Whisper to me
Softly,
Am I worth your time?
And with each and every
Word that just so happens
To rhyme,
I will take my chances,
And answer in kind.

You are the flame
Burning in my heart,
And the red string of fate
Tangles around me
Just so,
That I fall into your arms,
And am tangled within yours.

I see pictures of
The human heart,
And like every work of art,
Have you ever wondered
Why it is the way it is?

The shape we know
As a heart,
Is supposed to be two human hearts
Combined through love
As one.

And daylight fades into night,
And I can feel the shift,
Nothing is right,
But it doesn't matter.

Because how can anything matter more
At this moment
Than my yearning to be
In your arms.

Put ice on your wrists,
Or wherever the scars usually appear,
And hold it for five to ten minutes,
The urge should disappear,
Along with the sensation in your veins
The signals to you
That you're about to black out.

If you don't have ice,
Apply pressure with your hands.
Bonus points if they're cold.

Don't allow yourself to become too aware
Of the blood in your veins.

Breathing exercises help too,
And while you're at it try grounding yourself.

Count how many things you can see up to five.
Then count four things you can hear.
Three you can touch,
Two you can smell,
And one you can taste.

Make a list of what calms you,
Make a list of what gives you bliss,
See how many things go between each.

Talk  yourself down,
Remind yourself you can't do this.
Remind yourself you have to remember.

Don't focus on the trigger.
Forget it,
Quickly.

Distract yourself.
Something you can hear-- Music.
Something you can taste-- Gum.
Something you can feel-- Your lion.
Something you can smell-- His sweatshirt.
But what do you focus on?

You can't seem to find a fixed point to keep your eyes on,
And the threat of a black out is receding,
But why did it start?

You can't even remember what set you off.

Your hands are soaked.
The ice cubes melted on your wrists.

“lie to me again,” she whispered.

“i love you,” he said. ♡

Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Not enough!
Please stop repeating it!!!

The hair pulling starts, STOP!
The staring into space starts, I’M SORRY!
The looking for something to feel again starts, I NEED THIS!
The screaming into endless voids of emptiness starts, I’M NOT ENOUGH!

My lips tremble as i place the blade to my skin,
My vision blurred with pain stained tears,
My hands steady as i make one swift movement,
Again,
And again,
And again,
And again,
And again,
STOP!
Mind flipping between people,
People i’ve let down,
People i’ve lost
People i’ve loved,
People i still love,
People i need,
People i’ve hurt,
People i wasn’t enough for,
And i’m sorry.

It’s my fault.
Always is!
My fault no one likes me for me.
My fault i’m forced to wear a mask everyday.
My fault i’m not happy.
My fault i’m scared.
Scared of letting people in.
For the fear of being used again.
Abused again.
Afraid someone will break me again.
My fault because i wear a mask and become someone else to protect myself.

Scream for help, i dare you!
I’m trying.
Ask for help because you’re weak!
I don’t want to be weak.
Remember when you cried all the time and everybody thought you were weak?
Yeah, how could i forget?
Only weak people cry!
I’m not weak.
You almost made it!
I almost made it.
You almost thought you were beautiful!
I almost thought i was beautiful.
You almost knew what it was like to be happy!
I almost knew what it was like to be happy.
Soo close babygirl!
I was soo close.
Soo close to being clean!
The scar was almost gone.
Soo close to loving yourself!
And i was really close to loving myself.
No one could ever love you!
I’m stupid for believing someone could love me.
How could they?
I mean, look at me!
You’re not enough?
I’m obviously not enough.
You’ll never be enough!
I’ll NEVER be enough.
Never!
Never.
Stupid girl!
Stupid me.
Useless!
I’m useless.
Worthless!
I’m worthless.
And the my personal favourite, NOT ENOUGH!**
And you’re personal favourite, i’m not enough.