feeling the pain,
feeling the same,
feeling like ****,
feeling like this is it,
feeling alone,
feeling heavy as a stone,
feeling cold,
feeling old,
feeling bad,
feeling mad,
feeling the darkness,
feeling heartless,
feeling undeserving,
feeling like my world is curving,
feeling the pain,
feeling the same,
it's just
another day

today, i woke up,
with my demons,
who are in a good mood today,
soo good,
they decided to make my day hell,
to make me feel like ****,
good morning,
they yelled,
i woke up,
with a sick feeling,
i did my hair,
while feeling like vomiting,
i almost did,
today is a bad day,
and i knew it when i woke up,
when i forced myself to eat something,
because i was on the verge of collapsing,
today is a bad day,
i saw him,
i smiled and he turned away,
today is a bad day,
because i almost ****** up everything,
and i didn't mean to,
today is a bad day,
and all my insecurities suddenly became visible,
and i tried to hide them,
today is a bad day.

the constant shaking,
and over thinking,
and the insecurities,
mixed with the feeling of always being alone,

**** anxiety,
and the attacks,
the crying,
and the sobbing,
the pain,

stupid anxiety,
for putting me through this this,
for making me hate the people i love,
for causing me to thin **** about them,
when really they are good people,

**** anxiety,
and what i have to do to hide it,
every single day of my life,
i have to stay strong,
and put on a smile to be 'normal',

**** anxiety,
and the stupid emotions it gives me,
the butterflies everyday,
the shaking,
just **** it.

**** anxiety.

almost forgotten,
until you check your pockets,
until you feel the paper's edges against your finger tips,
almost forgotten,
until you remember the feeling it gave you,
until you think about the tingling sensation it left,
almost forgotten,
until you touch your lips with a memory of her touch,
until you wake up craving her words and touch.

she stands there,
in her room,
the only light coming from a dimly lit lamp,
sitting in the corner of the room,

she stands there,
thinking about it,
about you,
and everything in-between,

she stands there,
with a knife in her hands,
and words in her mind,
that will always be there,

she stands there,
with tears running down her cheeks,
not bothering to wipe them away,
because nothing matters now,

she stands there,
with her arms out,
looking down at it,
thinking about what this means,

she stands there,
knife to skin,
silence in the air,
someone yelling at her inside her head,

she stands there,
listening to the voice,
just do it already it says,
you don't even matter it says,

she stands there,
a memory came to here,
you and her smiling and laughing ,
it was all her fault,

she stands there,
looks over at the clock,
red numbers flick over as time passes by,
3:12am it says,

she lays there,
in her room,
the only light coming from a dimly lit lamp,
sitting in the corner of the room,

maybe this will be it,
when i finally have the guts to do it,
to admit to myself,
that this is what i really want,
what i really need,
maybe this will solve it all,
solve the rumours,
solve the drama's,
solve the lies,
maybe it would make some people happy,
to see a girl like me,
gone,
to know that,
she doesn't exist anymore,
so they can finally say,
thank **** for that,
maybe it's the right thing to do,
i'm sick of seeing the scars and the blood,
because really,
what does it all come down to?
whether or not i can do it,
because maybe this time,
i will,
because i am sick of the stares,
the rumours,
the lies,
and their liars,
i'm sick of the fake people,
because what did i do,
to deserve this,
nothing,
just another girl,
trying to make her mark of the world,
trying to be normal,
fit in,
be happy even,
just another girl,
that no one cares about,
because i don't show my scars,
because i don't make them visible,
because i don't talk about death,
and the craving it has on me,
and the dark nights spent alone,
wondering if someone actually gives a **** about me,
maybe,
just maybe,
i was wrong for once,
no one cares about me,
no one will,
how can they,
when i don't even care myself,
maybe this is it,
finally,
my last goodbye,
and i wrote it to you,
because maybe,
you care,
but i could be wrong.

i thought i deleted them all,
the pictures of you and me,
our memories,
i thought i erased them,
forgot them,
but there they are,
in front of me,
causing me more pain each second i look at them,
our smiles,
the way you look at me,
us,
now gone,
i thought i deleted them all,
the pictures that make me cry,
that pictures that make me feel alone,
1 year after,
and you still have the same affect you had on me from the start,
1 year,
and i still feel the same,
and what hurts the most,
is that you don't feel the same,
and i have to move on,
i gotta move on,
for myself,
to be happy again,
because holding on,
is doing nothing,
nothing but pain,
and loneliness,
and the dark nights,
and the bad days,
which happen way too often to tell apart from my good ones,
i thought i deleted them all,
i wish i never took them in the first place.

She walked into a room,
with walls painted white,
too bright for all her gloom,
but being here might be right.

On the walls are painted words,
Welcome To Reality, it reads,
her heart had been broken into thirds,
but being here is what she needs.

She sat down in a plain, green chair,
next to a taller boy who looked sad,
with dark brown hair,
but being here might not be too bad.

He smiled at her,
but only a little,
she thought of her past and all the "were's",
but being here won't make her soo brittle.

She is broken on the inside,
never happy and always alone,
she wears a smile to say i'm fine,
but being here is better and she has always known.

She wants to feel again,
something other that the endless pit of numbness,
to be happy truly and to forget all the stupid thoughts in her brain,
but being here isn't really the dumbest.

She looks around the room once more,
her eyes flickering from face to face,
and then to the door,
and she knows that by being here, it is the right place.

She's
Broken

i
don't
need
you
to
constantly
make
me
feel
bad
sad
and
alone,

i­
already
do
that
to
myself.

take a selfie,
show some ****,
give 'em some dimple,
with hair in face.

act all sad,
and maybe even vulnerable,
because you know,
that's how to get the boys.

i met you last year,
and i thought maybe you were okay,
but nah,
your not.

take a selfie,
wear practically no clothes,
show some ****,
because you get all the boys.

take a selfie,
maybe someone will love you then,
but they won't,
not when your showing them everyhting.

take a selfie,
post it,
you look cute,
nah you say i am ugly you say.

oh, she flinched when you went to touch her,
she didn't want you to touch her,
so don't touch her,
please.

oh, she built her walls to get away from you,
she didn't want to know you,
leave her alone,
please.

oh, she distracts herself when it is just you two,
she doesn't want to be near you,
get away from here,
please.

oh, she doesn't say much when you're around,
she doesn't feel comfortable,
stop talking,
please.

og, she walked away from you today and every other day,
she didn't want to stay there next to you,
go away,
please.

oh, she is happy and she smile and laughs,
she is with her friends,
don't you see,
please.

oh, she is more beautiful than ever when she is happy,
she says what she wants and looks nice,
it was you,
please.

oh, you thought she was fragile,
you were wrong,
because look
at her.

i can't sleep,
not after everything,
i roll over and check the time,
12:57am,
not even 2 hours,
it's gonna be a long night,
i roll over,
and toss and turn,
trying to get back to sleep then i hear it,
the tap,
i wait,
maybe it was just something outside,
nope there it goes again,
tap,

tap,

tap,
i roll over,
he is out there,
i know he is,
s much as i want him back,
i can't,
i can't do it anymore,
i almost go to the window,
but then i don't.

With his touch,

i wasn't lost,

but really only found.