I found you today.
It took a lot of searching but I finally found you.
A clever one you are,
Hiding like that.
But don't you worry,
I'll leave you alone this time.
I won't message you or "follow" you or even "like" your poems.
I'll just sit in the background and cry,
Reading your poems over and over.
Because everything you write to him are things you've said to me.
Things that almost make me think you're talking to me.
Until you mention him, not by name, but by description.
I just laugh to myself,
Just thinking back on everything.
I laugh because I believed you.
I laugh because I never deserved you.
I laugh because I ran out of tears to cry.

Hey.
How have you been?
It's been forever since we've talked,
But not due to a lack of me trying.
I bet he told you not to talk to me.
I bet your mom told you to stay away.
Am I really that bad of a person?

I miss our talks.
I wonder how you're doing.
I long for the only person who ever understood me,
Even more than I understood myself.

And since you refuse to acknowledge my existence,
I'm stuck writing to a screen,
Writing meaningless words to nothing,
Words you will never hear or see,
Words that nobody else understands,
Just words...

All day, every day
Living like I'm free.
Everybody's wondering who I be. Cause
X** marks the spot where my heart belongs
And that's the reason why I write my stupid poems.
Now don't get me wrong, some
Days are easy, but some days are hard;
Returning to the thoughts of us
And when my heart was shattered into shards.

Feeling down, I wonder,
And then I fiure out,
I'm better off without you, cause our
Time was running out. So
Here I lay un my bed, satisfied with life.

Claiming that I've moved on,
Understanding that's what's best, but
Nobody can ever fill your place,
Nobody could make such a mess.
I trusted you, I needed you, but
No longer were you mine. Other
Guys had caught your eye and
Have them you must.
And I'll tell you your biggest
Mistake, trading my love for their lust.

Can you just give me a sign?
Just a little one,
Just so I know you're still out there somewhere.
And that maybe you still care.

Too perfect is something that I didn't think was possible.
But sometimes, somebody is too perfect for you.
They are so right for you that they are actually bad for you.
It doesn't really make sense, but does anything?

Water, water, every where, but not a drop to drink.
More like
People, people every where, but not a soul to care.

-Out of dust we were made, and to dust we will one day return.-

You were the rock on which I stood,
The only thing I was sure of in life.
Weathered by the wind and rain,
Beat down through trials.

The rock that was my foundation
Became the sand on which the fool built his house.

As an alcoholic keeps coming back for more,
Despite the consequences,
I shall forever return to you.

To all things we must return,
And to return to you,
Is what I must do.

You know what irritates me the most?
The fact that you won't talk to me,
But you won't leave either.
You stay there in front of me,
Always waiting around the next corner,
Always leaving a trail where you know I'll see it.
But anytime I try to talk to you,
You just pretend I don't exist.
Can you just choose one side or the other?
Either talk to me or get out of my way.

I loved you with everything I had.
Now, I can never love another,
Because there is nothing of me left to give.

I just want you to be okay. No more pain.

I hate life.
I hate music.
I hate movies and flowers and fun.
I hate sleeping.
I hate being awake.
I hate everything, except the one who caused me to feel this way.
How can you hate the one you love?
Even when they are the one who broke you.
You want me to hate you but instead I just hate everything else,
Because everything reminds me of you

I am but a shadow, ignored by all.
I am merely a cloud, going wherever the wind takes me.
I am nothing more than a leaf, no more special than anyone else.

I'm a loner.
I'm a drifter.
I'm the same as you,
And you are the same as me.

Do you ever think about me?
Or am I forgotten?

I stay up late at night,
Lying in bed,
Writing poems in my mind while I fall asleep.
I write poems for you.
Poems you'll never see
Because I never remember them by the time I wake up.

You don't know what it's like to be in love.
You know what attraction is.
You know what lust is.
You even know what love is.
But you don't know what it's like to be in love.

You loved me,
But I was in love with you.

Do you hate me as much as I hate myself?

Why did this happen to me?
What did I do to deserve this?
Where did I go wrong?
Is this what happens when you love too much?
Is this the "benefit" of giving your heart to someone else?


Life isn't fair.

I Love You.
Three simple words.
People use them all the time.
But for me, they are rare.
I Love You.
Never did I mean it more than when spoken to you.
And when I said forever, well sorry to say but I meant it.
I Love You.
Words you repeated back to me.
Words I believed with all of my heart.
I Love You More.
Something you told me all the time.
Something I think you believed, although it wasn't true.
I Love You.
Even though you broke my heart and left me for dead.
After everything you've done that hurts so much.
I Love You.
Loomple <3

And just when I thought everything was all better,
You started appearing in my life again.

Its a good thing I found the pieces to my shell.
You know, that thing you broke me out of?
Well I put it back on, and its a good thing too.
If it wasn't for my shell, everyone would know how much I still miss you.

I'm falling apart on the inside,
But my precious shell holds everything together.
I cry myself to sleep,
But my precious shell hides the tears.
I go through the days in a haze,
But my precious shell is painted with a smile, so nobody knows.

Thank you my precious little shell,
You're all I have left.

I do not know why
Regardless of what I do
I'm not enough for you

Trying to put me back together would be like:

Trying to do a million piece puzzle,
Without half of the pieces.

Trying to solve a  Rubik's cube,
While blindfolded,
With your feet,
With shoes on,
Under water,
Without an air supply.

Trying to put a broken plate back together,
When all of the pieces have turned to powder.

Trying to bring my body back to life,
After its been cremated,
And the ashes spread in the wind.

Trying to flip a "heads",
While rolling dice.

Trying to put me back together is useless.

You would have better luck:
Splitting an atom with your bare hands,
Stopping world hunger with a single pea,
Surviving in outer space without oxygen,
Running to Mars and back on foot.

I'm un-fixable ever since you took all of my love,
And left me for dead.

I wish I could, but I can't.
It would only make things worse.
So I just have to wait,
Hoping you do it instead.

I've finally collected the pieces of my shell.
You know that thing that you broke me out of?
You worked so hard to get my out of it.
And now, I've collected the pieces and glued them back together.
There might be a few cracks left in the shell,
But I'm pretty much back to my old self now.
I'm a brick without feelings, just how its supposed to be.

Our lives have been like a chess game.
You took the first move and started off aggressively.
I played the more layed back approach to study my opponent.
I got caught up in my own game and you swooped in and stool my queen.
My pawn is racing toward the other end of the board, hoping to bring her back.
Will I be able to take out your king?

Your mom whispers in your ear to beware and watch out for me, but she hasnt liked me since the moment I captured your knight.
Now I have you in check.
It's your move, will you keep playing or do you give up now?

17hrs left. Lets see how much I can sleep away.
Cool. 7 more hours.
5 left. What shall I do?
3 hours. This is taking forever.
1 hour.
45 minutes. I'm getting nervous.
30 minutes.
15.
10. Here it comes.
Its almost here. Will I survive?

You txted me out of the blue.
I don't know where it came from.
And at the time,
I didn't care.
But now I wonder,
What was the reason that brought about this action?
Why o you only seem to want to talk to me when you need something?
Am I here only for your use?
I told you I will always do anything to help,
And I will.
But why don't you try sticking around this time,
After things get better.

Everyone says the if a girl runs away that it's because she wants to be followed. She wants to see what a person will go through to be with her.
Well that isn't always true. I tried following the girl that ran away. She just ran even farther. Sometimes, when a girl runs away, it's into another man's arms, and she doesn't want followed.

Why do I still love you?
Why can't I just forget you and move on with my life?
I know I will actually be happy when I move on,
So what's holding me back?

I never really understood depression until recently.
I always thought people where just babied when they were young,
Or they just cared too much about the subject,
Or they just didn't know the joy of knowing Jesus.

I would tell them to be happy.
I would list all kinds of reasons,
Like how lucky they were for this or that and so much more.

But now I understand.
My heart has been shattered and I know depression.
I know what it feels like to not be able to eat or sleep.
I know that nobody can say or do anything to help,
Except maybe the one you love.
Sometimes.

I know what its like to have a great family and friends,
But nobody to talk to.
I know what its like to be a priviledged individual,
But still feel empty.
I know what its like to have everything I need, plus more,
But it still isn't enough.

I finally understand what its like to be depressed and suicidal.
And it *****.
My heart goes out to everyone in the same position.
And I hope we can all get out of this whole.

And for those who don't understand depression,
Just know that its not your fault we can't be helped,
Because nothing helps.

We might seem ok,
Because that's the show that we put on everyday
So others won't know.

We just need you to be there for us.
Not to do anything except be there.

I should be happy for today.
I mean its Christmas Eve.
But how can I be happy?
Its been a month today,
And its been the worst month of my life.
Not only that, but you'll be spending "the most wonderful time of the year" with him instead of me.
I'm dying inside, but nobody will ever know.
All they will ever see is the face I've painted on the outside of my shell.

I think you might have actually believed you loved me.

You may still be alive,
But you're dead to me.

I'm over you.
But I want you.
But I really don't.
But I actually kinda do.
But I can live without you.
But do I want to?

I just do see how I can do it.
But I will try my best.
I will do what I can to make it work.
And if I fail, I won't be any worse off than I am now.

That was harder than expected.
Why does it have to be this hard?
Shouldn't I be able to move on?
But I don't want to and I can't.
***** to be me.

This is for you.
I don't know if you'll ever read it,
But I can hope, can't I?

After you left me,
You know how you told me that talking to me tore you up?
I finally figured out why.
It wasn't me that was tearing you up,
But the shards of my heart.
You shattered my heart,
And any time you come around me,
You are gonna get cut by the shards that haven't been picked up.
How can I pick them up myself?
Nobody else is here to help pick them up either,
So you, nor anybody else, will ever be able to get close to me again.

Everything that happened between us just seems like a dream now.
And that's okay.
Because I've had plenty of amazing dreams during my last,
And in the end they were just dreams.
So if I can convince myself you were really just a dream,
Then maybe I'll be able to move on.
And maybe it's better that way.

Love cant even describe my feelings for you.
Other than you, I have no one.
Obviously I don't even have you now.
Maybe I should give up, stop hoping that you just might come back.
Perhaps I would be happier if I could just move on.
Love keeps me here though, waiting for something that will never happen
Even though you've put me through this, I still Loomple you <3

You seem to have stopped writing your poems.
Why is that?
You used to write all the time.

As far as I know people write out of emotions, mainly painful ones.
So I guess its good that you don't write?

But you liked to write when you were happy too.
Are you no longer happy?

I wish you wouldn't have stopped writing my dear.
That't the only connection I have to you.
And I need to hear from you,
Even if you aren't even talking to me.
I just need to hear your voice.
Even just seeing something you wrote is enough to make my day.

I wish I could walk away.
But I can't, because I still love you.

I wish I could say that I'm ok ...
And actually mean it.

I wish I could hate you for what you did to me.
Because I feel like it would make things easier.

I wish I would have stayed in my bubble, not letting you pry me out.
Then my shell would have protected my fragile heart.

I wish I cold have all of those days back.
All that wasted time, just for a shattered heart.

I wish I would have never learned what love is.
Because then I wouldn't have to live knowing what I'm missing out on.

Was it the challenge that you were after?
You just wanted me because nobody else has ever had me?
I was unbreakable, nobody could get to me.
You just wanted what you couldn't have.
And after some time, when you realized you had finally truly gotten me,
You left, because the thrill of the chase was gone.
So you moved on to a new challenge.

Was it the lust?
I don't see how it could be, I'm not an attractive person.
But it seems that the times you miss most are the times that we were together for lust, not love.
And when my lust finally turned to love, you left.
When we no longer fooled around, you got bored of me.

Was it to brag?
Did you just want me so that you could say you were dating a senior, a track star, a guy that everyone liked?
But when you realized that I wasn't as amazing as you thought, you were disappointed and bored, so you left.

I've run every possibility through my mind, and they all make sense except for one little detail:
You say you still love me.
So either you are lying to me and making sure that you break my heart beyond repair,
Or you are confused.
Because if you love me, you wouldn't love him too.

I used to hate poetry, but I learned to love it.
I learned to love it because you did.
You expressed yourself and I loved what you would write.
But now poems are all I have left.
I don't have anything to bring me joy.
So I find myself writing more and more everyday.
Just hoping that you might someday stumble across them
And realize how much I love you.
So I will hold on.
I will hold onto my love for you,
My hope that you just might come back,
And last of all, to poetry.

I miss you Alex