Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Please stop repeating it!!!

The hair pulling starts, STOP!
The staring into space starts, I’M SORRY!
The looking for something to feel again starts, I NEED THIS!
The screaming into endless voids of emptiness starts, I’M NOT ENOUGH!

My lips tremble as i place the blade to my skin,
My vision blurred with pain stained tears,
My hands steady as i make one swift movement,
Again,
And again,
And again,
And again,
And again,
STOP!
Mind flipping between people,
People i’ve let down,
People i’ve lost
People i’ve loved,
People i still love,
People i need,
People i’ve hurt,
People i wasn’t enough for,
And i’m sorry.

It’s my fault.
Always is!
My fault no one likes me for me.
My fault i’m forced to wear a mask everyday.
My fault i’m not happy.
My fault i’m scared.
Scared of letting people in.
For the fear of being used again.
Abused again.
Afraid someone will break me again.
My fault because i wear a mask and become someone else to protect myself.

the constant shaking,
and over thinking,
and the insecurities,
mixed with the feeling of always being alone,

**** anxiety,
and the attacks,
the crying,
and the sobbing,
the pain,

stupid anxiety,
for putting me through this this,
for making me hate the people i love,
for causing me to thin **** about them,
when really they are good people,

**** anxiety,
and what i have to do to hide it,
every single day of my life,
i have to stay strong,
and put on a smile to be 'normal',

**** anxiety,
and the stupid emotions it gives me,
the butterflies everyday,
the shaking,
just **** it.

**** anxiety.

i gotta do this,
but i don't know how to.
it's all new,
but really it's just the same sh*t.
i'm gonna start,
i have to do this.






I am sorry,
for everything.

I could have done you better,
could have been better to you.

Gave you everything you needed,
said i love you a little more.

I am sorry,
for not being there most of the time.

For trying to fight my battles,
while fighting with you.

The darkness,
you never believed me.

Never tried to support me,
just shrugged and said 'oh well, **** happens.'

My attacks became more frequent,
and you didn't care.

You always yelled at me for not calling you back,
for not texting you good night.

Most of the time i didn't reply,
was because i was scared.

Upset,
and emotional.

My body began to shake,
my mind over-*******-thinking it.

You never cared about me that way,
never asked me if i was 'okay'.

I am sorry,
i had my own things going on.

I am sorry i didn't tell you,
but how could i?

Anyway,
it doesn't matter anymore.

You left out of anger,
you left me alone.

And i guess i had to let you go,
i needed to.

But in the end,
i am sorry for not giving you enough.

I am sorry,
i didn't call back.

I am sorry,
i loved- love you.

I'm gonna pick up the pieces
And build a Lego house
If things go wrong we can knock it down
My three words have two meanings
There's one thing on my mind
It's all for you

And it's dark in a cold December
But I've got you to keep me warm
And if you're broken I'll mend you
And keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on now

I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now

I'm gonna paint you by numbers
And colour you in
If things go right we can frame it and put you on a wall
And it's so hard to say it but I've been here before
Now I'll surrender up my heart
And swap it for yours

Don't hold me down
I think my braces are breaking and it's more than I can take


**i don't own this

"shut your mouth, you fat *****!"
oh alright. i wasn't talking but sorry for displeasing you.

"you're soo ******* annoying, you should go die!"
i already know that, but thanks for the reminder.

" your face annoys me, go somewhere you belong"
...

oh sorry,
you get to treat me like this and tell me *"it's nothing personal, darling"
it is personal,
because you only treat me like this.
it is personal,
because you remind me every single day of my ******* miserable life.

so **** this,
i'm over your ****.
you can think whatever the ******* want,
i don't give a **** anymore.
it's time i do me, and not what you want.

*********!

i can't sleep,
not after everything,
i roll over and check the time,
12:57am,
not even 2 hours,
it's gonna be a long night,
i roll over,
and toss and turn,
trying to get back to sleep then i hear it,
the tap,
i wait,
maybe it was just something outside,
nope there it goes again,
tap,

tap,

tap,
i roll over,
he is out there,
i know he is,
s much as i want him back,
i can't,
i can't do it anymore,
i almost go to the window,
but then i don't.

she sits there, in the dark, the only light coming from her computer screen.
tears stain her white cheeks, leaving trails of lies behind on her face.
she hands shake as she write to him, the truth everything about her.
she knows he wants he to be happy, to live life to the fullest, to be happy.
but she can't do that without him, and she knows the distance is what's holding them back.
she wants to tell him how she feels for him, the emotions she feels are so strong.
stronger than those 3 little words could ever mean, but she says them anyway.
she will wait for him, a year and half, more, if it takes that long, she will stay.
she loves him, only him, wants him, only him, needs him, only him, but he doesn't see that.
he wants her to go out, have fun, to see other boys, to live life to the fullest.
but she won't, she can't, she hates lying to people, makes her sick all the time.
she can't let someone fall in love with her, be with her, tell her they love her.
and all she will do is nod along, give empty promises, say meaningless i love you's.
he doesn't understand, that he is all she needs and she is happy to wait.
happy to love him always, even if he ends up loving another girl.
even if she is better, and he loves her more than her.
she will wait for him, a year and half, more, if it takes that long.
maybe she will fall out of love with him, but that's another what if.
what if this?
what if that?
what if he stops loving her, finds another girl?
what if she falls out of love with him, and has met another guy?
but then,
what if they meet each other, and things are okay, and they are still in love?
what if everything will be fine?
but then she has never really understood one thing, one simple thing in her life.
why does he love her?
why is he wasting his time, when he could have someone soo much better?
why does he love her?
why?

I am not my thoughts.

My Insecurity:
I overthink everything.
And i do it all the time.
From thinking i said, or did something wrong all the time.
I am always thinking i am not good enough.
That i am worthless.
I am always down-grading myself.
My thoughts rule me.
From years of people calling me fat, ugly, not good enough.
I now believe those words.
I always think those thoughts.
But i want to rise above them.
To be a stronger, healthier teenage girl.
I want to be happy.
I am ready to be happy.







Share your's:


I am not my ___.
(insert insecurity.)








This project is about sharing peoples insecurities without actually showing them.
Showing people that behind societies lies, everyone is human.
And i wanted to do something similar.
And as i researched this project, i became very interested with the pictures.
I urge you to check out the website and the pictures.

but he makes my heart race,

i don't love him,

But he knows what to say,

i don't love him,

and he knows me well enough,

i don't love him,

and he doesn't lie to me,

i n't love him,

but i need him,

and i need his touch,

but i know i will never have it,

never,

because he is that sort of guy,

he will never love me,

the way i need,

or want,

but i don't love him,

yet i want him soo bad,

but this isn't love,

i know what love is,

this isn't love.

i'm gonna make them boys build me castle made of pure innocence.
i'm gonna watch them build it and suffer under the weight of the pressure.
the pressure to be perfect.
all the time.
build the castle,
it's gotta be perfect.
because it it's not i swear...

i'm gonna sit in the castle and stare at the wall in front of me while they gossip and tell what not to do.
don't stare.
no.

i'm gonna sit in the castle and day dream about the but's and the what if's and everything in-between.
don't do that.
no.

i'm gonna sit in the throne,
i'm gonna kept my pretty mouth shut.
i'm gonna let them talk all they want.
i'm gonna be the stone cold queen the wanted.

we can watch the re-runs on tv,
buy all the seasons,
and watch the whole entire series,
and not even pay attention.

we could drive around town,
sit in the car with the radio up loud,
and watch the sunrise,
and not even have a care in the world.

we could joke around for a lifetime,
the puns and inside joke are endless,
and i would still laugh at 'em all,
and not even have to feel like i have to hide myself.

almost forgotten,
until you check your pockets,
until you feel the paper's edges against your finger tips,
almost forgotten,
until you remember the feeling it gave you,
until you think about the tingling sensation it left,
almost forgotten,
until you touch your lips with a memory of her touch,
until you wake up craving her words and touch.

how could you want me?
when you can have her.

why would you want me?
when she is there.

what's soo special about me?
she is better than me.

why me?
i am
ugly,
fat,
bad,
moody,
have problems,

i am
broken.

she is way better than me,
she is
pretty,
beautiful,
skinny,
blonde,
has a nice face
sweeter,
nicer,

she is
perfect.

she is what you need,
not me.

with me,
you have to deal with a broken girl,

with me,
you have to put up with a weird, clumsy, non funny girl,

with me,
you wouldn't have fun or call me pretty,

with her,
you would have fun,

call her pretty,
enjoy every moment spent,
making her smile,

with her,
you don't have some broken girl,

in need of something she know she can't have,

with her,
you would be happier,

so you can choose her,
it's okay,

i may be heartbroken,
but what's new?

you can choose her,
because i know,

that's really what you want.

When you leave, don't look back at me,
please!...

When we have our last kiss, don't tell me this,


When you say goodbye, don't be shy,


When you walk away, i won't beg you to stay,
not this time...

When you tell me you never loved me, don't look at me,


When you find The One,  love her right and don't run,
she doesn't need you to do what you did to me...

When you go, please walk away slow,
**let what we had linger a little longer...

i told you the truth,
why won't you believe me?
when i say,
you are prefect,
you are beautiful,
you are the one.

i tried to save you,
why didn't you listen to me?
when i said,
i was here for you,
will always be here for you,
that i loved you.

i wanted you to see,
why didn't you see what saw?
when i looked at you,
i saw a beautifully strong person,
someone who had people who cared about them,
who loved you soo much.

i didn't want you to die,
why did you have to die?
when i was about to tell you something,
i loved you and you saved me,
i wanted soo badly to save you,
i will always remember and love you.

i see you,
i smile.

every time,
i hear your name,
i get butterflies.

every time,
i am near you,
i can't speak.

every time,
we touch accidentally,
you feel the electricity.

every time,
i see you,
my heart breaks.

every time,
we talk,
my heart breaks.

every time,
i need you,
you're not there.

every time,
every single time,
i will never have you.

enjoy your time alone,
lonely while you **** the *****,
all those ****** who only want one thing,
and are gone.

you don't need to bother about wether or not i am going to find out,
to guess your lies,
because i am gone.

his hands on my thighs,
his fingers tangled in my hair,
his lips on my bare chest,
his eyes on mine,

his body hot on top of mine,
his voice husky and jagged,
his teeth biting my neck,
his tongue pushing against mine,

his promises heat my skin,
his finger prints making me want more,
his words give me more,
his thrusts make me believe.

I knew it,
All along,
That you never truly loved me,
For me.

You only ever used me,
For want you wanted,
The chucked me away,
And abused me.

You wanted me,
Once maybe,
For me,
My personality.

You wanted me,
To use me,
**** me,
And abuse me.

That’s all I am to you,
All old ***** rag,
Used when needed,
Then chucked away in a dark corner.

And I believed you,
Your words,
Your whispers,
When you said you loved me.

Just another pawn in your game,
Another ******* your list,
I will always be,
Just another girl to you.

I knew it,
The whole time,
That you never truly loved me,
And I loved you anyway.

You talk about her,
all the time,
her smile,
her eyes,
her.

And now,
a week later,
you two are dating.

You stay up late with her,
the way we used to,
you whisper,
hold hands,
smile.

do you miss what we had?

wasn't i enough?

i wish i was enough.

i thought i was enough.

but you left me for her,
she isn't a ****,
or a *****,
she is
nice.

But i wish you stayed,
that you wanted me,
that you needed me,
that what we had,
was enough
for you.

But it wasn't.
and i am sorry.

I loved you,
incorrect.

i love you.

and you love her.

I loved spending time with you,
but it started to get harder,
i was over-thinking,
how much
i loved
you.

I started to get really nervous around you,
i loved holding your hand,
holding you in my arms,
kissing you.

I couldn't handle it,
all this love.

i was afraid i would messed us up,
that i would loose you,
and i was scared.

i am sorry.

i talk about her,
because it hurts to look at you,
and know how much i love you.

I know how much you hurt.

i am sorry.

and every time i am with her,
i think about you,
i can't help it.

i wish it was you.

and i am sorry i was scared.

i didn't want to **** anything up.

but i guess i have already done that.

i have lost you.

and i want you.

need you.

and you were enough.

your all i need.

i am soo ******* sorry.

and i know that you won't want me back.

i have lost you,
and you have given up.