overwhelmed, again
somehow, the other side of the country, seems farther than a two hour drive southeast, because
everywhere is always you, who have been my better half for longer than i've cared for any particular person

you leave me with a solemn remembrance of what was, and will no longer be
yes, those words i always say in comfort of others' grief,
that the word for not changing is death
entropy, being inevitable
somehow, don't quite reassure me of your approaching departure

i cling so feverishly to memories of past adventure
like tapestries hung on the walls of my heart,
full of smiles and good-heartedness

yet, they remind me of a spring that is long gone
in the past are the days, i would spend with liquid intoxicant
forever lost, is the I that would hurt and demean others
so far away, the me that was me

a swirling tornado of emotion engulfs me,
i wonder, if i will have the courage to stand
solace is found in my age old thought;
look forwards, never nought.

every lie you said is swirling in my head
every time you walked out
screamed you'd never come back

I always waited for you like some depressed old dog
Tied to a supermarket bike rack whimpering for the one he cares about most to return

I tried to suture every wound you came to me with, pulling out my own muscle fibers to use when words weren't strong enough to convince you not to walk the tightrope of your addictions to escapism, because why, why would you walk away when I tore myself in two and went insane just to make you smile, to make you not think the world is full of horrible evil?

All I ever saw in you was the sun.
All you ever saw in me was not enough.

Every month that passes
Every year that goes by
I swear I feel less alive

All the bright colours of life
I once laid eyes upon
Are dispersing, with my hopes of living to see the next dawn

So I ask myself each day
Why oh why am i still here?
I think the answer now is clear

Nothing, nothing but fear