I've been to all ends of the earth looking for you but you are not direction
I searched the sky for you but you are not a constellation
I looked to the sea but you are not the waves
When I searched the trees I was disappointed by your absence but you are not a bird
I looked under the ground but you are not the roots of the pines
I dissected every line I ever wrote but you are not a collection of words
When I listened to the wind I couldn't help myself and I tried to hear you but you are not a whisper
Screaming in caves creates company but you are not an echo
I gathered a crew and set sail in treacherous weather but you are not a lighthouse
I've heard the floor boards squeak and the walls moan but you are not a house
This car has carried me for ninety five thousand miles but you are not the highway
I climbed to the tops of mountains but you are not a feeling of victory
With thoughts of warmth I struck a match and lit the woods on fire but you are not heat
I stood alone in the night watching the snow fall but you are not the cold
Hundreds of hours spent in the ICU have proven I am sick but you are not the antidote
I melted thousands of renown paintings but you are not inspiration
Millions of scientific advances have been torn apart but you are not understanding
I've searched the words of prophets philosophers and teachers but you are not wisdom
They drew blood from my veins but you are not life
A psychic read my mind but you are not thought
I visited with inventors but you are not an idea
But the day she ripped my heart out of my chest I found you nestled inside safe and sound
And it dawned on me that you are my sunshine
*~W.C.

I discovered something today
In a place by the sea
Where you can hear the waves as they gently kiss the shore
I've been watching the two of them a long time
And I think she only ever leaves him
So she can come back and kiss him 'hello' again
It seems all good and well doesn't it
At first glance most things do
She looks so innocent the way she rushes to his arms
How she softly traces his lips with hers
And then they playfully struggle against each other
When she tries to run back out again
But what you don't see
Is that every time she leaves him
She takes a little piece that he can't replace
Its too small to be measured and you can't see the difference with your eyes
Over the course of time it will take its toll
Someday she will have carved a small hole in his chest
You see this is not just a game
This is how she will preserve her future
She needs a place to hide when the world gets cold
Somewhere she will feel safe and warm
Maybe she has to do this to him because she needs something that feels familiar
Not a strange alien sensation that she has never known before
What if she only runs into his arms to get used to being surrounded by him
Before moving into that empty cavity where his heart used to be
I wonder if she even knows what she is doing
*~W.C.

I spent the month of November living in the spine of a whale that washed up on shore
The only thing that kept me sane was the sound of the waves rolling across the beach
And only because it sounded like my fingers trailing across your bare skin or your lips against mine
I kept a fire burning just to stay warm
It laughed at me the whole time I sat across from it shivering
And it reminded me of how you would always laugh at me when I couldn’t keep myself from shaking
I hope your muscles are thinning out and the tremors haunt you now
There was an old lighthouse a few miles up the shore where I spent most of my time
I think the light at the top had a faulty connection somewhere
Because it flickered off and on at what seemed like irregular intervals
Truth is it reminded me of the way you used to smile at me
There must be a faulty connection somewhere among your synapses too
*~W.C.

This is heartbreak, this is that tugging you feel when you hear his name. This is anxiety, this is how you know how real "this" can be. This is the feeling of numbness, this is how you cope. This is how you welcome depression, this is how you never got to tell him you're sorry. This is how you want to crawl into bed and only come out when he says it's okay, that he's there. This is how you fake a smile, and tell everybody it's okay, that he's not feeling pain anymore, when you're still trying to believe it yourself. This is how you tell the voices in your head to shut up, this is how you ask the nurses, "why?"

This is how you teach yourself to let go, this is how you tell yourself he's okay. This is sadness trying to comfort you, telling you about how great of a person he was, but it's sadness, everything about it makes you feel worse. This is that ball of tightness you feel in your throat when your mom hugs you, this is you trying to be strong for everybody. These are your shaking hands holding his favorite shirt, this is the strength he taught you. This is the throbbing in your head, this is how you regret. This is how you tell yourself that's it's okay, this is how you convince yourself that he still loves you, this is how you convince yourself that people aren't so bad. This is how you don't want to look in the mirror, this is how you find the strength to get out of bed. This is how you forget how to sleep, this is how you remember was misery is. This is how you shut people out regardless of how unhealthy it is, this is how you look up to stretch your neck with your eyes closed and take a deep breath.

This is how you miss somebody.