Father; that's what you became by mindless ******* but
******* is what thee should be named as...
Tis' kingdom thy rule over me in fascism
How humble of thee in declaring thy failure in me
Eroding my confidence with your constant belittling
Reminding me I am ne'er taken seriously anywhere, not even in my only known 'refuge'.

Oh god...
Please no, not this
Just breathe slowly and
Hopefully it'll go away, then
SHIVERS spark beads of sweat
The pain inside you'll never forget
Hot and cold, breathe in and out, then
LURCH
   Oh God Why?? I'm
CH...Oking on my
       I n s i d e s
CO....UGH I can't FU....Cking breathe
My God is it ove.... Rrrrrrr...

Breathe... Just breathe
Spit and wipe the tears from your face
Sweat in my eyes burns like
The acid in my throat but
At least it's done...
At least I hope

Treasure my **** in your mouth
Engulf it slowly with your lips
Negate this gagging reflex
Delight on my hot *****
Enjoy the taste of it
Running down

Heart racing,
breathless-
slick, the salt-sweet of us.
Hastily dressed
and feeling delicious.
Your fingers slipping
in, hard perfect rhythm-
Quick circles pressed
to the heel of your
hand. Whispered good-bye
forgotten, unheard-
Licked clean of
intent between
you and I.

When it hurts it hurts.
When sadness grips my throat I let it linger.
I let the breath in my lungs dissipate.
Because why does it matter?

When it hurts it hurts.
When the air is leaving my body and memories flood in,
I don't care if I have no air.
The next best thing is the death of the old.

But the problem is whenever it dies and I have "Moved on" it's a lie.
I get dragged back in.
I somehow get breath back in my lungs.
And the past comes back to life.

Today was one of those days.
A photograph was found,
A feeling was ignored,
A day of hurt pursued.

When it hurts it hurts.
When the past is found
When the past is relived.
**** me and the edge that I get to.

I see over the cliff.
I see over the precipice.
I take the leap over and over again, but I keep ending up right where I started.
The past won't ******* die.

When it hurts it hurts,
And guess what?
Right now, in this moment,
It ******* hurts.

Sorry, mom and dad
Sorry, sensitive folks.
Sorry, for writing this down and putting it out in the world.
But right now I don't care.

I'll tag it explicit.
I'll tag it adults only.
But guess what?
Life is explicit even if you don't swear.

Because when it hurts it hurts.
When the truth is laid out before you, don't run from it.
Embrace the truth, the pain, the misery, the sadness.
Even if you try to ignore it, you can't.
Because when it HURTS it HURTS.

I want her back
I don't want to move on.

I don't want her back.
I want to move on.

I'll probably be better tomorrow.
But who knows?
I sure as Hell don't.
What I do know...

What I do know...

Sorry for the repeat I was really trying to find something to say there.

Oh I remember...

When it hurts it hurts.
Let me be,
Let me feel,
Let me not be home,
Let me be far away.

God, when it hurts it hurts and you understand.
God, when those photographs find their way to my eyes let me hurt.
It's not wrong to feel the way you feel.
I'm allowed to be sad.
Even if every fiber of my being is ashamed I haven't moved on.

When it hurts it hurts.
Let it be.
Leave me be.
Leave it where it is, so I can see.