I just want to lie here
but you signal a new day
I try to shut you out
in every possible way

I pull the covers above my head
I bury my face in the bed.
I clamp my eyes closed,
yet you make me sleep in throws.

I will not wake to a new day
as hopeless as the rest
I do not want to see the sunrise
please just let it set

I do not want to wake
just to see my hands shake
just to see my soul break
I have nothing of this day to make.

Please just let me lie here
as the sun streams in
Please just let me cry here
as the sun streams in

The third time today
it struck me
I ain't so naive.
A falling  feather
or
an autumn leaf
on a wuthering day
finding it's way,
sometimes carried away.
Soaring high
and  stooping
low  
in an act of let go.

was a costly equanimity
I scavenged from the wars...

a lifetime spent, inventing ways
to close revolving doors...

And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't

He kept his mother
in a sealed envelope,
waxed,
stored in the back
of his closet
like so many
old sweaters,
not worn but kept
for the memories.
I caught him once,
crying, kneeling
before her. He held
her ashes like
she once held him.
And through a gap
in his fingers
I could read
the ink that said:
    Date of death: 12/10/17
    Date of cremation: 12/12/17
    Store in a cool, dry place.