With tightened lips moving at the pace of heartbreak
I can still recall your landline phone number
And how the numbers looked, scrawled
Across the bottom of my notebook.
Like someone had put them there with different intentions
Like they'd wondered there on their own.
I have memorized how many times
10: I dialed those familiar digits
9: I hung up
8: I asked you if you liked to dance, all in a row
You said you didn't. You said flashing lights made you sick
I offered to twirl you in the dark. Even though I'd been afraid of it since I was
7: I said "I love you
6: you said it back. The last time, you looked out my bedroom window and bit your lip.
5: I made you breakfast. Bacon on French toast, sprinkled with icing sugar. You smiled so big I felt my heart expand and I did it again
4 times in the span of 3 months.
3 months. We spent them inside our version of a love song. The melody an aching one. The lyrics soft like the palms of your hands..
2: I told you I was in love with you. I offered up my life. I shared everything that belonged to me so that I could belong to you.
1: you said "I can't do this"
1: you said "I don't feel it"
1: you said "no"
Final goodbyes are said only once, I wish it was less