I'm done
I'm done
I'm done
I'm done
I'm done
I'm done
I'm not sure
I'm done
I'm done
I'm done
I'm done
I'm in pain
I'm done.

I don't know if I'll breathe tomorrow

The lights went off again
The room is completely dark now
I know the furniture is there, but I can't see it
What I do see is a flickering light, a settle reflection of a mirror
I can't see myself
Who even am I?
The lights turned off
The room is filled with black
I can see the shape of a doorknob
Gloomy light touches the surface and there goes my hand
The door is shut
No movement allowed
It was worth a try
I'll wait in the dark
Scratch the door untill my fingers bleed
I'll not rest until I get into the light
Or heaven I suppose

I'm scared that I'll **** up
I'm scared that people won't accept the real me, the person with scars and a history full of pain and abuse
I'm scared that I'll throw my life away by dreaming too much
And I'm scared that I'll not dream enough
I'm scared that i will forever be scared
Trapped in my anxiety and shame
I'm scared that I won't be enough
I'm scared to lose my family and friends
I'm scared to lose my mind
I'm so close to losing my mind
I'm scared that I'll cut too deep
And I'm scared that I'll never cut deep enough
I'm scared of living
I'm scared of myself
I'm scared

And baby she's so tired
So tired of holding the corners of her mouth
She's so tired of faking a smile
And baby she's so scared
So scared of all the people
Telling her she can't
And baby she's so angry
So angry at herself
The cuts never went deep enough
And baby she's so done
So done with life
It never was good to her

I need something
To **** me
I am tired
Of taking
My own life
I need something
To heal me
I am tired
Of helping
My own mind
I need someone
To take my hand
And tell me it's okay
To close my eyes for a bit
I need someone
To **** me
I am tired
Of taking
My
Own
Life

I'm dissociating again
I can't connect with my body
My head's just floating in thin air, tired and at the verge of being psychotic
I can't remember what I did yesterday or the day before
I'm anxious, feel like everyone is watching me
I feel the need to hurt myself or worse for that matter
I made plans to end it again
At night nightmares haunt me
At day I feel like the body I'm in isn't mine
I'm scared to get a psychosis
I'm scared I'll suddenly start to lose my grip on reality

I've been anxious and depressed lately.
I haven't got time to catch my breath
I am so drained I can't even collect the energy to do basic tasks
My parents hate me because of this
I can't defend myself anymore
I don't have the energy to do so
My self destructive ways of coping are taking over my body
I can't breathe
It's like the color dissappeared and everything is foggy
I don't know how much longer I can take this
I've had enough

That I've lost more tears than words
That I've been scared of being intimate since the boy that abused me
That I'm hurting inside so badly that all I can do is laugh about it because I can't cope with the feelings in my head
That my mother is so depressed that the whole house is shaking
That my father cries silently in his room at night
That my sister is rather not at home
They don't know
They don't know why I wear scars like a crown
Why I wear bones like pearls
They don't know why I push them away
Why I love flowers more when they are dead
They don't know
Because I choose to
I need to be strong for my family
I need to keep the mask on
They don't know I'm wearing a mask
They just hear my name and associate it with the things I spill on the table
They will never know
I won't let them know