when i was 4 i was ashamed of feminity
when i was 5 i started comparing myself to other girls
when i was 7 i weighed myself on a daily basis
when i was 8 i thought that if i wasnt skinny i wasnt beautiful
when i was 10 i learned the word "****"
when i was 12 i hurt myself because i didnt think i was good enough
when i was 13 i wore a shirt that showed my shoulders in school. i was told i was asking for it
when i was 14 i had to go to a psychologist because my self esteem was so low i wanted to die
i still cant wear a skirt without someone commenting on its length
i still cant speak my mind and have a man take me seriously
i still cant mutter the word "feminism" without a boy looking at me like i'm ****
i still look in the mirror and hate myself
i still wonder if im asking for it
i still worry about walking the streets alone and my brother never did
i still get asked why i need feminism
because being called a girl is an insult
because men STILL think its all about men
because im more worried about being ***** than how my grades are
because no matter how smart i am, a boy is somehow better
because girls still die everyday as feminism is disregarded
because feminism is "a joke"
because "why isnt it called equalism?"
because i feel that we are worth it

I should've guessed, I should've known.
If there's a lightning, thunder will come.

That I was a guest, this wasn't my home,
but I was just too afraid to be alone.

Winds might change after tomorrow
and the sea my pain could somehow swallow.

But today there's this mountain of sorrow,
that blocks the sun, and makes me feel hollow.

Tonight,
It feels calm yet perturbed
Carrying this weight of regret
Fills my heart with malevolent beats of distress
Pumping motions of prying blood
Purple tint stains as it cuts
Screaming in pain but to no avail
Help is not needed but weary the mind
"You’ll seek what you’ll find
Beneath the shadows of imminent time.”

Tonight,
Verged with desire
To seek the forgotten light
Above the skies and among the stars
Hidden within this immense universe
Waiting as it pours
To the ground with glinting flames
For when I will get better
I will turn all this mess
Into beautiful shades of existence
Prior to what has held to evade norms
To change what was lost
To be claimed and found.

Tonight,
To feel what is certain
Yet leading to disappointment
Crying in vain to appease regret’s misery
I believe in fate
To a whole new life’s beginning
Displeasing life to graze within its end
Without it,
It has no meaning.

*Tonight,
The love we were once hurt to prevail
Learning to love and be loved again
And live in happiness until forever ends.