It’s too much
Too much to think
To write
To dive
Not yet
I’m not ready
To dive
To think
I wasn’t then and I’m not now

I cry harder and harder and harder thinking that each tear
Will rid my brain of these memories 

Drain them
Erase them
Piece by piece
It’s too much
To dive
To start again
This endless cycle
This **** endless cycle
Take them all away dear God I scream
It’s too hard to think
To feel
To think
To dive
To feel
To reminisce

The only thing my body can do is tire itself by trying to release a pain that my heart
My heart
My tired heart will always hold onto

You are an open wound in my soul that will never heal

Each thought of you spills more alcohol into the depths of this ****

You are the lesson I learned
The one that stuck 

Dear God I scream
Dear God let me not have a daughter
I could not bear to watch her die and dive and fall and crash
Slowly and all at once thinking it’s fate and love and heaven and hope 
And everything and anything in between

Dear god I’m too tired
Too broken
I’ve lost my voice
Screaming
Breaking

You haunt my heart
My mind, heart, and soul
Because you will always be the one who broke me.
----