THANK YOU for...
the lessons
the heart break
the faith I had in you that became disappointment and loss
the waiting I did to receive one text
the happiness you gave me in the moment then briskly took it away
      for days
the hope you gave me for the future that you knew would never
     happen... but I thought it would
teaching me to be not so naive

because now I am beginning to love again and it would not be the same if you hadn't hurt me.

Thank you, sincerely,
     the one who could have been yours truly.

A breath of crisp spring air:
It was refreshing.

It was like letting go of all of your fears in a split second.
It was like feeling every pleasurable sensation imaginable.
Freeing.

Yes, I had that once.

No matter what happens, you always knew it would be okay.

...

But, now you're gone...
But, now there is the static noise in the background wherever I go...
But, now I breath the same air and I am just not the same.

...

I'd like to hope that there will be a time that I Love Again.

I don't know what I need.
I don't know what I want.
I have to just feel something.

It feels amazing to be with you.
Is it just me?

...

I feel the corner of the bed sharply bruise into my leg,
I feel the heat from the iron burn my grasp,
I feel the corner of the paper slice my finger,
I feel the laughter with my mother,
I feel the loss of a friend,
I feel the attraction between us,
but none of it means anything.

...

Maybe I am just afraid when I do feel something
(even knowing when it is two ways)
And maybe I want to feel something
all at the same time.

...from February to May 2018.

Lost, a blur, but unforgotten.

I gradually adjust to being with him instead of the other...

The other in which I embrace the memories of the feeling
   of belonging,
   of forever,
   of "I am happy.",
   of "This is it".
The other in which I embrace the memories of believing that
   he will be the only one who ever loves me,
   I will be nothing without him,
   I'll never be okay if I leave him,
   I don't deserve anything more.

The other in which for the past five years I looked at the reflection of US instead of the reflection of ME.

"Can someone stop time for me real quick?
Let me just catch up with what's going on.
Please."
We don't know when we really started talking.
Was it two or three months ago?

Either way,
He left a toothbrush at my apartment.
  He hates lettuce on his burger,
  I replace the bun on my burger with lettuce.
I cannot make decisions,
He aids me to.
  He listens,
  I listen.
He talks,
I talk.
  I smile,
  He smiles.

We drive where our hearts lead each other,
Winding up on a hill providing an introduction to every tree around;
it was something that neither of us have ever known.
So, we explore,
He finds the smallest of beauty: a white flower,
adding it to my hair,
I feel this deepness in my chest,
but decided to embarce it.
We moved a tree just to enjoy the view a little more
... to get one more little taste.

Will it ever last?
Will we ever be together?
Will anything ever truly last?