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4.7k · Jun 2016
MAKE it StOp!!!
summer Jun 2016


My clothes don't fit

My reflection in the mirror

All the people i have hurt

Every night spent crying myself to sleep


How do i stop these thoughts?

That are forever on a repeated loop.

I want it stop.

Please make it STOP!

not again


i know

i get it

i will never be skinny

i will never be pretty

i will never be enough

i will always be a nothing







i just want it to stop..

i have had enough..






i am fat

i am ugly

i am worthless

i am nothing.
3.8k · Apr 2016
My Reflection
summer Apr 2016
my reflection,
stares back at me,
with all my insecurities,
flying around
behind me.

my reflection,
still and lifeless,
makes me

my reflection,
at age 5,
was happy and enthusiastic,
dressed in bright colours
and loved to smile.

my reflection,
at age 9,
was insecure and semi,
with the changes going on.

my reflection,
at age 12,
was unhappy and hated life,
hated herself
because of how fat she was.

my reflection,
at age 15,
became a little happier,
but only a little
because she was still fat.

my reflection,
at age 16,
kind of accepts herself,
only kind of
because she will always be fat.

my reflection,
at age 16,
isn't perfect,
not for society
and not for anyone.

my reflection,
at age 16,
will never be enough,
for you,
or for anyone.
summer Apr 2017
being alone
2. spiders
3. ghosts and demons
4. being watched by a ghost
5. creepy noises when I’m sleeping
6. my anxiety consuming me
7. my depression consuming me
8. the dark of my bad days
9. death…
10. you leaving me
11. you lying to me about how you feel
12. you cheating on me
13. you loving another girl while you’re with me
14. you just learning to love someone else
15. that I’m not enough
16. that I’m not enough for you…
17. that everything you have ever told me has all been a lie
18. that one day I will be a bad mother
19. that one day I will be a bad wife
20. that I will remain a bad person forever
21. that I might ever not learn to love myself the way I deserve
22. that I won’t be happy
23. that I actually am a bad person
24. that people talk about me behind my back
25. that no one actually likes me for who I am
26. that everybody is faking
27. that everybody really hates me
28. that I deserve all of this…
29. bugs
30. bats
31. ants
32. snakes
33. creepy old men
34. the internet
35. people who don’t know me
36. people who will hurt me
37. people who think I deserve the way they treat me
38. people who hurt me regardless
39. people who don’t care about me
40. being broken again and again and again…
call them fears, i am just scared of these things. you don't need to understand, but i do want you to know. maybe you'll love me less, maybe you won't. only one way to find out, right?
986 · Mar 2017
don't forget me
summer Mar 2017
it's hard for me sometimes,
getting out of bed,
just to be dragged back into the dark.
blank spaces.

it's hard for me sometimes,
telling you what's really wrong,
when i don't know myself.
please don't get mad at me,
i'm trying,
but the dark is soo comforting.

it's hard for me sometimes,
because i don't want it to be about me,
but i make it about me.
i'm sorry,
i'm sorry,
please forgive me.

it's hard for me sometimes,
when i can't be there for you,
i feel you growing more distant.
i'm sorry,
it's my fault,
i deserve this.

it's hard for me sometimes,
to not think of the bad, inviting thoughts,
to keep them at bay with your words.
that's why i need your reassurance,
your love,
your words even though you have told me a million times.

it's hard for me sometimes,
when you push me away,
i'm not used to that.
i love you,
i want you,
but priorities, right?

please don't forget me!
i swear i'm doing you a favor,
you'll thank me later.
that sinking feeling. losing you. i don't want to lose you. but it's okay. someone else deserves you, not me.
891 · Mar 2017
summer Mar 2017
when we kissed there was a spark,
you kept my heart calm,
your smile was my art,
i was happier,

wondered about your scar,
i am broken and in parts,
remember when we watched the stars?
i was happier, way back with you,

ain't nobody hurt me like you do,
but i know nobody could love me like you,
promise i won't fade away, not because of you,
if you do find someone new,

because i was happier with you,
your sweet words echoing my mind,
and i will smile to hide all of my pain,
but you don't know that i was happier with only you,

baby, are you happier without me?
does that someone new kiss you like i did?
but if she leaves you like all the others,
just know i am waiting for you to come home to me.
879 · May 2016
summer May 2016
1. The feeling where you stay up at night, stare at your ceiling, ask yourself an infinite number of questions, then sit there and debate on whether or not you actually want to know the answer.

2. The feeling where you wonder who truly cares about you, and who is just using you; who is there for you, and who is so desperately waiting for you to fail.

3. The feeling where you feel like you're not good enough; that you need to be this, this and this to be successful and liked. You crave for the attention you know you can't have.

4. The feeling where you get frustrated because it's physically impossible to be 100% happy. You want someone to vent to, but no one will understand you.

5. The feeling where you question your value, your worth, your pride, yourself, everything...

and you think.

over think.

all night.

and all your left with is you, yourself, and a very dark place.

"i don't know where to go from here, i don't know who i am anymore," said the anxiety.
753 · May 2016
Me and You
summer May 2016
Me and You,
we go through,
what only others
think happens to other's,
not their friends and loved ones,

Me and You,
know what it's like,
to want something we know,
we can never truly have,
but yet we still crave it,

Me and You,
we put ourselves through pain,
every night with the thought of insecurities,
of never being good enough,
of feeling worthless,

Me and You,
can't help but feel this way,
call us beautiful,
we will never believe you,
because of the other lies we have had to deal with,

Me and You,
and completely different,
that's a good thing,
but always know,
i love you boo.

For Maddii,
you have the most beautiful smile

742 · May 2016
She is Trying.
summer May 2016
she hides
her tears
in the

she walks
around with
her heart
on her

she talks
about all
the things
everyone else
is too
afraid to

she thinks
about way
too many
things but
can still
force a

she knows
that in
order to
be loved,
you gotta
love yourself

And that's
what she
is trying
to do.
736 · May 2016
Our Heartbreak Story:
summer May 2016
I knew i shouldn't have gotten close,
shouldn't have risked everything,
to make you happy,
to be there for you,
only to have you hurt me,
it started like a dream,
a girl like you,
confident and willing to talk to me,
despite my looks and my thoughts about myself,
i remember the days we spent,
sitting and talking,
laughing and smiling,
talking about art,
about flowers,
about our different taste in music,
it's okay because i wanted to be near you,
i wanted you to know me,
like me,
but then things changed,
you changed,
your jokes began to get more real,
too painful for me to bear,
i started to get upset,
feel things i never felt before,
you shouldn't be having this effect in me,
i love you,
a little too late for that,
a little too late for everything,
you moved on,
did i mean anything to you?
did you love me?
the way i loved you,
did you feel the same?

i guess not,
you moved on,
as if i was nothing but a chapter,
in your book,
i tried,
i tried to move on,
soo badly i wanted something more,
than to feel this craving for you,
and to know,
i couldn't have you,
i tried to listen,
to the other girls,
tried to take my mind away from you,
but it always,
always came back to

i heard them,
but i wasn't listening,
all i could really hear,
was your voice,
and the last thing you said to me,
a stupid little word,
i ****** up,
i wasn't enough,
you had to leave,

what's the point anymore,
of anything,
of caring for you,
only to have you use me,
what's the point,
on wanting love again,
wanting someone else,
for them to do the same thing,
find someone better,
leave me,
without telling me,
and break my heart,

you broke my heart,
it will take a while,
i still think about you,
this is all too painful,

i message you,
i waited and waited,
for your reply,
my eager little heart,
thinking maybe you will say something else,
but no,
all you said was sorry,
i thought that maybe,
i would feel something from it,
feel closure,
let it go,
but it didn't,
these feeling won't go away,
and i need them to go away,
can you just,
go away,

I knew i shouldn't have gotten close,
shouldn't have risked everything,
to make you happy,
to be there for you,
only to have you hurt me,
i wrote this poem on request from a friend. he was going through heartbreak. we share the same story, the same pain, the same ache and desire for the person who left us. i thought i would help him get it out of his system, so i wrote him this poem. but i didn't think it would have a huge effect on me. but it did. so here it is, our shared heartbreak story.
733 · May 2016
just another sad love poem
summer May 2016
And to think about it,
she will always be,
his number three,

Behind closed doors,
she cries at night,
under the blanket without any light,

He will never know,
just how much she loves him,
she is drowning and does't know how to swim,

Behind closed doors,
she gives the pain away,
because she knows he won't stay,

He'll never love her,
how could he?
when he just wants to be free,

Behind closed doors,
she wishes on an impossible star,
but it will never come true because it's always too bizarre,

He won't see it,
they way she craves him all night,
and now i don't know what to write,

I guess this is it,
i love you and here the proof,
my amazing silly goof.
710 · May 2016
I Don't Deserve You.
summer May 2016
i blame you for my mistakes,
because i can't become face to face,
with the realities of the issues,
on the ground are tear crumple tissues,

your soo good to me,
it's almost hard to believe,
i yell at you when i'm angry,
almost want you to let me leave,

but i'm glad you don't,
and i know you won't,
you love me and that's it,
like a puzzle piece, we fit,

i hate how i treat you some times,
i feel guilty like their crimes,
and i am sooo terribly sorry,
and i know you worry,

i don't deserve you,
and i always knew,
you would be here forever,
and you won't leave me, never.
710 · May 2016
bring me the horizon
summer May 2016
i'm scared to get close,
i hate being alone. I long
for that feeling, to not
feel at all. the higher
i get, the lower i'll sink.
I can't drown my demons,
they know how to swim.

**I do not own this
summer Apr 2016
When someone asks me,
If I am in love,
I want to say no.

Because saying yes,
Will be more painful,
For me to say.

When I walk down the street,
I want to feel free from love,
I want to let go.

When I was younger all I wanted was love,
But I was naïve and fell for you,
And your lies.

I read those fairytale endings,
Where the princess’s met their prince,
And lived happily ever after.

I wanted that,
That’s all I ever wanted,
That one thing.

But in this world,
You cannot ask for something,
Without getting something in return.


You were soo nice to me at the start,
You didn’t want much,
But then you started to lie.

And I believed you,
I don’t know why.

I hated myself,
Whenever you hit me,
Because it was all my fault.

Too late for it now,
Sorry wasn’t an answer,
All I wanted to was to be in love.
680 · May 2016
Maybe One Day...
summer May 2016
What do I have to do to get you to notice me?
Change my hair, the way I walk.
My clothes, the way I talk.
We've known each other for some time now
yet I'm still invisible to you.
My feelings run deep and how
I wish you only knew.
I see your face every time I close my eyes
To me you just seem so different from the other guys.
To you I'm just a friend
Nothing more, nothing less
I settle for friendship in the end
Because I don't want to make a mess.
Instead I'll keep my secret to myself
And take my pride back off the shelf.
Until one day you finally see
That you and I were meant to be.
I'll wait for now but not too long
Because sooner or later I'll be gone.
So when will you notice me?
644 · Apr 2017
summer Apr 2017
I was about to give up,
But then he loved me,
and kissed me,
and i saw the stars for what they were,
and not what wanted them to be; wishes.

I think i finally know what i want,
and i'm afraid to tell him,
but i know he wants the same thing,
an easy and simple forever,
he is the reason why i am still living; a survivor.

to get past the anxiety,
to get past the depression that consumes me,
to stop finding ways to blame myself,
and hurting myself because i was too weak,
he made me see the beauty in things; in our faults.

and i love him,
soo deeply,
soo wholly,
soo purely,
i love him more than i have ever loved and it feels good.

because i'm not afraid anymore
summer May 2016
take my hand,
kiss my cheek,
and watch
it all
621 · May 2016
Throne Of Lies
summer May 2016
Let's start this off with a big woozie,
we all think your a bit of a ******,
a bit on the fake side,
you don't have anything to hide,
you think your a forgotten youth,
when really your hiding from the bleeding truth,
you always over-do it all,
one day you are going to fall,
from your throne made of lies,
you think you have all the guys,
toss and turn make a web of insecurities,
you are just another one of those saddening charities,
you see a mile of golden sand,
children standing hand,
in hand,
you don't join,
you don't flip the coin,
you sit there behind a screen,
you think you're a queen,
type and hit send,
but all you do is play pretend,
you think you can hide from all of them,
you're a piece of coal and not a gem,
you got tickets on yourself,
but your mind goes round and round like a carousel,
no tickets for me,
honey please,
you only crave one thing from all of it,
but you will never get it, not even one bit,
all the attention from the boys,
do they know they are just your toys,
playing around and saying what they want to hear,
baby girl you are everything they fear,
fake and plastic,
you heard it you little spastic,
please can you stop,
you'll never reach the top,

Let's end it with a big bang,
you're probably never gonna touch a guys ***** ****.
co-authored with Kyah
597 · Apr 2016
I'm Not Enough
summer Apr 2016
i am not pretty enough,
i am not skinnier enough,
i am not nice enough,
i am not fake enough,
i am not happy enough,
i am not enough,
Thanks Society :(
592 · May 2016
another day
summer May 2016
feeling the pain,
feeling the same,
feeling like ****,
feeling like this is it,
feeling alone,
feeling heavy as a stone,
feeling cold,
feeling old,
feeling bad,
feeling mad,
feeling the darkness,
feeling heartless,
feeling undeserving,
feeling like my world is curving,
feeling the pain,
feeling the same,
it's just
another day
587 · May 2016
A Poem (10w)
summer May 2016
With his touch,

i wasn't lost,

but really only found.
579 · Apr 2016
Let's Go To The Movies
summer Apr 2016
and order some popcorn,
with some pepsi.

let's go to the movies,
and sit on the middle of somewhere at the back.

let's go to the movies,
and throw popcorn at each other and pretend to be mad.

let's go to the movies,
and hold hands.

let's go to the movies,
and whispers cheesy pick up lines to each other in the dark.

let's go to the movies,
and see what happens.
563 · May 2016
There, But Not Gone
summer May 2016
she can't say this is happening again,
for it to happen again,
it would mean it would have had to stop,
then started again,
but it never ended,
only faded,
to a soft thud,
still there,
but never,
she can't say it stopped,
because it didn't,
it has always been there,
but just when you were around,
it started to faded,
away slowly,
it was almost gone,
soo close,
if you gave it a bit more time,
she would have been okay,
for once,
but you didn't giver her more time,
you gave her heartbreak,
mixed with heartache,
and the fear of never being good enough,
and not ever being loved,
she can't say she is fine,
and mean it,
because that would be a lie.
531 · Apr 2016
Acoustic Heart Beat
summer Apr 2016
my skin still burns from where you touched me,
my smile has only started to fade,
my lips still remember last night,
my hands run through my hair,
my body aches with a craving for you body against mine again,
my brain only thinking about you,
my heart beating harder and faster after thinking back to last night.

i can only hear my heart beat in my ears,
my mind switches back to last night,
your hard breathing,
against my chest,
my breathes coming out hard and fast,
you body,
pressing up against mine,
mixing sweat,
and emotions with hunger,
my hands running up and down your back,
your hands in my hair,
my lips moving in sync with yours,
my heart beat beating in time with yours,
the words you whispered to me,
the promises,
the sweet nothings,
all so fresh in my mind.

my skin still burns from where you touched me,
my smile has only started to fade,
my lips still remember last night,
my hands run through my hair,
my body aches with a craving for you body against mine again,
my brain only thinking about you,
my heart beating harder and faster thinking of your body on top of mine.
530 · May 2016
today is a bad day
summer May 2016
today, i woke up,
with my demons,
who are in a good mood today,
soo good,
they decided to make my day hell,
to make me feel like ****,
good morning,
they yelled,
i woke up,
with a sick feeling,
i did my hair,
while feeling like vomiting,
i almost did,
today is a bad day,
and i knew it when i woke up,
when i forced myself to eat something,
because i was on the verge of collapsing,
today is a bad day,
i saw him,
i smiled and he turned away,
today is a bad day,
because i almost ****** up everything,
and i didn't mean to,
today is a bad day,
and all my insecurities suddenly became visible,
and i tried to hide them,
today is a bad day.
529 · Oct 2016
summer Oct 2016
“lie to me again,” she whispered.

“i love you,” he said. ♡
summer May 2016
Ask him how i am,
after seeing me cry my life away,
act like you care,
when i feel like ****,
pretend to love me,
when you see me sobbing loudly,

that's okay,
i have no problem with that,
none at all,
because you're not important,
not anymore,
do you get that?

but when you make up ****,
about me,
that you know are not true,
will most defiantly make me mad,
stupid little boy,

i don't care about,
not anymore,
i never actually loved you,
but i said it any way,
because you said it,
i never really cared,

but it still ****** me off,
when you talk this ****,
and then shrug when i ask you why,
it still ****** me off to the point of no return,
when you know you have done something wrong,
but you don't care about me or my feelings,

i should have listened to her,
she warned me about you,
about you being a liar,
a cheater,
someone who uses me,

******* and your stupid lies,
******* and your blunt excuses,
******* and your bad kisses,
******* and your sad life,
wait, why would i?

i hate you!
500 · Apr 2016
The What If's:
summer Apr 2016
What if i loved you more.
2. What if i didn't fight back.
3.What if i said i was sorry all the time for the small things.
4. What if i huge you more.
5. What if i gave you what you wanted.
6. What if i wants you more.
7. What if i didn't yell.
8. What if i....
9. What if you treated me right.
10. What if you came home when you said you would.
11. What if you trusted me.
12. What if you wanted to touch me.
13. What if you needed me.
14. What if you didn't lie.
15. What if you loved you.
16. What if you didn't love her.
17. What if you never left early.
18. What if you...
488 · Apr 2017
Pretty Girl
summer Apr 2017
They won't tell you it hurts,
as his hands snake to your shirt.

They won't tell you it's his fault,
as your wounds are filled with salt.

They won't tell you it's will okay,
as he leads you on by being fake.

You won't know why it happened to you,
there was know way you could have known.

You won't have any help during the long nights,
where you remember the feeling of his bites.

You won't escape the dark,
and will avoid going to the park.

she will blame you for wearing those short skirts.

will be disappointed at you for lying.

Your younger sister,
will come and cuddle with you even though she is too young.


they say i was asking for it...
that i wore the low cut top for attention...
that my skirt was the purpose of all of this...
because i wore makeup at night...
and my perfume was too sweet and lingered...
they tell me that i am lying...
that it didn't happen like that...
that i wanted it...
they tell me how i felt during it all...

what they don't know:
it was 1:43am when i last checked my phone and was walking home.
i was 150m from my house.
i was standing underneath a streetlight to answer a text.
i was cold.
i was 17.
i wore those close because i felt good about myself.
he came out of the dark.
he was evil in his eyes.
his hands covered my mouth and wrapped around my neck.
i tried to fight against him as he dragged me away.
i tried to scream.
get away.
i tried to get away.
but i was asking for this, right?
he held me down against the cold cement.
pulled at my clothes until they ripped.
until my ***** were exposed and my skirt was at my ankles.
until my ******* were nothing but fabric next to my head.
he made sure i didn't make a sound.
he whispered things to me i will never forget.
the feeling of his hands around my throat won't ever go away.
or the way i was used and exposed.
he was stronger than me.
he made his and took everything away from me.
he then left me.
after knocking me out.
left behind a dumpster, i was alone when i woke up.
i was cold.
i was alone.
i had nothing left to call clothes.
nothing to cover me.
i was naked.
i was only 150m from home.
where i would have been safe.
nobody heard this happen.

The won't tell you it to your face,
but it's always the pretty girls' fault.
463 · Apr 2016
Low Kii Savage
summer Apr 2016
I thought what we had was gold,
was okay because you told me you loved me,
and i believed you.

I had the feels,
when you came home late at night,
with the same excuses.

You had a business trip to Tennessee,
you sent me pictures of the hotel rooms view,
you told me again you loved me and missed me.

Your intention was to keep it a secret,
i started to realise things didn't fit,
your lies didn't fit together.

Now we lay next to each other at night,
you don't say it anymore,
i don't care anymore.

I should have hang up the phone,
and let us continue being friends,
but you used your snake charms on me.

I thought what we had was gold,
was okay because you told me you loved me,
ad i believed you.
well, the title of this poem comes from an EP i am totally obsessed with at the moment. And in the EP, there are other song (like, duh!) anyway, i have incorporated those song titles, and their meanings into the song.

Check out the EP
Kiiara- Low Kii Savage.

The songs in there are:
Say Anymore
Hang up the Phone

so yeah... just thought i would she that because why not?
summer May 2016
on the verge of tears,
i try to help a friend,
on the verge of tears,
you are my only end,
on the verge of tears,
i can't do this anymore,
on the verge of tears,
i know i haven't won the war,
on the verge of tears,
your in my mind again,
on the verge of tears,
i feel all this pain,
on the verge of tears,
i will always love you,
on the verge of tears,
you didn't love me and i knew,
on the verge of tears,
i thought i was past this,
on the verge of tears,
i miss your kiss.
453 · Jun 2016
summer Jun 2016
tears streak her cheeks,
another night spent alone,
another night in this place,
another night without warmth,
another night feeling pain,
tears streak her cheeks,
this is her life now,
drowning in the voices of men,
happy men,
who want only one thing from her,
the only thing she can give,
push against the bodies,
pulled against the current,
her heart sore from the ache,
her lips craving something more,
her hands trying to find an anchor,
her mind taking in the fumes from the life she now lives.
404 · May 2017
summer May 2017
She sat on the 3 seat couch alone,
drink in hand and looking pretty.
Her mind somewhere else,
her foot tapping to the music.
Her glass was already 3/4th's gone,
and she only just got a refill.

As someone walks by,
she looks up and smile.
Trying to keep small conversation.
trying to hold herself together.
Fighting the tears behind her eyes
the pain of needing to let go.

But it's okay,
she is pretty and not at all in pain.
Her hair and makeup are perfect,
no indication that she wants to die.
So she downs the rest of her drink,
and sadly goes in to refill.

All this alcohol and it does nothing,
no numbness at all.
Only hazy thoughts bouncing back to you,
only you and always you.
She goes back to her couch and pulls herself together,
because girls like her aren't suppose to want to **** themselves.
399 · Apr 2016
Behind His Eyes
summer Apr 2016
on the inside,
he is insecure,
on the outside,
he is shy.

he is constantly feeling
like everything
is his fault.

he hated that he treated her
that he never told her
he loved her enough.

on the inside,
he hates himself,
on the outside,
he's too lonely.

he is always sorry,
for the small things,

he is too shy,
too far away,
too lost,
and he needs her.

behind his eyes,
are stories he will never speak of,
but thinks of,
every single night.

behind his eyes,
are memories too painful,
to speak of,
to anyone.

behind his eyes,
is pain,
pain that needs to be taken away,
because he deserves better.
To someone who never fails to make me smile everyday.
summer Apr 2016
take it with a pinch of salt,
kiss him and make he feel better,
you know it's you fault.

take it with a big smile,
show everybody your happier than you let on,
you know you would still be sad after walking a mile.

take it with forced laughter,
pretend to be someone you're not,
the will never know you were sad until after.

take it with a pinch of salt,
tell yourself you will be fine and cry yourself to sleep every night,
you know it was all your fault.
395 · Apr 2017
summer Apr 2017
i thought you loved me,
you lied to me every night,
you never loved me
387 · May 2016
summer May 2016
she wears t-shirts 3 sizes too big,
she wears jackets and jumpers,
she wears jean and pants,
she is just a normal girl,
or so you thought,

she wears t-shirts 3 sizes too big,
to cover her body,
the bones sticking out,
the insecurities of being fat.

she wears jackets and jumpers,
to cover the scars,
to hide them away,
so no one can question her.

she wears jeans and pants,
to cover the there scars,
the bigger ones,
the more noticeable ones.

she is just a normal girl,
or so you thought.
379 · May 2016
summer May 2016
she lay there naked,
under his gaze,
his eyes sweeping up and down her body,
her mind racing of what he could be thinking,
she feel insecure,
and vulnerable,
he parts his lips slightly,
*** she thought,
he hates me,
he doesn't love me,
he thinks i'm ugly,
he- he- he,
"I think you are the most beautiful girl i have seen" he says,
he thinks i am beautiful,
he loves me,
she wraps her arms around his neck,
and pulls him in close,
and kisses him with all she's got,
because he loves her,
and she loves him.
375 · Jun 2016
AnOtHeR wAsTeD bLuE yOuTh
summer Jun 2016
They keeping telling us


To plan for the future.

But you see,
How do we know if the future even exists?
How do we know that world won’t end tomorrow night?

We don’t.
It might not.
But then it could.
Another MaYbE...

sMaLl AnD bIg wHaT iF’s KeEp PlAyInG iN oUr MiNdS

We spend our days
And screaming names
We call our

We spend every night
And empty car parks
And running along train tracks
With stupid promises and naive thoughts.

They keep telling us


That no one will accept us for us.

But you see,
We don’t care what anyone thinks!
Or the reasons why they think it.

Why should we?
Maybe we should.
But we don’t.
And WhO cArEs?

wHy SpEnD sO mUcH tImE wOrRyInG wHiLe YoU cOuLd Be LiViNg?

We dream of first kisses
Mixed with sweat and lies
Burn and stay alight

We whisper everything
Of what it’s like to be held
We feel nothing and everything at once
We know what we are and what we want.
371 · May 2016
Me Myself and I
summer May 2016
stupid me,

no one cares,
why should they,
i don't,

can't do it anymore,
it's getting too cold,

dumb me,

i hate myself,
and so do you,
i know it,

am over it,
the voices in my mind
367 · May 2016
fuck anxiety
summer May 2016
the constant shaking,
and over thinking,
and the insecurities,
mixed with the feeling of always being alone,

**** anxiety,
and the attacks,
the crying,
and the sobbing,
the pain,

stupid anxiety,
for putting me through this this,
for making me hate the people i love,
for causing me to thin **** about them,
when really they are good people,

**** anxiety,
and what i have to do to hide it,
every single day of my life,
i have to stay strong,
and put on a smile to be 'normal',

**** anxiety,
and the stupid emotions it gives me,
the butterflies everyday,
the shaking,
just **** it.

**** anxiety.
361 · Apr 2016
Wrong Way
summer Apr 2016
don't choose him,

don't take him hand,
stop flirting.

it's a bad idea,
he will break you heart,

stop it,
stop touching his arm,

he is the bad kind,
you know it,

don't do it,
don't follow him,

go the other direction,
your going the wrong way,

come back,
don't do it,

come back,
355 · May 2016
They Said
summer May 2016
they said,
it would be fun,
no one will get hurt,
it's harmless,
it will be okay,

they lied,
it's safe,
no one will find out,
just for a short time,
we'll be okay,

they thought,
as they were drunk,
that it would be okay to,
have 6 people in a car,
and drive and drive,

they didn't see it,
the flashes of light,
the bright and undesirable sight,
the pain from looking,

they didn't hear it,
the screams to stop,
slow down and stop,
the sound go metal against metal,
the bang, crack and boom,

they said,
it would be fun,
no one will get hurt,
it's harmless,
it will be okay,

they didn't know,
that they would die,
at 3:27am drunk,
and high from the fumes,
they didn't get to say goodbye.
354 · May 2016
I Almost...
summer May 2016
I almost
gave up,
on you.

I almost
let you go,
because i thought...

I almost
stopped talking to you,
isn't that what you wanted?

I almost
said sorry,
but it wasn't my fault.

I almost
left you,
but then i thought...

I almost
told you,
that i needed you.

But then you
came home,
and held me.

But then you
never let me go,
till we woke up.

But then you
said sorry,
for the words you said.

But then you
with me.

But then you
told me,
you loved me more than the moon it's-self.
352 · May 2016
Us Against The World
summer May 2016







350 · May 2016
summer May 2016
take a selfie,
show some ****,
give 'em some dimple,
with hair in face.

act all sad,
and maybe even vulnerable,
because you know,
that's how to get the boys.

i met you last year,
and i thought maybe you were okay,
but nah,
your not.

take a selfie,
wear practically no clothes,
show some ****,
because you get all the boys.

take a selfie,
maybe someone will love you then,
but they won't,
not when your showing them everyhting.

take a selfie,
post it,
you look cute,
nah you say i am ugly you say.
341 · Apr 2016
summer Apr 2016
the stories
you and that
other girl about
what you two have
done in a dark room with
a few too many drinks in your
system and few too many regrets
in your head and about the things you
promised her but you couldn't deliver because
you were weak and you didn't really mean it when
you promised her the world or all the money or all your
love you couldn't keep one single promise to a girl who was
so in love with you a girl who stopped her life to be with you and
she gave up everything her job her family her friends to be with you and
you couldn't keep one single promise why did you make those promises then
to break her heart watch her crumble in front of you so you can enjoy the pain you
made her feel as you watch her heart split into two and watch the pieces get lost in transition
you didn't loved her you need to admit you that you played her like an instrument.
340 · Apr 2016
I am Sorry.
summer Apr 2016
i gotta do this,
but i don't know how to.
it's all new,
but really it's just the same sh*t.
i'm gonna start,
i have to do this.

I am sorry,
for everything.

I could have done you better,
could have been better to you.

Gave you everything you needed,
said i love you a little more.

I am sorry,
for not being there most of the time.

For trying to fight my battles,
while fighting with you.

The darkness,
you never believed me.

Never tried to support me,
just shrugged and said 'oh well, **** happens.'

My attacks became more frequent,
and you didn't care.

You always yelled at me for not calling you back,
for not texting you good night.

Most of the time i didn't reply,
was because i was scared.

and emotional.

My body began to shake,
my mind over-*******-thinking it.

You never cared about me that way,
never asked me if i was 'okay'.

I am sorry,
i had my own things going on.

I am sorry i didn't tell you,
but how could i?

it doesn't matter anymore.

You left out of anger,
you left me alone.

And i guess i had to let you go,
i needed to.

But in the end,
i am sorry for not giving you enough.

I am sorry,
i didn't call back.

I am sorry,
i loved- love you.
336 · Apr 2016
In One Moment:
summer Apr 2016
Its soo ******* hard to say,
Soo ******* hard to think about it.

But I can’t help but think about it.

I have too.

But it makes me sick.

The details, my stomach does flips.

I need to do this, I have to do this.

If I don’t, I will looose everything.

My mouth is dry from overthinking her smile.

My face are wet from remembering her laugh.

My hands are sweaty from remembering her touch.

I need to do this, I got to.

My lungs feel like they are going to burst.

I think my heart is missing beats.

That’s not normal.




Its soo ******* hard to say,
Soo ******* hard to think about it.

But I can’t help but think about it.

have too.

Because I love her.
334 · May 2016
Untitled (needs a title)
summer May 2016
He asked me what was one thing i really wanted,
and i had to stop and think for a bit,
but then it came to me as if i were haunted,
and now i get it,

I want happiness and to get away,
from the demons that eat at me,
on the coldest of nights coloured in grey,
he wanted to be free,

I want to be free and not feel like this all the time,
to get away from everything causing me pain,
the feelings are bitter like a lime,
i have nothing more to loose but heaps to gain,

Anyone could have said happiness or love,
the stereotypical **** they all say,
i want to fly away like a dove,
so we don't have to stay,

We could runaway,
Let's go away..
328 · May 2016
It's Called Having Fun
summer May 2016
it's called having a little fun,
it's start with a glance with a little bubbly feeling,
a craving for something more,

it's called having fun,
living on the wild side,
taking the most from life,
in one scoop,

it's called having fun,
while we dance in the rain,
without music except,
for the beat of our racing hearts.
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