Turn back the clocks
Take me back to that one night
Four dates in, you called me at midnight and told me to look outside
Standing by your car, you asked
me to go on a drive
I was so young and innocent
Just happy to be by your side

Two weeks after that night
We’re official and flying high
A knock at my door, you showed up with a gift bag
I cried at the surprise, a baby blue instax
I went home with you that night
and never once thought to look back

Three weeks later
I said “I love you” for the first time
I was scared it was too soon
Then you kissed me and said it back
That night we danced in your living room
I was clumsy but you held me tight
Whenever I questioned your love
I took my mind back to that night

Two months later
We’re having our first fight
You lost your temper and
I just stayed quiet
You slam the door behind you and go on a long drive
You came home and said, “I’m sorry.”
and I said “We’ll be alright”

Three months later
I’m smoking with you on your front steps
You passed me your lighter
The taste of bourbon on both our breaths
Tears slid down my face
as you told me you missed your ex
Both our broken hearts were aching but
I wouldn’t give up on you yet

Four months later
I’m still trying to make it work
Most days were perfect
but the bad days were just the worst
Cause you never pulled your punches
You never tried to tame your temper
I hid so many bruises
From you unleashing your anger

Five months later
We’re at the theater two days after another fight
That day went so well,
it was your treat for date night
It was the first time you kissed me
out in public, in plain sight
The only time it felt like you were proud to be by my side

But six months later
You dropped me off at my brother’s house
With a hug and a kiss, you said ‘I love you’ and you walked out
I didn’t know it was a kiss goodbye
Didn’t know it was all just a big lie
Cause you called the next day
and you said we’d run out of time

One week later
On the floor in my bathroom
So empty and hopeless
I attempted to make it my tomb
22 years played on rewind
As you crushed my last will to fight
You screamed abuse into the phone
As I attempted to say goodbye

Two hours later
You put the nails in my coffin
I gave you my everything
But you still tossed me out in the end
You were almost the death of me
I tried so hard but I can’t pretend
My universe imploded as a dull knife ripped my skin

A cold hospital bed
Your words swirling in my head
A small bandage bleeding red
I just wanted to be dead

I tried to help you but at what cost?
You weren’t the only thing I lost
My nightmares this day will forever haunt
You put me through hell and just moved on

My life unraveling like thread
I can’t believe this is the end
Every excuse I now rescind
Left alone and hopeless once again

All your promises revoked
Gone like your cigarette smoke
You knew you were my only hope
I had nowhere else to go

All of your abuse,
I loved you so much so I excused
Lasting wounds serve as the proof
I tried to help but what’s the use

Abusers never admit abuse
You can’t keep running from the truth
Your words choked me like a noose
Second best, now I know I was used

Six months later
now I can see you for what you are
New perspective gave me clarity, I should never have let things go that far
I made you too many false excuses cause I didn’t want us to part
But now that your raging storm has passed, I don’t need you
I’m going to reclaim my heart.

-E.