TW.



I picked up a razor two nights ago,

thinking, would I find solace,
if it’s dragged across my skin?

My mind answered me instantly. 

No, I wouldn’t find solace.

A rip, a tear in skin, a patch of flesh will show

Pain, in the form of blood may flow

But all that will stop

Once I slap a plaster on it. 



Well, that was two nights ago. 


Today, I think about floating into the abyss of the sky

The moment I jump off this 30 story building that is my office. 

The wind would feel better than it has ever

But it will stop, in the form of a doubt

Right before I take off. 



How much longer can I go?
Everyday, the hole in my soul sinks a little deeper.

Every living moment feels like I’m being dragged through a bed of thorns

It hurts, and I don’t know why anymore

I just want to be sure

But I really can’t put a finger on it.

I'd try to begin with a "hello"
but "hello" could have me lose
something I've never had
for my own.

a fistful of what i want to say
but not even a pinch of courage

****, there's so much that you need to know
but my mind kept on screaming,
"a word comes out and you're going to regret life"

three days later
i come to see you, just to tell you
how much i've dreamt about you
but all i said was
"hey darling, how have you been?"

you said you've been good,
that's a good thing, right?
but tell me
what about the look on your face when i said i was going to leave
on that day?

what about the times i've said hey, cheer up
life doesn't end here and now, you know that right?
you smiled but that look
was as opaque as the clouds above

what about when i said i loved you for the first time?
you smiled like the first time you heard the singing voice of mine
but at the end of the day, that look
that look took over my mind for the rest of the night

the time when i first kissed your bruised hand
what about that time?
the same look was plastered on your beautiful face
and i thought
"****, this girl doesn't love me no more"

but nothing was mentioned
you never asked for a break
you never said you were tired
but that look
never left my mind.

and now it is back
i believe, for the last time
for once and for all
can you please explain
if and why
that look of yours
is going to be
a permanent residence in my mind?

y.m

grab a hold of my hands because i'm loosing my grip

This is a promise with a catch
Only if you're looking
can it find you
True love is searching too
But how can it recognize you
until you step out into the light
don't be sad, I know you will
but don't give up until
true love will find you in the end.

(d.j- true love will find you in the end)

my hands now tremble when i pick up the pen
because all i want to write about is the time i held your hand

my tongue is tied now when i speak of your name
because i all want to say is how much i miss you when we drove each other insane