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She has a real talent
for pushing her feelings aside,

She is truly skilled
in hiding her pain,
putting on a smile,
letting her raw emotions subside.

She mastered this technique
when she was a just a little child -
so innocent, so naive, so small,

Her happiness always depended
on seeing others smile -
hence, she laid down bricks
and built a tall,
unbreakable,
load bearing wall.

Regardless of its rapid rising,
this wall still stands tall
till this very blessed day,

Each brick a touchy
raw emotion -
each one a traumatic problem
that was unresolved...
she only ever, just barely,
forced them to fade away.

She hides all of the darkness
within the mortar
that bonds these bricks,

She keeps it all buried
within this wall,  
which is so very high -
this is one of her famous tricks!

She Prays that this wall
will withstand more weight -
hold steady and stay strong,

If it ever were to collapse
and come tumbling down,
then God help anyone
who leaned upon it!
God help anyone
who did her wrong!

God help anyone
who contributed to it reaching
so far up into the sky!

And God help her...
There are more than enough bricks
in this wall to build
a city greater than any other on earth
~ just the thought of that
makes her want to cry!

By Lady R.F ©2016
 Nov 2016 Sylvia Frances Chan
cmy
Trust no one, not even yourself,
Trust not your deceitful heart,
Neither trust your confused mind,
Especially with others,
Do not trust your anger at all times,
For words cut deeper than wounds
Both sides might hurt and never return.
This poem is for when I feel brokenhearted and my heart bleeds blue. When cruel words hurt me and I couldn't trust myself not to hit back. When I feel angry and couldn't think straight, couldn't do things right. When truth is shielded from me, I try my hardest to seek God.
May all of you find Him when you need Him most. God bless all of you guys.
P.S. Sorry for keep on changing the words. I wasn't satisfied with it until now.
 Nov 2016 Sylvia Frances Chan
Ja
I stared out the window
My brain, completely disengaged
No thoughts, no emotions
But a war was being waged

I could not move or even think
Stood lifeless, as I gazed
But, inside my brain
This awful darkness blazed

Outside the window, light
It seemed so warm and pure
Still, inside my head
A madness did me lure

I could not raise my voice
Could not, say a word
That evil’s lock on me
Seemed to be assured

But then an angel’s voice
So sweetly to me said
Come with me my dear
And let us go to bed
BOEMS BY JA 583      
FOR MY WIFE
It won't be long now
It will happen soon
I'll be getting over you any day now
I can feel it

That loathsome ache will soon be gone
This feeling of suffocation will subside
I'll breathe again
I'll finally feel at peace

I won't feel that gripping
all consuming fear
The panic that has been my companion
ever since you left

No...I'll be letting all that go
Any moment now
I'll be free....
It's coming

The last bit of you
will soon be gone
No more pain....but..
I wonder....if maybe...

Will I miss you?
When I finally let it all go?
Will I miss it?
Should I just...keep it a little longer?

Perhaps I should still think of you
Only every once in a while....
Just for as bit.
For just a little longer...
I want to be better.
I even know how I can be.
Why don't I take that step?
It's like I'm stuck on re-peat.

I wish I was stronger.
I always thought I was.
With what I do, I show such weakness.
Will I ever be enough?

Why can't I break these walls,
that I've built up all around me?
I long to knock them down,
and finally live freely.

Why am I so lost,
If I know the way?
Will I ever find the courage
to finally seize the day?

Procrastination is my enemy.
Yet I hold him like a friend.
Walking in circles, there's no beginning,
so then how can it ever end?

I want to be better.
I even know how I can be.
Why don't I take that step?
It's like I'm stuck on re-peat......
Today I had to let you go
Though it broke my heart to do it
I loved you then and will forever
I hope to God you knew it

The look in your eyes as we said goodbye
Said just how much you loved me
Still the moment you left won't go away
It will forever haunt me

I know it was right to let you go
There was no other way
I held you close and softly cried
Still wishing  you could have stayed

I know that there will come a day
When we're once again together
We will never part again
This time it will be forever
In memory of my dog Brody.  We had to let her go and my heart is in pieces.  She leaves such a hole in our family.  I hope it's true that all dogs go to heaven.....hope I see her there some day.
 Oct 2016 Sylvia Frances Chan
cmy
I could see the nimble swallows glide
Reaching pretty clouds that swirl and slide
When they are tired and weary
In my secret backyard they go to hide

I could touch the whisper of the grass
When the wind breathes
The sombre murmur of the woods, the bending of trees
The sound of leaves in the swaying breeze

I could feel the rhythm grow
The music that pours in the driving storm
Thinking heartfelt deeds that make one glow
And lovely thoughts that keep one warm

I could hear the lazing dull frogs sing
A sad funny lullaby in between
The angry bang of thunder once lightning moves
The trashing noise of rain on roofs

I could reach far from where I've been
Further than the winding steady road that goes
But I would rather leave my heart at home
When the dear rain falls.
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