i want to be held
and rocked like i was wanted from the start
with arms that hush the noise
and cradle my aching heart

i want the skin of your hand
to graze my cheek so light
in the way that says, “you’re my baby girl,”
and makes the world feel right

i want to rest my head in your lap
and feel you hum a tune
like safety has a quiet sound
that softens up the room

this isn’t romantic
this is what should’ve been mine
what most people have never had to grieve
because they’ve had it the whole time

Hello
This is me

I am seventeen
But sometimes I age regress
And can be
Much younger than perceived

I am short
And small
But I don't mind
As it makes it easy to hide
And confine myself
Within small spaces
Or up in your arms

I go for walks
Late at night
When most people are peacefully
Wiithin a dream
As I drown within
The music I hear

I collect stuffies
And all the broken bits
Of my heart
And soul
So I don't become empty

People use
Abuse
And re-use me
But I still only want
To see them happy

I collect memories
Within a box
And my gallery
Afraid one day
I'll forget about my days
So I collect and keep them safe

I was never truly a kid
For I was only ever trapped
In thoughts of escape
But I've found that
No matter the place
Things are still always the same

I trust animals
One hundred precent
But people are always lacking
A small precentage
Even though I give them
Every piece of me

I am innocent and sad
Collecting onsies
And stuffies
And cuddling whoever will

But also impure and numb
Collecting trauma
And broken dreams
And feeling the touch of wandering hands
In places they shouldn't be

It's been a bad day

My eyes are tired and my limbs are heavy

Slowly, my mind begins to go backwards, as though travelling through time

From my body's age downward into a toddler

Tears well in my eyes as I sink to my bed, hugging a plushie close to my chest

Pacifier clutched in my lips

Right now, I'm not a teenager or a child

I'm nearly a baby

This is my escape