Remember I am
Remember all I see is I am
Remember whatever comes at me is also I am
Remember I am that is all there is
Remember I am the life
Remember I am
Always

I went outside to smoke a cigarette
And I looked at the trees
And I looked to the trees
For guidance

And the trees said
Be still.
Do not wander
And be present with your pain,
Do not seek another place but here.
Let it come over you and depart as
The clouds come and go in the sky
Or as the rain washes over the landscape
Or as time passes through all.

All living things find the way back home in time;
There is nowhere else to be.

The musky candle,
solely lighting
the black room,
casts a shadow of the bedside fern—
a delicate silhouette
swaying on the wall.

Follow me now-
As we exhale,
deepening til there's no air,

As we inhale,
let our eyes focus
on the buzzing space that lives
in between objects and bodies.

Bring your attention
to the pleasure of stillness,
the lingering taste of wine
on your tongue.

Feel the pull
of our quiet obsessions,
the gravity of our thoughts.

I keep a tight grip around
everything that hurts.
I keep asking my therapist
"how do we let go?"
and what does that really mean?
she says, so gently:
“if the pain was deep enough, you will have to let go many times”
I never realized I had that power
to do that
to inhale and exhale

Feel fossils
Prioritize dinosaurs like a paleontologist
Aim like an ambitious mountaineer
Explore mountains
Try to touch your dreams
Ignore glochids
Notice the patterns of cacti

Keep in mind
since we are human beings
the superego will be the winner
good things will defeat bad things
sooner or later

i heard them say it's bad to push away the negativity
under the blanketing embrace of a nice evening drink
but my mind isn't well and my time seems at an end --
do i really have a problem when i worry that i'm the problem?

do i need to abide by the constructs those i do not know
have created for people like me to stand beside and follow
despite the everyday occurrences that warrant the attention
of those who sit and wait and do not listen?

shall i walk my way down this narrow street
under the dimming streetlights as cars pass me by
just because that's what's supposed to help me survive?

or perhaps i should visit the dwindling spaces
occupied by those paid to sit and listen
to the life stories of those they do not know?

shall i trust their intentions and pray for remission
of these symptoms that never seem to fade?

no -- instead, i think i'll bask in this sun
and reach my quivering hand to the right
to pick up my drink tilted on its side
and press it to my lips to taste the bitter embrace
of this warm can of serotonin and dopamine.

Why did I leave late?
Why is the traffic so bad?
How long do I have to wait?
This situation makes me mad.
When I stay calm
And just breathe
When I realized
Being frantic, sad, or mad
Would change nothing, indeed
Knowing that I have a choice
To go through this trip
Peaceful, calm, and composed
Experience change
Although I'm still late for the airport.

Oh there is a ball in my stomach
a tight knot of anxious confusion.
It circulates and undulates
dilates and twists
throbs
grows...
absorbing my life's energy.

"Let it free and watch it"

It emerges from my stomach...
the twisting blue-black mass
convoluting, churning
in the space in front
…and in a moment it dissolves…

My mind is clear
the rain falls gently outside
almost like snow...
Moving with the gentle breeze...
What power in coming into awareness,
Into relationship with
those things which pain me.