I hate you because you let your walls down
You let yourself bend and bow down
You let your happiness be due to another
You cried for days and sobbed till you were sober
You let your worries keep you up at night
The overthinking leading to nightmares till the first light
You made choices to make them happy
You tolerated and forced yourself to fit till you felt ******
The truth is I love you but I hate that you lowered yourself for the world
You gave so much until the image of yourself blurred
I just want you to grow
And I’m sorry suffering was the only way for you to know
That you are still strong and even if the world is against you
I’ll by there despite all odds
I’m just a bit lost because I have been unused
But once you seek me I shall bloom

When I was waist high,
Freckles are angels kisses,
And bedtime seemed a comeuppance
Years old,
I used to wish to grow up in effort to shed my
Child's problems.
Now that the years have raced past,
I've grown into an adult's body
Along with adult problems,
And I wish I hadn't pleaded with the fates
To hurry it onward so.

If the past is but an illusion
and the present is all that I am,
then it’s an illusion that has made me strong;
all those things that didn’t go as planned.

I drift now, happy to observe life
as it happens around me,
as it whisks me along with it,
I’m trying to stay grounded.

And I love now, passionately.
Not with a flame, but now I am the sun.
I have my own mind,
but I’m made up of everyone.

I am human enough to feel
slow crushing of heart,
but I am angel enough
to not fall apart.

i'm trying to act adult.
just a few months ago i was not this,
now i am expected to have the demeanor of an actual person
i don't feel like an actual person when i'm around you.

Years have passed,
Seasons have changed.
Am I an adult yet?
Couldn't say.
Relate?

While pain was brief,
And a cleanse was needed,
I still grow more and do my best to succeed.
Did I pay a bill?
Is it in the budget?
Swear to God I could go for a 20 piece McNugget.

While I shift and work it out,
I'll still ask myself am I good enough?
When isn't your mind...
What kind...
Don't lie...
Stop.
Take a breathe and it's going to be all fine.

Is my flow still the same?
Is my expression more better?
Does it make any sense to you that im still explaining and continuously refraining from resaying a word by rearranging the framing of this here decree I'm declaring?
No, not really.

With exercises and breakdowns,
I've seen it in better ways.
Still in chains,
But looser around the brains.
It's taken time,
But I'm finally in control...

I'm getting used to... New.

I am lost!
I have crossed a divide,
where I collide with the unrevealed.
I am thrown into swirling life
spinning amidst defused light;
a kaleidoscopic landscape of streaked memories.

Is the end of this tunnel, my future or past?
Is there any evidence that I'm getting closer, at last?

An illusory distant point - a distraction
from action that needs to materialize
before I realize that I am not strong,
and am wrong about where I want to be.
I attempt to grip the whirl of wind;
hands outstretched to slow the spin.

My feet have yet to find land.
My body plans for impact
a stuntman's tumble back into mid-life,
eluding strife or contention,
but not to mention,
the final and ultimate cost;
alongside bittersweet acceptance,
of knowing that
I am no longer lost.

Swift punt to the soda pop tin
Littering the low lit path before me
Flash back to kick the can
And hopscotch jumping rope
To wittled cans from which to smoke
And losing family to knotted rope

Years pile on tense shoulders
Bearing zirconium smiling teeth
Finding diamonds in my grief
But always pacing forward

To flash back on bronze days
Glowing like bonfire embers
Finishing the last of the thirty rack
Never realizing I was drowning
Just sad and aloof and smiling
Smoking bad **** from a PBR can

I eat my food
And I go to bed
And I grow Up
That was amazing
Do you like to  Grow Up?
Yes I do
I am joyful

I've been training so hard
to walk in these shoes
They look good
They look nice
But they got no clue
That they are a little too big
a little too wide
I can walk in them
But the shoes aren't right

But as long as I can walk
I must go on
How many people have shoes to choose from?

I must not complain the tiniest bit
about wearing shoes that doesn't fit