does she drive you wild
or just mildly free
does she fill your soul
or is the glass only half empty
do you miss the way I brushed your hair
or the smell of all my things
when you fall asleep beside her every night
does your mind ever wonder to what if it was me
when you wake up in the morning
do you wish I made you breakfast
or has she replaced the simple things in life
I miss the way I fit in your neck
But now you are inside of mine
I should’ve kissed you when
you were yelling
I should’ve held you when we were crying
But now I have a toast to you and her
Even though I still can’t look at you
I raise my glass for a cheers to your happiness
But what about me
What about mine
What about the way you wrapped around me
Like a secret you couldn’t keep
I still can’t lie my stomach dropped when I saw you dancing with her in a parking lot
And I cried for days and days
This is just a merry go round
I get hooked on you and go
Down and
Down and
Down
I told myself I wouldn’t cry because then you would recognize the storm that I am a sailboat in
I crave to know if I run through your mind
Or if I only jog around for a while
If you drive around for a little longer
Just to see if you pass my Toyota
Or if you take the necessary routes
Where is my apology
What about me?

i am soft
i am soft from your blows
as my skin turns the purple
of thunderstorms
i am the sky
clear one day and overcast the next
you are the earth
you pollute me with your torment
and your fits of rage

we cracked all of our eggshells
we looked at each other
and we didn’t feel

he is kindness and truth
he is the glow of the sun
through my blinds at 8 am
i bathe in his goodness
and weep at his mystery
he is new
a prized possession
a rarity, someone to cherish
to figure him out would be to
hide you from my mind
i have to box up your memories
and seal your touch with Scotch tape
moving on to a new person
into a new, inviting home
he is hope
he is not you

i spilled parts of myself all over you
and tried to wipe them up without a mop
there were traces of my love for you
left all over your skin
bruises of fingerprints
burns of soft, slow kisses
scratches of caressing you
the blueprint of my being
can be found on your body
impossible to hide for the next girl
it’s agony for you to see your reflection
and only see my face glossed over your eyes
i will rebuilt my house
i will lay a new foundation
so the only blueprint on you is one from a wrecked pile of lumber
there is pain in my presence
i am stuck on you like a ghost
whispering flirts to you
i follow you like a shadow
but you are too scared to look into the sun
too scared to face the truth
i am more than you
and all you know is the half of me

i listened to the sound of clocks
i watched the windows
the doors
the time
waiting
you would show up from
God knows where
with
God knows who
i was hopeful though
hoping you wouldn’t be angry
hoping we would be normal
killing myself
every
single
day
was agonizing
by the time you finally came around
there was nothing here
left for you to take from me

sculpt me with your hands
your hands on my skin
your fingers in my hair
your knuckles caressing my cheek
build me with your words
your words are symphonies
your words make me whole
paint me with your kiss
your kiss covering my body
your kiss sending pleasure down my spine
draw me with your love
your love making me whole
your love moving my world
you are the artist
and I will be your masterpiece