feeling.
Then I saw you when I was lonely one day.
I now keep my mouth shut more often.
Afraid that I will say the wrong words,
I'm speechless when I'm standing next to you.

Your eyes a crisp green, your hair golden,
your smile as bright as the stars at night.
Your laugh is like the waves of the ocean.
Your angelic voice calming and sweet.
I can't think straight when I'm around you,
your charming effect overpowering.
I solemnly stop to think of love,
but I still dream of when we will meet.
It could be today or tomorrow.
I want to run when you look at me,
and I can't help speaking so softly.
I'm speechless when I'm standing next to you.

If I'd raise my voice, I'd be heard across the room,
but I think we must have some distance.
You'll never find me in your embrace,
a relationship that won't exist.
My mouth is sealed and I'll stay silent.
You don't even know who I am,
but a fire has been building inside me.
Never before have I felt like this.
This burning can't be tamed by others.
It's an unstoppable force.
It's in my core where my heart dwells,
but still, I'm speechless when I stand next to you.

My father lost his mind after losing my mother.
Before getting over his grief, he married another.
Now a drunkard, he hides away
keeping me inside with him day after day.
My new mum, as I'd call her,
hated the thought of Da abusing his daughter.
She wouldn't treat me as other mums would
and kept away from Da best she could.
I no longer believed in love,
and I prayed to the god I had heard of.

Into adulthood, I grew with a start.
I now bought the drinks to fix Da's broken heart.
The god others prayed to still didn't help,
and everyone seemed happy except for myself.
My new mum was growing older with age,
and we needed to find someone else to pay wage.
We were in debt and a large one at that.
After finishing school, I got a job and came back.

In this time of duress you came.
Nothing would ever be the same.
You soon appeared in all of my dreams
and haunted all of my memories.
I would go red whenever I saw you.
I didn't believe in love, but I will soon.
You showed me things I didn't see.
You discovered a new side of me.

But my father soon found out.
He began cursing and crying about
you stealing me from him.
He said he would never forgive that sin.
I couldn't let him destroy the only thing I've ever loved.
So, with bated breath, I pushed and shoved.
Mum separated us from our quarrel
and scolded me for my immoral
actions in speaking against him.
I couldn't believe she sided with him.
Finally, she sent me away.
Thinking Da was drunk, I behaved.

One day was harder than the others.
I sat in my room locked in by Mother.
We had been secretly speaking together,
but I hadn't responded due to the gloomy weather.
You came to my house thinking I was sick.
I had to think of something quick
or else Da would see you and fulfill his words.
I prepared myself for the worst.
I screamed and grabbed my only blade
and acted deathly afraid.

Hearing footsteps, I got ready to cry.
But my knife fell out of my hand and I
tripped upon seeing Da's caring, worried face.
Never had I seen him that way.
I felt my knife puncture and cut deep.
I cried and screamed as Da pulled it out of me.
He cradled me in his arms
and promised I would never again be harmed.

Blood stained my quivering hands
and a second time the door slammed.
You stood aghast upon seeing me
and tried to stop the bleeding desperately.
My vision grew darker and blurry.
I could tell you were beginning to worry.
That was the last time I ever saw you
I was surrounded by the ones I knew.
Slowly, in Da's arms, I bled out.
Loss would always fill this house.

I shake your hand unwillingly.
I didn't want this to be
the start or end of our newfound friendship.
I'm forcing, pushing myself to do this.
Keep in mind, this is not my kind of bliss.
T'is not cause of you I ran away,
but I just knew I couldn't stay.
I doomed "us" before "we" even started.

"Let's be friends," I'd rehearsed in my head,
not knowing I  would soon be led
by all my faults and hardships.
I feel I will implode
never knowing where else to go.
"I'm an introvert," I'd always say.
This is the excuse I use everyday.
I'm led blindly by my own utter failures.

""It's really not that hard to do,"
I thought whilst running away from you.
Being social is a part of our livelihood.
I've fallen and there's no one to stop me.
I don't matter, so why not flee?
No one will notice that I am gone.
I have no acquaintances to lean on.
Nothing can keep this sea from being parted.

I try my hardest, I try my best
but I'll never get any rest.
Being alone is neither healthy nor good.
I've tried to find some friends online,
but they would go away sometimes.
My time here's waning.  I'm consumed by fear.
There are no friends to save me from here.
They'll never know how much it really hurts.

I see the mirror's reflection of
everything that I'd love
to be.

I hear the whispers and echoes near me
and ache from the burdens I am forced to carry.
I feel your icy breath
down my neck.
Your comforting eyes
stare through my lies.
I know this mirror's reflection of
everything that I love
isn't me.

There are too many voices and too many words.
They spout insults until all of me hurts.
They promise not to hurt me if I behave,
but I think they lie and will fight 'till I cave.
The only thing I depend on is this haunting mirror.
I keep it hidden, out of sight, afraid you will appear.

Your smile crushes me.  Do you really not know?
I do not want to sink in the fires below,
but there is no way to escape from this mimicked reality.
The only option
is death.

Trapped.
Ignored.
Risking it all without reward.
Unwanted.
Shunned.
No one knows you were the one.

When you know of your wrong, but you can't deny
all the feelings you carry on the inside.
You have no worth, and don't you cry
even though you feel like you want to die.

you masked everything and blocked all others out.
You knew they only wanted to fill you with doubt.
You know you are special since death is near
to save you from all the fires of fear.

How can you stand to watch the whole world burn?
You needn't do what you did; you'd nothing to earn.
I hope to never see your return.
You say you freed them of their concern.

This... confinement you have placed yourself in
won't be able to save you from all of your sin.
You're a psychopath, a murderer, a monster.
How can you find solace through your slaughter?

Why do you think you deserve a chance at life
when you killed so many with the swift cut of a knife?
I hope death will come to take all of your might.
To take you away; to hide you from our sight.

You feel you grow stronger but your light surely dims.
I want to watch as it goes, in your confinement grim.
I cannot deny how hard I have sought to find you.
I watch you from afar, silhouette clear from my view.

I'm the survivor of your chaos and now
you only have days to live.

You act alright, but deep inside you know something is wrong.
A silent fight over everything; it's lasted so long.
Little have this, little know, the sadness within you very soul.
You feel heavy; you feel the guilt.  You've never felt so low.
You panic, so frantic.  I laugh at all your measly pleas.
I'll never let you go, even while you beg on bended knees.
I am anger; I am torment.  I'm your every fear.
I am emotion; I am feelings.  I am always here.
You can't escape, you can't run from any of this temptation.
I'll be here waiting your return.  This is your occupation.
Take your time enjoying life looking over your shoulder.
I'll be watching at all times as you grow older.
Go to a bar, get drunk, stay out late, and sleep in,
but you'll never forget me, the sadness within.

The sky, the most beautiful thing this world has left.
Oh my, what a broken place we live in.
To fly will be my last wish when the end comes.
We'll die, holding tight to our only kin.

Untouched by destruction and work of man.
Untouched by humans that control the land.
There is no other place to go but up.
So hold onto me for as long as you can.

Pass through the atmosphere, and you will find
a mysterious world called space and time.
Planets revolve around a burning star.
Watch as they orbit and slowly align.

The heavens--some call it--is where we'll go.
Where the clouds can pass by neatly and slow.
Observe the waters of Earth from above.
Without gravity, try dancing with your shadow.

The sky, the most amazing place this world has left.
Oh my, what a broken place we live in.
To fly will be my last wish when the end comes.
So high I'll soar, a new journey begins!

I cry in barren deserts, the tears stolen from me.
My eyes are dry, like the sand, washed away by the sea.
My hands are scarred and calloused; my shirt is torn away.
My feet are burnt and blistered by the dawn of a new day.

The time that's left is dwindling; I feel I have it all.
I count down the minutes 'till the time when you next call.
My soul is crushed and withered; your name is on my lips.
You'll be the one who saves me from this deathly abyss.

Inside me, a cavity where my heart likes to hide.
It's turned to stone, cold and hard, by despair, hate, and pride.
The world around me is blurred, a mirage to my eyes.
The sun's scorching my peeled skin.  My head is filled with lies.

The time that's left is dwindling; I feel I have it all.
I count down the minutes 'till the time when you next call.
My soul is crushed and withered; your name is on my lips.
You'll be the one who saves me from this deathly abyss.

I cry out in this lonely world, "Help me survive the night!"
You responded with your name, my eyes bathed in your light.
Too bad I'm trapped in my mind, slowly, surely dying.
I pull myself towards the shore; I've given up on trying.
This desert that I have crossed, surrounded by the sea,
was my final obstacle in my journey to be free.
I watch my body float away from me, washed away from the shore.
And strangely, it begins to rain; I dance in the downpour.

I have beaten this battle; I'm so close to getting out.
The rain has quenched the desert from the never-ending drought.
But something is wrong; something's different in my mind.
Who cares anymore?  I'm leaving this state behind.
I leave my earthly being as my mind becomes a blank slate.
I watch as my family cries; who knew that this would be my fate?
They wanted to end my suffering; they ended my pain.
But I was close to being saved; they took my life in vain.