Pause

Rewind

Play

In forthcoming
  It might have been nice

To give you a reminder
  Instructions, possibly

I’ve only left you duct-tape
  To fix what I’ve broken

So you see,

My father is gone now, passed away
“Keep on smiling”
Is what’d he say
But till this day
I can’t give way

To the tears when the children
Are out there in play
With toys at the park, unbeknownst to the fade
Of the memories at stake
Neurotic gold
Under sun’s rays
Opportunities - but in sickness of health
And I cry,
Yes I cry
How can anyone keep smiling
When my brain isn’t surviving
And I’m left with these tapes
Low quality, garbage
The only good videos are in my mind
But they are too now dissipating

So I just lay and never sleep
Or eat anymore,
In the white clean fresh room
Chained to the bed
beep, beep
One look at the window
Is what my head will allow
The only thing that it can do now
My muscles are weakened,
I’ve forgotten how to walk
And now to talk
So all I have left is my rotting mind
And the grin I’ve kept frozen all this time
For the day I meet him back in heaven
So I can say
“I’ve kept on smiling”

Can you fix me?

I wish I could be near you
The real you
Not your shell
I want to hear your laugh
And see your smile
Hear you call me jellybean
I’m your baby girl, your only
And always will be
Keep hearing “nothing’s changed”
But it’s all different
You’re here but you’re gone
You smile but it’s not real
You don’t even know
It’s me standing in front of you
And my brother
Who’s that?
We’re yours and you are ours
You’re still here but…
You’re gone
Who am I?
I’m your miracle
Remember me?
Please remember me
Your brown eyed baby girl
A happy accident
I’m your college graduate
Your hard-headed brat
You gave up everything for us
I would be nothing without you
Now I’m old enough to realize
All you did for me
Now I’m ready to say thank you
And even though you’re to hear me
And see me
And be with me
You’re not
Not even close
Not even at all
It kills me
My heart shatters
Because now when I need you most
You’re here but you’re gone