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May 2017 · 404
...
summer May 2017
...
She sat on the 3 seat couch alone,
drink in hand and looking pretty.
Her mind somewhere else,
her foot tapping to the music.
Her glass was already 3/4th's gone,
and she only just got a refill.

As someone walks by,
she looks up and smile.
Trying to keep small conversation.
trying to hold herself together.
Fighting the tears behind her eyes
the pain of needing to let go.

But it's okay,
she is pretty and not at all in pain.
Her hair and makeup are perfect,
no indication that she wants to die.
So she downs the rest of her drink,
and sadly goes in to refill.

All this alcohol and it does nothing,
no numbness at all.
Only hazy thoughts bouncing back to you,
only you and always you.
She goes back to her couch and pulls herself together,
because girls like her aren't suppose to want to **** themselves.
Apr 2017 · 395
#npmhaiku.
summer Apr 2017
i thought you loved me,
you lied to me every night,
you never loved me
Apr 2017 · 644
#npmchange.
summer Apr 2017
I was about to give up,
But then he loved me,
and kissed me,
and i saw the stars for what they were,
and not what wanted them to be; wishes.

I think i finally know what i want,
and i'm afraid to tell him,
but i know he wants the same thing,
an easy and simple forever,
he is the reason why i am still living; a survivor.

to get past the anxiety,
to get past the depression that consumes me,
to stop finding ways to blame myself,
and hurting myself because i was too weak,
he made me see the beauty in things; in our faults.

and i love him,
soo deeply,
soo wholly,
soo purely,
i love him more than i have ever loved and it feels good.

because i'm not afraid anymore
Apr 2017 · 488
Pretty Girl
summer Apr 2017
They won't tell you it hurts,
as his hands snake to your shirt.

They won't tell you it's his fault,
as your wounds are filled with salt.

They won't tell you it's will okay,
as he leads you on by being fake.

You won't know why it happened to you,
there was know way you could have known.

You won't have any help during the long nights,
where you remember the feeling of his bites.

You won't escape the dark,
and will avoid going to the park.

Mother,
she will blame you for wearing those short skirts.

Father,
will be disappointed at you for lying.

Your younger sister,
will come and cuddle with you even though she is too young.

****!
*****!
DUMB BLONDE!

they say i was asking for it...
that i wore the low cut top for attention...
that my skirt was the purpose of all of this...
because i wore makeup at night...
and my perfume was too sweet and lingered...
they tell me that i am lying...
that it didn't happen like that...
that i wanted it...
they tell me how i felt during it all...

what they don't know:
it was 1:43am when i last checked my phone and was walking home.
i was 150m from my house.
i was standing underneath a streetlight to answer a text.
i was cold.
i was 17.
i wore those close because i felt good about myself.
he came out of the dark.
he was evil in his eyes.
his hands covered my mouth and wrapped around my neck.
i tried to fight against him as he dragged me away.
i tried to scream.
yell.
bite.
punch.
pull.
get away.
i tried to get away.
but i was asking for this, right?
he held me down against the cold cement.
pulled at my clothes until they ripped.
until my ***** were exposed and my skirt was at my ankles.
until my ******* were nothing but fabric next to my head.
he made sure i didn't make a sound.
he whispered things to me i will never forget.
the feeling of his hands around my throat won't ever go away.
or the way i was used and exposed.
he was stronger than me.
he made his and took everything away from me.
he then left me.
after knocking me out.
left behind a dumpster, i was alone when i woke up.
i was cold.
i was alone.
alone.
alone.
i had nothing left to call clothes.
nothing to cover me.
i was naked.
bare.
vulnerable.
i was only 150m from home.
where i would have been safe.
nobody heard this happen.

The won't tell you it to your face,
but it's always the pretty girls' fault.
summer Apr 2017
being alone
2. spiders
3. ghosts and demons
4. being watched by a ghost
5. creepy noises when I’m sleeping
6. my anxiety consuming me
7. my depression consuming me
8. the dark of my bad days
9. death…
10. you leaving me
11. you lying to me about how you feel
12. you cheating on me
13. you loving another girl while you’re with me
14. you just learning to love someone else
15. that I’m not enough
16. that I’m not enough for you…
17. that everything you have ever told me has all been a lie
18. that one day I will be a bad mother
19. that one day I will be a bad wife
20. that I will remain a bad person forever
21. that I might ever not learn to love myself the way I deserve
22. that I won’t be happy
23. that I actually am a bad person
24. that people talk about me behind my back
25. that no one actually likes me for who I am
26. that everybody is faking
27. that everybody really hates me
28. that I deserve all of this…
29. bugs
30. bats
31. ants
32. snakes
33. creepy old men
34. the internet
35. people who don’t know me
36. people who will hurt me
37. people who think I deserve the way they treat me
38. people who hurt me regardless
39. people who don’t care about me
40. being broken again and again and again…
call them fears, i am just scared of these things. you don't need to understand, but i do want you to know. maybe you'll love me less, maybe you won't. only one way to find out, right?
Mar 2017 · 272
nothing personal
summer Mar 2017
"shut your mouth, you fat *****!"
oh alright. i wasn't talking but sorry for displeasing you.

"you're soo ******* annoying, you should go die!"
i already know that, but thanks for the reminder.

" your face annoys me, go somewhere you belong"
...

oh sorry,
you get to treat me like this and tell me *"it's nothing personal, darling"

it is personal,
because you only treat me like this.
it is personal,
because you remind me every single day of my ******* miserable life.

so **** this,
i'm over your ****.
you can think whatever the ******* want,
i don't give a **** anymore.
it's time i do me, and not what you want.

*********!
Mar 2017 · 986
don't forget me
summer Mar 2017
it's hard for me sometimes,
getting out of bed,
just to be dragged back into the dark.
thoughts,
thoughts,
blank spaces.

it's hard for me sometimes,
telling you what's really wrong,
when i don't know myself.
please don't get mad at me,
i'm trying,
but the dark is soo comforting.

it's hard for me sometimes,
because i don't want it to be about me,
but i make it about me.
i'm sorry,
i'm sorry,
please forgive me.

it's hard for me sometimes,
when i can't be there for you,
i feel you growing more distant.
i'm sorry,
it's my fault,
i deserve this.

it's hard for me sometimes,
to not think of the bad, inviting thoughts,
to keep them at bay with your words.
that's why i need your reassurance,
your love,
your words even though you have told me a million times.

it's hard for me sometimes,
when you push me away,
i'm not used to that.
i love you,
i want you,
but priorities, right?

please don't forget me!
i swear i'm doing you a favor,
you'll thank me later.
that sinking feeling. losing you. i don't want to lose you. but it's okay. someone else deserves you, not me.
Mar 2017 · 893
Happier
summer Mar 2017
when we kissed there was a spark,
you kept my heart calm,
your smile was my art,
i was happier,

wondered about your scar,
i am broken and in parts,
remember when we watched the stars?
i was happier, way back with you,

ain't nobody hurt me like you do,
but i know nobody could love me like you,
promise i won't fade away, not because of you,
if you do find someone new,

because i was happier with you,
your sweet words echoing my mind,
and i will smile to hide all of my pain,
but you don't know that i was happier with only you,

baby, are you happier without me?
does that someone new kiss you like i did?
but if she leaves you like all the others,
just know i am waiting for you to come home to me.
Feb 2017 · 199
no title.
summer Feb 2017
When you leave, don't look back at me,
please!...

When we have our last kiss, don't tell me this,


When you say goodbye, don't be shy,


When you walk away, i won't beg you to stay,
not this time...

When you tell me you never loved me, don't look at me,


When you find The One,  love her right and don't run,
she doesn't need you to do what you did to me...

When you go, please walk away slow,
**let what we had linger a little longer...
Jan 2017 · 146
Untitled
summer Jan 2017
i didn't know what it felt like to be completely in love, helplessly heart broken and still wanting to kiss you for hating me.

i guess i do now.
almost there
Oct 2016 · 529
Untitled
summer Oct 2016
“lie to me again,” she whispered.

“i love you,” he said. ♡
Sep 2016 · 296
Shattered Thoughts #04
summer Sep 2016
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Please stop repeating it!!!

The hair pulling starts, STOP!
The staring into space starts, I’M SORRY!
The looking for something to feel again starts, I NEED THIS!
The screaming into endless voids of emptiness starts, I’M NOT ENOUGH!

My lips tremble as i place the blade to my skin,
My vision blurred with pain stained tears,
My hands steady as i make one swift movement,
Again,
And again,
And again,
And again,
And again,
STOP!
Mind flipping between people,
People i’ve let down,
People i’ve lost
People i’ve loved,
People i still love,
People i need,
People i’ve hurt,
People i wasn’t enough for,
And i’m sorry.

It’s my fault.
Always is!
My fault no one likes me for me.
My fault i’m forced to wear a mask everyday.
My fault i’m not happy.
My fault i’m scared.
Scared of letting people in.
For the fear of being used again.
Abused again.
Afraid someone will break me again.
My fault because i wear a mask and become someone else to protect myself.
Sep 2016 · 319
Shattered Thoughts #03
summer Sep 2016
Scream for help, i dare you!
I’m trying.
Ask for help because you’re weak!
I don’t want to be weak.
Remember when you cried all the time and everybody thought you were weak?
Yeah, how could i forget?
Only weak people cry!
I’m not weak.
You almost made it!
I almost made it.
You almost thought you were beautiful!
I almost thought i was beautiful.
You almost knew what it was like to be happy!
I almost knew what it was like to be happy.
Soo close babygirl!
I was soo close.
Soo close to being clean!
The scar was almost gone.
Soo close to loving yourself!
And i was really close to loving myself.
No one could ever love you!
I’m stupid for believing someone could love me.
How could they?
I mean, look at me!
You’re not enough?
I’m obviously not enough.
You’ll never be enough!
I’ll NEVER be enough.
Never!
Never.
Stupid girl!
Stupid me.
Useless!
I’m useless.
Worthless!
I’m worthless.
And the my personal favourite, NOT ENOUGH!**
And you’re personal favourite, i’m not enough.
Sep 2016 · 315
Shattered Thoughts #02
summer Sep 2016
The shaking starts, my hands,
The nausea kicks in, my stomach,
The pain reignites, my heart,
The emptiness echoes, my head,
The numbness screams, my mouth,

The shaking spreads, to my body,
The nausea get’s worse, my throat,
The pain feels good, my skin,
The emptiness explodes, my heart,
The numbness feels warm, my lips.
Sep 2016 · 325
Shattered Thoughts #01
summer Sep 2016
Voices yell, repeat, stop!
Louder, not enough, no!
Worthless, alone, again!
Almost, so close, never!

Voice yell, repeat, stop!
Angry, useless, idiot!
Stupid, ugly, i know!
Almost, so close, never!

Voices yell, repeat, stop!
Screams, empty, endless!
Again, alone, never!
Almost, so close, i know!
Fragments of the things that went through my head.
Sep 2016 · 165
the small things
summer Sep 2016
Let me kiss you,
Hold you,
Until forever gives up.

Let me show you,
Tell you,
Just how much i love you.

Let me want you,
Have you,
Just you and me.
Sep 2016 · 276
Paper Cuts
summer Sep 2016
In a paper town,
Not far from insanity made of glass,
From highlighted words,
And crooked lines coloured in cleanly,

Don't get too close,
Because a kiss might ****,
Don't turn the white page,
It's fragile and delicate,

Be careful you don't fall in love,
In love with the idea of someone,
Not who they are,
You're blind to do so,

Don't say the words out loud,
please don't ruin the silence,
Watch the silhouettes dance across our lips,
And keep the promises you made inside the book she left you,

Turn over to the next page,
Don't skip chapters,
If you do,
You might just get a paper cut from just how bleak her green eyes screamed "save me!"
Aug 2016 · 303
Boy's Like You
summer Aug 2016
Mommy warned me about boys like you,
How she once fell in love with one too,
When nobody cared who kissed who,
When the sun set and lost it's blue,
How she gave everything up to feel what she thought was 'love',
But he didn't feel the same and left her looking up at the stars above,

Daddy told me how we was once a boy like you,
He found himself questioning if anything he ever felt was true,
When every time he kissed a girl under the stars,
He never felt there but somewhere distant on Mars,
How he wanted to give up everything to be in-love,
And how he always felt alone watching the moon above,

I never thought i'd fall for a guy like you,
But once i was your eyes they became my favourite kind of blue,
The saddest blue in the ocean of yellows,
Driven crazy by empty echos,
You'll never know what love really is,
You'll forever, deep down always feel 'this'.
Aug 2016 · 213
Untitled
summer Aug 2016
those friends i had,
where we talked,
and got to know each other,
then one day,
you say goodbye.
not meaning a forever,
just to talk tomorrow,
or another day,
but then,
it suddenly seems that goodbye is it,
done,
gone,
memory faded,
words lost,
they're gone.


what do you say after 3 years?
Aug 2016 · 229
always
summer Aug 2016
you eyes have always said "for now"!
Aug 2016 · 211
bite marks [explicit]
summer Aug 2016
make me scream,
as you ****** deeper and deeper,
make me moan,
as your lips travel lower,
make me bite,
as your hands find my skin,
make me want more,
as you breathe harder,
make me sore,
as we forget our pasts,
make me hold you closer,
as we get lost in our forever.
summer Aug 2016
another push,
from one wall to the other,
back and forth,
continuous patterns incomplete,
another pull,
back into her mind,
in and in until you're suffocated,
by the haze and confusion of nothingness,
another push,
away from her words,
falling further down,
a never ending sentence of consonants,
another pull,
back into her arms,
into her grey eyes filled with loss,
a black and white photograph of a broken heart held together by a broken girl,
another push,
another pull,
another push,
another pull,
kiss her,
hold her,
hate her...

please...
Jul 2016 · 212
Him [explicit]
summer Jul 2016
his hands on my thighs,
his fingers tangled in my hair,
his lips on my bare chest,
his eyes on mine,

his body hot on top of mine,
his voice husky and jagged,
his teeth biting my neck,
his tongue pushing against mine,

his promises heat my skin,
his finger prints making me want more,
his words give me more,
his thrusts make me believe.
Jun 2016 · 375
AnOtHeR wAsTeD bLuE yOuTh
summer Jun 2016
They keeping telling us
Over
And
Over
And

Over
Again,

To plan for the future.

But you see,
How do we know if the future even exists?
How do we know that world won’t end tomorrow night?

We don’t.
It might not.
But then it could.
Another MaYbE...

sMaLl AnD bIg wHaT iF’s KeEp PlAyInG iN oUr MiNdS

SO INSTEAD OF CARING
We spend our days
SMOKING DOPE
And screaming names
INTO THE ENDLESS VOIDS
We call our
BREAKING HEARTS!

We spend every night
IN SHOPPING TROLLEYS
And empty car parks
WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD
And running along train tracks
UNTIL WE BRUISE OUR KNEES
With stupid promises and naive thoughts.







They keep telling us
To
Grow
Up
And,

Act
Normal

That no one will accept us for us.

But you see,
We don’t care what anyone thinks!
Or the reasons why they think it.

Why should we?
Maybe we should.
But we don’t.
And WhO cArEs?

wHy SpEnD sO mUcH tImE wOrRyInG wHiLe YoU cOuLd Be LiViNg?

SO WHILE THE REST OF THE WORLD IS AWAKE
We dream of first kisses
AND NEW SENSATIONS
Mixed with sweat and lies
WHILE OUR HEART
Burn and stay alight
IN THE MIDDLE OF SPACE.

We whisper everything
AND NOTHING ABOUT THE INBETWEENS
Of what it’s like to be held
DURING THE NIGHTS
We feel nothing and everything at once
CALL US NUMB
We know what we are and what we want.
Jun 2016 · 4.7k
MAKE it StOp!!!
summer Jun 2016
Fat
Ugly
Worthless
Nothing

Fat
Ugly
Worthless
Nothing

My clothes don't fit
FAT

My reflection in the mirror
UGLY

All the people i have hurt
WORTHLESS

Every night spent crying myself to sleep
NOTHING

FAT
UGLY
WORTHLESS
NOTHING

How do i stop these thoughts?

That are forever on a repeated loop.

I want it stop.

Please make it STOP!

FAT
not again

UGLY
please!

WORTHLESS
i know

NOTHING
i get it

FAT
i will never be skinny

UGLY
i will never be pretty

WORTHLES
i will never be enough

NOTHING
i will always be a nothing

FAT
UGLY
WORTHLESS
NOTHING

again

and

again

and



ag­ain...





i just want it to stop..

i have had enough..





so


close



to



giving


up





FAT!
i am fat



UGLY
i am ugly



WORTHLESS
i am worthless



NOTHING
i am nothing.
Jun 2016 · 294
feeling blue
summer Jun 2016
because of you,
your lies,
you left me,
do you know how that made me feel?

no!
i guess not.

maybe you did love me,
i loved you,
but then you left,
i am sorry i wasn't enough
Jun 2016 · 453
fumes
summer Jun 2016
tears streak her cheeks,
another night spent alone,
another night in this place,
another night without warmth,
another night feeling pain,
tears streak her cheeks,
this is her life now,
drowning in the voices of men,
laughing,
happy men,
who want only one thing from her,
the only thing she can give,
push against the bodies,
pulled against the current,
her heart sore from the ache,
her lips craving something more,
her hands trying to find an anchor,
her mind taking in the fumes from the life she now lives.
Jun 2016 · 258
drowning
summer Jun 2016
tears streak her cheeks,
her dress tight across her body,
her feet sore from walking all night,
her hands shaking with numbness,
her hair whipping her face,
tears streak her cheeks,
this is it,
she can't go on anymore,
this emptiness is killing her,
slowly but the pain is becoming unbearable,
the water look so beautiful,
her body swaying in the wind above the water,
she has been drowning for a lifetime,
and now she can end it all,
with a simple,
little jump,
now she drown away all the demons,
the voices.
summer Jun 2016
she sits there, in the dark, the only light coming from her computer screen.
tears stain her white cheeks, leaving trails of lies behind on her face.
she hands shake as she write to him, the truth everything about her.
she knows he wants he to be happy, to live life to the fullest, to be happy.
but she can't do that without him, and she knows the distance is what's holding them back.
she wants to tell him how she feels for him, the emotions she feels are so strong.
stronger than those 3 little words could ever mean, but she says them anyway.
she will wait for him, a year and half, more, if it takes that long, she will stay.
she loves him, only him, wants him, only him, needs him, only him, but he doesn't see that.
he wants her to go out, have fun, to see other boys, to live life to the fullest.
but she won't, she can't, she hates lying to people, makes her sick all the time.
she can't let someone fall in love with her, be with her, tell her they love her.
and all she will do is nod along, give empty promises, say meaningless i love you's.
he doesn't understand, that he is all she needs and she is happy to wait.
happy to love him always, even if he ends up loving another girl.
even if she is better, and he loves her more than her.
she will wait for him, a year and half, more, if it takes that long.
maybe she will fall out of love with him, but that's another what if.
what if this?
what if that?
what if he stops loving her, finds another girl?
what if she falls out of love with him, and has met another guy?
but then,
what if they meet each other, and things are okay, and they are still in love?
what if everything will be fine?
but then she has never really understood one thing, one simple thing in her life.
why does he love her?
why is he wasting his time, when he could have someone soo much better?
why does he love her?
why?
May 2016 · 622
Throne Of Lies
summer May 2016
Let's start this off with a big woozie,
we all think your a bit of a ******,
a bit on the fake side,
you don't have anything to hide,
you think your a forgotten youth,
when really your hiding from the bleeding truth,
you always over-do it all,
one day you are going to fall,
from your throne made of lies,
you think you have all the guys,
toss and turn make a web of insecurities,
you are just another one of those saddening charities,
you see a mile of golden sand,
children standing hand,
in hand,
you don't join,
you don't flip the coin,
you sit there behind a screen,
you think you're a queen,
type and hit send,
but all you do is play pretend,
you think you can hide from all of them,
you're a piece of coal and not a gem,
you got tickets on yourself,
but your mind goes round and round like a carousel,
no tickets for me,
honey please,
you only crave one thing from all of it,
but you will never get it, not even one bit,
all the attention from the boys,
do they know they are just your toys,
playing around and saying what they want to hear,
baby girl you are everything they fear,
fake and plastic,
you heard it you little spastic,
please can you stop,
you'll never reach the top,

Let's end it with a big bang,
you're probably never gonna touch a guys ***** ****.
co-authored with Kyah
May 2016 · 753
Me and You
summer May 2016
Me and You,
we go through,
what only others
think happens to other's,
not their friends and loved ones,

Me and You,
know what it's like,
to want something we know,
we can never truly have,
but yet we still crave it,

Me and You,
we put ourselves through pain,
every night with the thought of insecurities,
of never being good enough,
of feeling worthless,

Me and You,
can't help but feel this way,
call us beautiful,
we will never believe you,
because of the other lies we have had to deal with,

Me and You,
and completely different,
that's a good thing,
but always know,
i love you boo.

**
For Maddii,
you have the most beautiful smile

-Summer
May 2016 · 321
About Me:
summer May 2016
I want to write a poem,
a poem reflecting everything i am,
everything i feel right now.

But to put into words,
something that i can't even say out loud,
is as emotionally exhausting as it gets.

My life spent trying soo hard,
to make other's happy and okay,
because they deserve it.

My days spent trying to look happy,
forcing a smile while over-thinking everything,
because they watch me.

My nights spent wanting to tear at my skin to stop the pain,
crying myself to sleep while thinking about how unhappy someone i know is,
because i care too much.

I think too much about it,
about him, them, you,
why?

I want to forget about the darkness eating me alive,
day by day and night by night,
why can't i just give up?

Everyday i remember everything he said to me,
every waking moment we spent together,
i want to forget it all.

Everyday i can't forget the constant pain,
the nausea and shaking,
why won't this stop?

Everyday i wake up and stare,
stare at the wall,
what's wrong with me?

Everyday i am scared,
that i am not good enough,
maybe i'm not.

Everyday i am scared,
that people hate me and maybe they do,
but doesn't someone love me for me?

Everyday it's a struggle,
to get out of bed and put on make up and force myself to eat,
and then put on a smile.

I want to write a beautifully sad poem,
about all this,
but how can i when i don't understand it all?
May 2016 · 352
Us Against The World
summer May 2016
me
and
you

hand
in
hand

against
them
all

fighting
to
live

wanting
to
smile

needing
to
getaway

me
and
you

against
the
world
May 2016 · 710
bring me the horizon
summer May 2016
i'm scared to get close,
i hate being alone. I long
for that feeling, to not
feel at all. the higher
i get, the lower i'll sink.
I can't drown my demons,
they know how to swim.






**I do not own this
May 2016 · 220
Questions...
summer May 2016
i told you the truth,
why won't you believe me?
when i say,
you are prefect,
you are beautiful,
you are the one.

i tried to save you,
why didn't you listen to me?
when i said,
i was here for you,
will always be here for you,
that i loved you.

i wanted you to see,
why didn't you see what saw?
when i looked at you,
i saw a beautifully strong person,
someone who had people who cared about them,
who loved you soo much.

i didn't want you to die,
why did you have to die?
when i was about to tell you something,
i loved you and you saved me,
i wanted soo badly to save you,
i will always remember and love you.
May 2016 · 257
2 Types
summer May 2016
There are 2 type of people in life:

Those who sit in the back row of the cinema and throw popcorn at each other

OR

Those who tell those people to shut their faces with sour looks on their faces.




Which one do you want to be?
You only have one shot at life, so live it to the fullest.
Make each day, as if it were your last.
Take nothing and no one for granted.

**Make each day special.
May 2016 · 196
untitled haiku
summer May 2016
____________________­



so this is it huh,
the end of my life tonight,
what a weird feeling!


________________­__
May 2016 · 251
One Last Time
summer May 2016
________________


I miss the only thing,
that made me feel safe enough,
please come back to me!


_________________
A haiku,
i wrote just for you.
summer May 2016
Caught up in the smoke,
She only ever meant it to be a joke,
But she gotta attached to him,
As her body does a spin,

Dancing between trees made of lust,
This craving is a must,
Her hands in her hair,
With most of her skin bare,

Caught up in the moment,
She may be broken,
But she knows only one thing for sure,
you are her only cure,

She doesn't want to pressure you,
force you to feel blue,
she wants you here,
she never wants you to disappear,

Caught up in the thick smoke,
blinded by a haze and feel hands around her neck ready to choke,
she can't keep going on with these demons inside her,
she death was all but a beautiful blur.
summer May 2016
Ask him how i am,
after seeing me cry my life away,
act like you care,
when i feel like ****,
pretend to love me,
when you see me sobbing loudly,

that's okay,
i have no problem with that,
none at all,
because you're not important,
not anymore,
do you get that?

but when you make up ****,
rumours,
about me,
that you know are not true,
will most defiantly make me mad,
stupid little boy,

i don't care about,
not anymore,
i never actually loved you,
but i said it any way,
because you said it,
i never really cared,

but it still ****** me off,
when you talk this ****,
and then shrug when i ask you why,
it still ****** me off to the point of no return,
when you know you have done something wrong,
but you don't care about me or my feelings,

i should have listened to her,
she warned me about you,
about you being a liar,
a cheater,
someone who uses me,
*******,

******* and your stupid lies,
******* and your blunt excuses,
******* and your bad kisses,
******* and your sad life,
*******,
wait, why would i?

i hate you!
May 2016 · 334
Untitled (needs a title)
summer May 2016
He asked me what was one thing i really wanted,
and i had to stop and think for a bit,
but then it came to me as if i were haunted,
and now i get it,

I want happiness and to get away,
from the demons that eat at me,
on the coldest of nights coloured in grey,
he wanted to be free,

I want to be free and not feel like this all the time,
to get away from everything causing me pain,
the feelings are bitter like a lime,
i have nothing more to loose but heaps to gain,

Anyone could have said happiness or love,
the stereotypical **** they all say,
i want to fly away like a dove,
so we don't have to stay,

We could runaway,
Let's go away..
May 2016 · 371
Me Myself and I
summer May 2016
me,
worthless,
stupid me,

myself,
no one cares,
why should they,
i don't,

I,
can't do it anymore,
it's getting too cold,

me,
silly,
dumb me,

myself,
i hate myself,
and so do you,
i know it,

I,
am over it,
the voices in my mind
May 2016 · 742
Our Heartbreak Story:
summer May 2016
I knew i shouldn't have gotten close,
shouldn't have risked everything,
to make you happy,
to be there for you,
only to have you hurt me,
it started like a dream,
a girl like you,
confident and willing to talk to me,
despite my looks and my thoughts about myself,
i remember the days we spent,
sitting and talking,
laughing and smiling,
talking about art,
about flowers,
about our different taste in music,
it's okay because i wanted to be near you,
i wanted you to know me,
like me,
but then things changed,
you changed,
your jokes began to get more real,
too painful for me to bear,
i started to get upset,
feel things i never felt before,
you,
you shouldn't be having this effect in me,
you,
i love you,
a little too late for that,
a little too late for everything,
you moved on,
did i mean anything to you?
did you love me?
the way i loved you,
did you feel the same?

i guess not,
you moved on,
as if i was nothing but a chapter,
in your book,
i tried,
i tried to move on,
soo badly i wanted something more,
than to feel this craving for you,
and to know,
i couldn't have you,
i tried to listen,
to the other girls,
tried to take my mind away from you,
but it always,
always came back to
you,

i heard them,
but i wasn't listening,
all i could really hear,
was your voice,
and the last thing you said to me,
sorry,
a stupid little word,
sorry,
i ****** up,
sorry,
i wasn't enough,
sorry,
you had to leave,

what's the point anymore,
of anything,
of caring for you,
only to have you use me,
what's the point,
on wanting love again,
wanting someone else,
for them to do the same thing,
find someone better,
leave me,
without telling me,
and break my heart,

yes,
you broke my heart,
yes,
it will take a while,
yes,
i still think about you,
yes,
this is all too painful,

i message you,
i waited and waited,
for your reply,
my eager little heart,
thinking maybe you will say something else,
but no,
all you said was sorry,
i thought that maybe,
i would feel something from it,
feel closure,
let it go,
but it didn't,
these feeling won't go away,
and i need them to go away,
please,
can you just,
go away,

I knew i shouldn't have gotten close,
shouldn't have risked everything,
to make you happy,
to be there for you,
only to have you hurt me,
i wrote this poem on request from a friend. he was going through heartbreak. we share the same story, the same pain, the same ache and desire for the person who left us. i thought i would help him get it out of his system, so i wrote him this poem. but i didn't think it would have a huge effect on me. but it did. so here it is, our shared heartbreak story.
summer May 2016
on the verge of tears,
i try to help a friend,
on the verge of tears,
you are my only end,
on the verge of tears,
i can't do this anymore,
on the verge of tears,
i know i haven't won the war,
on the verge of tears,
your in my mind again,
on the verge of tears,
i feel all this pain,
on the verge of tears,
i will always love you,
on the verge of tears,
you didn't love me and i knew,
on the verge of tears,
i thought i was past this,
on the verge of tears,
i miss your kiss.
May 2016 · 733
just another sad love poem
summer May 2016
And to think about it,
she will always be,
his number three,

Behind closed doors,
she cries at night,
under the blanket without any light,

He will never know,
just how much she loves him,
she is drowning and does't know how to swim,

Behind closed doors,
she gives the pain away,
because she knows he won't stay,

He'll never love her,
how could he?
when he just wants to be free,

Behind closed doors,
she wishes on an impossible star,
but it will never come true because it's always too bizarre,

He won't see it,
they way she craves him all night,
and now i don't know what to write,

I guess this is it,
i love you and here the proof,
my amazing silly goof.
May 2016 · 227
It's Okay
summer May 2016
how could you want me?
when you can have her.

why would you want me?
when she is there.

what's soo special about me?
she is better than me.

why me?
i am
ugly,
fat,
bad,
moody,
have problems,

i am
broken.

she is way better than me,
she is
pretty,
beautiful,
skinny,
blonde,
has a nice face
sweeter,
nicer,

she is
perfect.

she is what you need,
not me.

with me,
you have to deal with a broken girl,

with me,
you have to put up with a weird, clumsy, non funny girl,

with me,
you wouldn't have fun or call me pretty,

with her,
you would have fun,

call her pretty,
enjoy every moment spent,
making her smile,

with her,
you don't have some broken girl,

in need of something she know she can't have,

with her,
you would be happier,

so you can choose her,
it's okay,

i may be heartbroken,
but what's new?

you can choose her,
because i know,

that's really what you want.
May 2016 · 355
They Said
summer May 2016
they said,
it would be fun,
no one will get hurt,
it's harmless,
it will be okay,

they lied,
it's safe,
no one will find out,
just for a short time,
we'll be okay,

they thought,
as they were drunk,
that it would be okay to,
have 6 people in a car,
and drive and drive,

they didn't see it,
the flashes of light,
the bright and undesirable sight,
the pain from looking,
away,

they didn't hear it,
the screams to stop,
slow down and stop,
the sound go metal against metal,
the bang, crack and boom,

they said,
it would be fun,
no one will get hurt,
it's harmless,
it will be okay,

they didn't know,
that they would die,
at 3:27am drunk,
and high from the fumes,
they didn't get to say goodbye.
May 2016 · 328
It's Called Having Fun
summer May 2016
it's called having a little fun,
it's start with a glance with a little bubbly feeling,
a craving for something more,

it's called having fun,
living on the wild side,
taking the most from life,
in one scoop,

it's called having fun,
while we dance in the rain,
without music except,
for the beat of our racing hearts.
May 2016 · 379
untitled
summer May 2016
she lay there naked,
under his gaze,
his eyes sweeping up and down her body,
her mind racing of what he could be thinking,
she feel insecure,
and vulnerable,
he parts his lips slightly,
*** she thought,
he hates me,
he doesn't love me,
he thinks i'm ugly,
he- he- he,
"I think you are the most beautiful girl i have seen" he says,
he thinks i am beautiful,
he loves me,
she wraps her arms around his neck,
and pulls him in close,
and kisses him with all she's got,
because he loves her,
and she loves him.
May 2016 · 879
AnXiEtY
summer May 2016
(n)
1. The feeling where you stay up at night, stare at your ceiling, ask yourself an infinite number of questions, then sit there and debate on whether or not you actually want to know the answer.

2. The feeling where you wonder who truly cares about you, and who is just using you; who is there for you, and who is so desperately waiting for you to fail.

3. The feeling where you feel like you're not good enough; that you need to be this, this and this to be successful and liked. You crave for the attention you know you can't have.

4. The feeling where you get frustrated because it's physically impossible to be 100% happy. You want someone to vent to, but no one will understand you.

5. The feeling where you question your value, your worth, your pride, yourself, everything...

and you think.

over think.

all night.


and all your left with is you, yourself, and a very dark place.







"i don't know where to go from here, i don't know who i am anymore," said the anxiety.
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