the rain is full of ghosts tonight
they push the trees to tap on the glass
they moan and shake the leaves
i watch the moon and ponder
where my lips have been
who i have touched
i have forgotten the ones in between,
forgotten when i wonder why
it’s then and now and in between
here i am stuck in the middle
the arms that held me weren’t as strong
as my head rested on another’s pillow
i ask the ghosts what went wrong
they sigh and leave me alone.

i hope you never find out that i am praying for you
that God gives you your salvation in small doses.
i never want you to get the satisfaction
that a person can still care about you
God and i have our secrets.
it brings me pleasure to know that i can find solace in helping you indirectly
even if it is unfair to me.
life has not been gentle to me
or kind
but i will forever be soft.
that is how God made me.
my softness will not be used as a punching bag.
i will use it to inspire you.
to show you compassion
even if you never gave it to me.
God and i are praying you’ll give it to yourself.

i get high
and i don’t feel your
absense

i am sure you love the way her hair falls over her shoulder
you love the way she sings when your windows are rolled down
the way she plays with your dogs
the ways she rubs your pinky with hers
the way you want her to rub other parts of you
does her art inspire you?
are her passions impassionate?
have you cleaned her and brushed her hair as she wept?
is she the same woman i was?
i am just a copy of someone you want
a coy so you can decide if you want to deal with girls like me
a body to be your playground
a mind for you to twist and figure out just what nerves to hit
has she filled all of the empty spaces you wanted from me?

i spun you through my life
as you wove in and out
both of us as spiders
making a silk web that destroys when the rain comes.
i wanted to be your permant home
i wanted the storms
i wanted the torn silk, but preferably only on my bed sheets
if you missed our house as much as i do wouldn’t you come back to repair the foundation?
i know you missed the way i looked in a door frame
a silhouette of your grown man’s dream
please when you return
ignore the unmoved lawn
ignore the cracked ceilings
do not feel ashamed
the front door will always be open for you.

I’ll be the girlfriend in your *******
Only for now
As I am hoping you keep a place for me in your bed or if your sheets are always cold
Fulfill my last wish for you as I would do the same
My self control is weak
And I hope I stay on your mind
Like a parasite
I hope you crave the feeling
Of my curves
My clear, soft skin
Under your clamy hands
I was your clay, as you shaped me into yours
I rode you and drove you crazy
Every place I licked, ******, and begged out of you
As I was feining
You rose like a symphony and told me to take a bow
For my show is art and you will always be the only one to receive it
When she does the same, do you wish it was me?
Do you not wish I was on my knees for your ***** work?
Every time you attempt to sculpt her
Your clay falls and you give up
When you run your hands over her
Do you have to close your eyes?
And yearn for another
Intimate masterpiece
Only I can give you?

does she drive you wild
or just mildly free
does she fill your soul
or is the glass only half empty
do you miss the way I brushed your hair
or the smell of all my things
when you fall asleep beside her every night
does your mind ever wonder to what if it was me
when you wake up in the morning
do you wish I made you breakfast
or has she replaced the simple things in life
I miss the way I fit in your neck
But now you are inside of mine
I should’ve kissed you when
you were yelling
I should’ve held you when we were crying
But now I have a toast to you and her
Even though I still can’t look at you
I raise my glass for a cheers to your happiness
But what about me
What about mine
What about the way you wrapped around me
Like a secret you couldn’t keep
I still can’t lie my stomach dropped when I saw you dancing with her in a parking lot
And I cried for days and days
This is just a merry go round
I get hooked on you and go
Down and
Down and
Down
I told myself I wouldn’t cry because then you would recognize the storm that I am a sailboat in
I crave to know if I run through your mind
Or if I only jog around for a while
If you drive around for a little longer
Just to see if you pass my Toyota
Or if you take the necessary routes
Where is my apology
What about me?