She wasn't the type of girl that took things lightly
When she felt, she felt with the intensity of a hurricane
When she loved, she loved deeply like the unexplored depths of the ocean
When she broke, she broke like a million glass houses shattered by a hailstorm
When she cried, she could drown the universe in her tears
And overtime she's numbed herself
To teach her heart how to stop feeling
And she would laugh and dance like she was a feather in the night sky
She would live as if she was the only one alive
But every beautiful sunset is followed by
A mask of opaque darkness--
And she couldn't see the stars
Because there was nothing to wish for
Until the morning sun rose
And she felt nothing but a bitter loneliness  
And perpetual emptiness

"I want to know you moved and breathed in the same world with me”

High tides, wash over the footprints, carries them deep into the abyss. I kissed the shoreline, waiting for the salty taste to wake me up, revive me.
Warm breezes, shuffle my hair, winds it up in knots. I brush it slowly, knowing the pain would soon be over, once the knots untie.
Blistering heat, burns my skin, turns me red from the inside out. I am filled with love, heartache, anger, and pain, I let it explode.

I watched the sand sift through my fingertips, unable to hold on, unable to keep my promises.
I watched the clouds drift mindlessly in the pale blue sky, no heart strings tied down, attached to each other.
I watched the people, move slowly, like small ants, no pain, only smiles.

My heavy sighs are my song to the sea, the waves are my home, they sway with me.
I notice how the rocks in the ocean wither, but my ability to love does not.
Unconditional— like the sun and moon’s straining love affair.

The world spins, I stay steady, quiet.
Gravity keeps me on the ground, but my mind is up in the clouds.
Or maybe it’s all a simple passing of time
I can’t tell anymore.
What is real, I am not sure.
All I can feel is your lingering smile,
Knowing it’s somewhere else, long gone.
All I can see are masses of people, moving, loving, breathing the same air as me.

Where are *you?

Overhead the stars glimmered and the moon rested and all I could feel was a soft embrace, carrying me in tune with the wind. There was nothing left to lose, except life itself. I felt the heavy weights glide off of my shoulders and onto the pale green meadow beside me. A sweet mellifluous hymn sounded in the near distance, in tune with the Sun's descend toward Earth's core. Leaves rustle, the water ripples, so much movement around me, but I lay still. The tranquility is intoxicating, I don't wish to leave. This is my grand finale, yet somehow I find the exit signs exhausting to follow. I wished I could listen once more to the sound "I love you" makes but it's been years since I've heard it. It's been years since I felt anything but numb. All this time my mind has kept me isolated and trapped-- unable to find a solace. I couldn't make a home out of a person because I did that once and I was never able to recover what I lost from myself inside of him. This peaceful meadow is my one true love, nature being the ultimate constant in my life. It is, has, always will be around. Trust the whispering trees and dance to the swan's song. This is the chorus of my life, this is the final chapter of my book, I am free, I am free, I am free.

You were the moon, the stars, and everything in between
But we fell apart like houses shattered by devastating hurricanes
And were trampled by the panic of tornadoes rumbling our hearts and cluttering our minds
But I swore I'd never see another sunrise
Without your hands occupied around my waist
Smiling with such certainty and elation
Sandcastle monuments glittered in the risen sun
And dancing waves met the shore infinitely
And that's how I envisioned our love-
Like the ocean's unfaltering meeting of the shore every time it breaks away
Like our lips and your cola residue
Dripping onto my tongue
I swore I tasted happiness when I kissed your smile
And I swore I felt alive when we jumped off of the edge of the Earth together
Free-falling into life's copious fortunes and misfortunes
I was lucky when I was with you
And now that the waves have swept you under the riptide we no longer meet
Forever was short, forever has ended
Separated by the fallacy of consistency and routine
I am embodied by bad luck in the form of face down pennies
And black cats circling my yard while lie outstretched on the ground, consumed by the dewy grass
Looking for you somewhere in the sky
The stars are my source of light
Since you no longer provide this commodity
I glance into the immense and mysterious abyss and beg for your voice
Like a foolish attempt to save the collection of memories and conversations and store them inside shooting stars
The salty floods rush to my eyes like devilish waterfalls
Sliding down my cheek with such ease
And every now and then ill look up at the moon
And see happiness resting inside the tiny sliver presented and I come to realize that
I may have just been a crescent in your sky
But you were my whole moon
(You promised always)

Wake up! You're dreaming!
Let incense fill the air
and infiltrate your nostrils, flowing to a composed set of lungs retreating from the scene

The anchor's overweight-
You stand no chance
In a ship with no sails, and a current so strong
The pirates on your tail overwhelm the anxiety brewing inside your soul

Stop the madness! A world with no thought-
Insanity pursues and seduces an open opportunity,
Setting chains around your wrists and ankles, locking you down

The bare white walls-
Immaculately maintained
A room filled with emptiness
And your ears consuming silence,
Which echos the panic to your slow-paced heart

Run away! You're dying-
Feel it's cold breath beating against the frail hairs on your neck
Invisible hands grasping for your throat, but your lips won't allow any words to espcape it
Paralytical agents readying your imminent fate

Whacking willows- an unfair fight
Feet that fail you and wings that disappear
No weapons of retalliation or even the speed of a jaguar for assistance
You're helpless, and alone
Abandonment strikes you in the heart as Death catches up

Scream! Call for help!
A lifeless corpse hovering above like a satanic ritual is ensuing
But a thin film of haze separates you from the rotting corpse
The knife, an inch away from your ski-***** nose,
And the pre-pain sets in before the action

Repetitive cycles of death and rebirth-
Exhausting the energy out of your once lively heart
Sinking to the depths of the sea
And buried in the ground of a vast and perplexing woodland-
You learn of your extremeist fear

Wake up!- You're dreaming!
An alarm set for 5 a.m beeps while your breath is caught in your lungs and your sweat forms like beads on your forehead
Anxiety, Insanity, Abandonment, and Fear are the leading actors in every dream you have

If only you weren't such a manic insomniac.

Another case of missing you
And all I have are empty pill bottles
And broken picture frames
Scattering my carpet

I've lost the will to suffer the poison of my mind
And the frailty of my heart
Loose-leaf love notes lay unwritten
Begging to be finished

The ache that writhes inside my chest is your absence
And the miracle of your voice
Faded daydreams fight through the nightmares
Yearning for sincerity in their actions

Inside misty lullabies are arising heart palpitations
And thoughts of "what could've been"
Ephemeral kisses mask my lips
Raging for redemption

Unaligned stars failed to hold us together
And seal our dearest fate
Trite misunderstandings hide my frowns
Beneath the surface of reality

Half-bitten apples like fragments of my heart disperse on the floor
And attract anxious ants
Hallow stomaches crave more than the necessity of nutrients
It requests psychological fulfillment

Swallowed confessions you continue to choke on
And repeating apologies
Distrusting anchors hold me back from the words I wish to say
Begging for love

An ocean, of salty tears
Drip onto the tastebuds that always adored you
And suddenly- nostalgic eyes are all I see
In the mirror

My darling,

Life didn't love me like you did-
Bringing flowers to my grave dressed in your Sunday best
Each night a new memory you'd share
As your teardrops flooded the grass above me
My skin may wither away but your feelings do not
And I'm sorry I left you a mess,
I was never all that tidy
My last words to you are sewn into your mind
And our last kiss's residue remains on your vacant lips
I'm sorry that I had to go, I never intended
For you to hurt this bad
Your diamond eyes and warming smile are the last things I saw
Before a blur of confusion took advantage of my fragile state
A formal goodbye was too hard
And I was a selfish *******
I'll shine the sun onto your deserving soul for as long as I remain alone up here
I can do so much more here than I ever could there
Know this-
You were the love of my short-lived life
But I need you to move on
Find a girl with roses blooming on her chest
And tulips sprouting in her irises
My grave will deteriorate
But you will not
Let me go

-anonymous

The river told tales in an indecipherable tongue
Consisting of broken sticks and faulty logs
The ability to perceive and interpret hides in the ominous jungles outlining the river
Clangorous sounds fill the night with despondency
Though the current drags on
Keeping it's promise
A dense heat swells over the atmosphere as you struggle to find a clear breath
And the key to happiness?
It wasn't discovered underneath the doormat  nor was it found at the depths of the river
It flows consistently to the beat of your heart
Encompassing every thought you ever wished to withhold
But a secret lingers in the undulations of the current-
Dragging and taunting, the fear of the unknown
Shelter and boats are out of sight and mind
But the struggle to hold on is never as arduous as it is now
Branch by branch the crackling disrupts the birds rest
And the fish swim along knowingly accepting the ambiguity of life's greatest question
Frustration piles with the rocks in the sand nearby
Alluding Him to believe you're unworthy of whatever the river carries
But it takes time to learn a language
And it takes time to forget one
For so long you've spoken through negative imagery like the
Sullen stars begging for love
And the morose journey to the fatal waterfall
How can one possibly switch to the language of the river!
Soft and slow, serene and tranquil
Yet as loud and bursting with vivacity as ever
Kaleidoscope visions summoned it here, through the power of hope
The kind of substance that lifts the heavy burdens away from aching shoulders
The river never laughs nor does it cry
Respect is mutual and the blossoming flowers agree
That an indifferent tone is all that's needed to put faith inside a belief
The incoherent sentence fragments the current whispers regarding the key to happiness
Can only be interpreted through an individual's own mind
Energetic yellow suns consume the vacant blackness of the night sky
Optic white clouds devour the essence of cobalt blue skies in the frigid environment
Indifference and a sense of direction is all it takes
To decipher the rivers message-
And it always keeps it's promises

Risen sensibility when it came to living life
Wiry tendencies to fall before a savior appears in the split second of your head coinciding with the concrete to catch you
You live too fast, you cannot die

A case of immortality floating through the blue and black veins pumping blood to your weary heart
Turbulent tremors beat the pallor right out of your personality
Trying to turn back time and see who's fault lies within the deficiencies of your relationship

Could it have been the haughty reactions to every novel he wept at?
Though inside he was deeply troubled by death and it's casualties in his life?
Could it have been the musk that owned his scent, one you used to crave but now repulsed?

Pine needles spiked within your perfume drove him off the cliff
And mood-congruent memory proves it's theories
You are gravely broken inside your chest
All you feel is anger for the boy that clipped the wings off of the butterflies that carried you
And replaced them with ****** tears sewn together with cheating and dishonesty

Irritable noises clamor inside your ears
Reverberating throughout your whole body
Shaking, like an earthquake, involuntary
Clangorous echoing of negativity  is constant
Unshakable, ineffable, suffocating

Your disheartened recollections resonating with your adverse quality of letting go
Could it be, a silly girl like you fell for a manic depressive like him?
Or did the silly boy fall for the manic depressive girl?

Mood-congruent memory, flowing back in streams of discontent and remorse
Ambiguous reasonings and faulty evidence collide with your incoming tears
He was not, the problem
(You were)

The sun cheerfully rises every morning
As does my hope
Coffee flavored with a hint of ambition spiked in the liquid caramel drizzle
The curtains are drawn back
Just like my despair
Hidden beneath all of my "to-do's" and "do-later's"
A cluttered mess I hope to never sift through
Three missed called from an old enemy Depression and I'm too busy to ever call back
I crave my quotidian omelet like I crave a fulfilled life
Inside, surprises delight my enchanted taste buds
And my appetite for being alive is heightened with the spices electrifying their energetic flavors
Caffeine sparking my newfound devotion to activity and business to leave no room in my schedule for sadness

But as the sun sets every evening
My hope and beliefs are suddenly invisible in the vacantly somber sky
The stars shine like my thoughts
Ricocheting ideas in the back of my mind
Inching their way forward like the caterpillar in the cage
As the darkness sets in, my eyes adjust in a timely matter
A form of classical conditioning I picked up on early in my life
My irises only responding to the anchors holding me down
I vent to the moon all night about my confusion and unhappiness
And it laughs at my tears, begging for me to "wait and see" when the sun comes up
But I hone in on the negativity surrounding me like the pictures of him and the music of the crooks in the night
We aren't all bad people for feeling this way
To choose a side is to choose night or day
To choose a connotation for my life
My autonomic response is negative

Night and day are merely metaphors for life
And every aspect I experience on a daily basis
It's enough insanity to drive my car off the cliff at night
Only to rise to the top and reverse it all in the morning
Waiting around to make your own sunshine in the world of darkness is complex and seemingly impossible
To fall to an impasse or to rise against?
Ask me in the afternoon how I feel
And I may end up letting you know
I am a night owl
No matter how hard it hurts me

At 4 in the morning you hear nothing but the soothing music playing softly from your speakers
At 4 in the morning you see nothing but the calm undulations of your brain waves running over your eyelids
At 4 in the morning you taste nothing but the lingering mint essence of your toothpaste in the back of your mouth
At 4 in the morning you smell nothing but the    soft linen detergent from your favorite purple pillowcase
At 4 in the morning you touch nothing but the fuzzy brown teddy bear you got on your 4th birthday
At 4 in the morning he snuck in while your consciousness was altered by your sleep
He crept up the stairs and peaked into your room
Your face morphed into a pale shade of blue and a worrisome look crossed his face
He stroked your cheek as you regained your breath
He took it from you
He politely sifted through your things and turned to glance at you with those icy blue eyes
You clutched your heart and a crestfallen look usurped his smile
He rested his hand upon yours as you calmed down, right on top of your heart
He stole it from you
He sat down beside you and closed his eyes
You started to toss and turn, grabbing at your hair and a perplexed look furrowed his brow
He leaned towards you and kissed your forehead as you finally lay still with peaceful thoughts
He invaded every single one
At 7 in the morning you hear nothing but his voice whispering inside your ear "I love you"
At 7 in the morning you see nothing but the elated smile and exaggerated dimples resting on his face
At 7 in the morning you taste nothing but the flavor of his lips locked inside yours
At 7 in the morning you smell nothing but the       lingering scent of the cologne he fell asleep in
At 7 in the morning you touch nothing but the warmth of his skin as he wraps his arms around you
He may be a thief when you aren't paying attention
But he is the love of your life, at all hours of the day

the rain sank the goodness into the ground,
an attempt to better the world with aesthetics replacing the dangerous cracks in the sidewalk
the mud encapsulates my deepest fear
my feet, cemented inside, like quicksand I'm sinking
Chances of surviving are a million to one
as i scan my brain for a trace of impending chances
but i will never see the sun set on the east side
and the birds won't sing when the frigid rain is biting their tongues and feeding on their despair
to live a life in despondancy, or to rise above the rut i am sinking in
the mud never lets it's victims leave, no redemption, no second chances
the clock strikes "over" and a thought about the future is not allowed to cross my mind, for the bridge has closed
and the boats sank under the water
i would run down the sidewalk forever, searching for a purpose
but im stuck
i am motionless while the rest of the city passes by me
invisibility brushes my hair and clothes my skin
ever since i fell victim to Despair and it's awful side effects
I held the future on a string, but as i dangled it above the balcony 10 stories high
what more could i expect than to lose it within the countless busy footprints of those who walk with both feet on the ground
Mine will be irrevocably stuck onto the pavement while i watch everyone else take off with their wings attached
and their smiles plastered on their faces

The air is as thick as the curls of your hair
The drink is as stale as the mid-winter air
The mistress and the man ascend up the stairs
The rest of them, so lifeless, so full of despair

Cluttered inside the corners of your mind
Trails of your self-medication are all you could find
Alcohol poisoning the natural opiates left behind
The rest of it, so scarce, so blurred, so blind

You tap your fingers to the tune of the song
You lift your drink up and back down where it belongs
Not another sip, the inevitable you mustn't prolong  
Drinking away your problems only works for so long

Another sad stare from the bartender that tends to wink
Another empty glass to clatter on the table when you finally drink
Six more years of crawling into debt with the inability to think
Drowsy eyes, bloodshot, still dry when you blink

Stagnant dreams rest under your pillow at night
While dizzy spells depress your enthusiasm as it ignites
The life you live is a life lived in spite
Regrets hanging on the curtain of your shower, revenge leaking from every reaction site

Three more weeks and it'll be over soon enough
Take the pills with a glass of whiskey and call your own bluff
You'll rest beside him and all of his stuff
Douse it in alcohol, light a match, you are tough

Things that go bump in the night like the roar of the raging lion deafening your arcadian silence
Like the face of a wolf chasing you in your dreams, claws out, jagged teeth already sharpened, salivating at the scent of your fear
And the sudden crash of the lamp on the ground because your clumsy thoughts blew it off the stand in a rush of puzzling ideas and jigsaw hearts overflowing your mind

The fishnets sloshing the seas through the holes, piecing together lost trails of a failed relationship, letting the salty essence linger behind, drifting to the saliva glands inside your mouth
And suddenly you're shot up with a narcotic, straight into the veins where he used to live, vacating the premise, making room for a sense of euphoria that consumed me as a whole

A treacherous path ending with a unceasing fall off a cliff where the rocks slipped too often, and lessons were never learned from the kids next door
Cracking floorboards circumference the room where they used to talk in circles, collecting feelings and saving them inside the pockets that somehow found holes in themselves

Then the wind emulates the whispers hiding behind the fading foliage of the trees that secured everyone's trust and captivated their souls deep within
Violent kisses used to tear my skin apart until a gun to the back of my head held more depth than I've ever experienced in my whole life

I searched the sand for the purpose I wished to hold in the palm of my hands but it sifts right through the solid foundation of my finger tips that rot with poison ivy
Ever since I felt the tree that infected me with  the venom in the form of sharp bristles and empty sap sacks

Whatever the blue sky may represent, I see dark clouds forever and a day, even when the sun returns my calls, and with a bitter tone and a touch of sizzling rain, offers me a chance to see the bright side they all dream of
When the opaque sky eats the sun I find solace in home, where the stars collect my secrets like coins and hold my wishes like the hand of a boy I thought I once loved

I morph into the worst version of myself when the screams encapsulate my emotions and my face is no longer skin and bone, but vicious fangs and yellow eyes
So what, if I differ from the rest of the pack
A lone wolf or a raging lion, I am not them
And I never will be

Until the rings awaken me as my eyes flicker back to their hazel nature
And the bags roll beneath my eyes, with a darkened presence treading under
And the sun returns for the day, a gift I cannot return
And I walk down the same road, leaving the covers rumpled and the sheets entangled with one another

The mess correlates to my dreams
And all of the hearty burdens I continue to bestow inside the treasure chest deep under the ground
I shall keep these somber ideas and thoughts at the top of the bookshelf, a place you'll never look, a place you'll never find
Just smile and fake it until you believe in it's proximity to the truth

Tiny embers escaped the crackling fire and latched onto your pale skin
And when you felt the warmth you expressed immense gratitude towards the fire itself, though it were the embers hard work creating the fire
Despite the lack of appreciation they continued to burn up to you and provide the same connotation

Pastoral sunsets descended over the Hudson River, reflecting a palette of vibrant colors along the ripples in the water
And when you recognized the beauty of the picturesque scenery, you praised New York City as if it copyrighted the sunset itself
Although you disregarded Mother Nature's creation that spreads worldwide, the sunset stayed out a moment longer to say goodbye

Crashing salty waves echo inside your eardrums, peacefully sending you into a deep sleep
And as you fell asleep with such ease, you showed appreciation of the refreshment you felt wash over you as a slumber awaited, though it was the recurring sounds that sent you there and not the images inside your head
And aside from the depreciation the waves feel, they continue to undulate eternally, just to help a sleepless soul in need

Why is it, that you disregard the true giver of your happiness and show love elsewhere?

Broken glass pinches the skin on the underside of your toe and blood is drawn as the sting induces pain
And once the painful sensations begin, you curse the shards of glass and claim them to be the bane of your existence instead of blaming the drunken incompetent who dropped his bottle on the hardwood floor
But in a tiny squeak of movement, the broken glass apologizes but you fail to tune your ears in to the "sorry's" from the things that you hate most

A dead-end book confuses your brain that requires finite details, and anger rises up to your fiery eyes as you throw the book across the room, praying it'll burn to ashes
You failed to realize it is not the book's fault, it is the author who wrote it, but you relentlessly blame the pages and the ink, despite their endeavors in providing you with entertainment and adventure

Scorching steams held in the air above your coffee mug, you burn your tongue with the taste
smashing the mug to the ground is your idea of revenge against the execrable caffeine drink itself for being too hot
You did not choose to place the blame on yourself, for you boiled the coffee and saw the steams before you took the first sip
Although it's now splattered across the floor, the steams still wish to provide a delightful scent of hazelnut to calm the nerves that are frantic in your temples

Why is it, that you disregard the true cause of pain by blaming the non-blameworthy?

(It seems as if you cannot take responsibility for your own actions when things run amuck, but when things are delightful, you thank everything but the real reason for it's loveliness?

Is that why every detail of our love was never noticed by you, as you only loved what I could do for you?
Is that why my new perfumes never made a new impression, but you always blamed my beauty on the dress that hung over my lifeless body?
Is that why when I broke your heart you blamed me for everything that went wrong, failing to acknowledge your complexities and flaws?
Is that why a call is never returned and words are not exchanged because you poured out every negative aspect of our relationship as being my faults and deemed them the downfall of our love?
Is that why I am never enough and would never be enough for anyone?

Is it?

I.  
A rumble of a failing engine and an abandoned heart does not always make for the best mixed drink you’d typically order at the bar
The gasoline fumes rising towards my nostrils, the taste replicated on the taste buds, not exactly the main course you’d hope to appear on the main entrée menu
The shrinking world swallows my perception, and all I can see are endless forests with an unending road, not exactly the picturesque view you’d pick from the 5-star hotel you presumed to stay in comfortably

II.
Recurring whiplash carries me deep within the foliage of the woods, where the bristles from the furious trees feel like spikes brushing across my fragile skin
My thoughts are encompassed by my wildest fears, intensifying the pitter patter in my chest, nearing a detonation, but no witnesses to confirm or deny it
The limbs outstretch themselves and enfold me inside a hallowing clasp, resemblance of an agonizing chokehold
The fires begin slowly, but hurriedly strengthen into a sore, sweltering sensation that hastily seizes control over my nervous system, rendering me helpless with no one to soothe me from it, for isolation is the true affliction of it all

III.
And suddenly I am traveling through a dark neighborhood, the ones we were all warned about as adolescents, as the lamp posts house stood-up lovers and lost souls who are trying to catch a fresh thought aside from the filthy repetition we are provided with
The light bulbs flicker and the yellow paint dividing the two paths incases my thoughts, stimulating every sensory input to intake the detection of safety between the two opposite directions, because once a path is chosen, returning is forbidden
This social deprivation surely beholds my salient inner pain, as I cannot confide in anyone on this lonely road except for the shining Milky Way and smiling crescent moon, eons away from my reach

IV.
Foaming salt water crashes over me, encumbering my lungs from performing their simple task successfully, caught in a riptide sensing my discomfort with reality and self-hatred brought upon by the overriding waves that deteriorate my sanguinity
I cannot control anything in my life and the sea acknowledges this weakness, What a real favor it is! Killing me, for me, subduing the airflow right out of me but also purifying my corrupted being, freeing my aggressions, letting go of faulty hearts, and ensuring arcadia by ripping away a future I could not survive in
The sunken sailors in their sinking ships do not drown by choice, like I, but they may not be as grateful for the gift of release as I am
I realize I may have a shot at social encounters, until I gather that the glass wall that separates me from the world is unbreakable, and the water pressure is much too great to fight through, so I must die alone

V.
As my vision fades to black, I am awakened once again, stranded on this Earth, this place where life exists but living does not
And I feel like ever since the door slammed shut as I collapsed in cascading tears on the floor in your favorite white button down, I’ve been a bit lonesome and defunct, my mood has a constant sullen adjective attached to it
Adventure and spontaneity meant everything to you, and I took on the same attitude, breaking out of my comfort zone and implementing yours instead
What once was now lingers as a painful memory and acts as a narcotic because I am experiencing a difficult withdrawal of your voice, and I cannot last much longer before the insanity devours me from the inside out

VI.
As the hourglass passed all of the time, your personality withered as each interest you held dear to your heat contracted into an abhorrent piece of art, dedicated to miserableness
And as your presence no longer fills up my time, maybe I too am disappearing, or so I wish
Because losing you to yourself felt like being stranded in the middle of nowhere with an unceasing life of despondency and unanswered questions
It felt like being burned alive to ashes from a forest fire, so deep in that not a single person would notice its evanescence
And worst of all it felt like drowning, as my control slipped away from the tight grip I once had, like nobody could resuscitate me from
I play over every doting moment with you over in my head as my mind slowly fades to darkness, a blank state of depression

VII.
So tell me from the heavens once more that I do not need you, because you see what I am experiencing in your absence
Maybe I need you as a constant in my life and not a fleeting breeze in the persistently bipolar wind movements
But you bolted the moment the poisoned fog touched your fingertips and your fear took you away from me
So how can I possibly hold on, when I am clearly alone and depressed?
I know death is merciful compared to losing my one true love
Tell me you’re listening, I need someone to talk to
I cannot leave all these words left unspoken

Honesty in the form of words protruding my fragile exterior
And extricating the hallow mess that billows inside my vacant heart
For you have left me a laundry list of qualities I must posses to remain at the stature you so strongly desire

(Your lies were always intricately organized like the way I kept my research on you, in order from most bizarre to truthfully lethal.)

Terror in the form of agonizing nightmares ascending my insomniac eyes from their time-constrained serenity  
And turning them a sort of ashen coal that paralyzes the screams on the surface of my throat
For you have torn my faith to shreds and sent the monsters to vacate my dreams

(I can't **** the monsters, they roam through my head and I know you sent them there after every disturbance of physical hurt you inflicted upon me.)

Hostility in the form of dying flowers resting upon the wight heater near my hospital bed
And the tight squeeze of my hand you held until it bled all my secrets
For you have bled me dry with the scrutiny and expectations you believed I would so gracefully uphold  

(Darling you might as well have given me the razor blades for dinner and the bottle of pills for desert because my hospital sojourns were just another result of your poor care-taking skills.)

Satisfaction in the form of the door slamming shut while my heart freezes up
And dilutes the excuses from overbearing my forgiving nature
For you have stomped your hefty footprints on my eternally broken heart, an impending death on arrival to your house

(Your excuses were overflowing my glass of tolerance and I just couldn't take it anymore so I threw you out of my life and crossed your destination off of the map I held so close to my heart, farewell my devilish heartbreak.)

Farewell

I stare into the picture frame of life one year ago and I cannot see any truth in what once was, and what now is. The contents of the frame perpetually baffle me as I sense his frozen eyes seeping into my skin and devouring my soul. The naivety I once possessed is long gone along with the nightly tears and daily concerns. All I can think about is my last words to him, "Good. Get some sleep." Is that what people call closure? His heart no longer lingers inside mine, but it does haunt me every now and then. My scarce amount of trust was dumped into his intangible arms without a second thought. Many would find discontent in my scuffling around the past when all is already said and done, but I cannot help my mind from wandering off to the promises he made, the pain I endured, and the lessons I never learned. Trust, became distrust with him. Yet I always made excuses for his inexcusable behavior, and the words he daggered me with. I'm slowly recollecting all of the mistakes I made in falling in love with an disembodied, pain-stricken young man who could only be there in spirit. It was almost as if I loved a ghost. And what exactly brings me to recount every lost promise and every fallen out wish? His ubiquitous presence in my thoughts, the anger he provokes in my emotions. He's still hurting me and he isn't even here to see it, or care. He's moved on to his next victim, most likely telling her everything he told me and the girl before me. He does not tend to vary in his confessions of love. He'll stay on the phone with her all night and tell her that she's the most beautiful, amazing, best girlfriend ever. He will tell her that he cannot live without her, for she is the star in his black sky (yes he told me that). When will they learn that distance is the greatest weakness, not strength? When will he learn to leave the girls alone and be alone as he deserves to be? So stubborn he was. I am not sure what exactly I am searching for with this. Maybe I can't accept the "closure" I thought I had. I do not care what he is doing now, though I feel most of it is out of spite for me leaving him. One million questions lay beside me at night, cramming my brain with endless possibilities, but no concrete answers to ever satisfy my seemingly fixated mind. I am not bitter, nor am I jealous. I do not miss him and I do not miss us. As I stare into the picture frame of one year ago, I'm remorsefully regretted by the decisions I made with him. I will never obtain the answers I desire, but as the tears envelop my cheeks, I wish for all of the memories to flake off of the scrapbook and into oblivion, as if they never existed.

I know you're feeling quite hollow like a shell, housing nothing but empty promises and worn out cliches
Your mind is blown when you find yourself freezing to death on top of a white horse drawn carriage
Your insides quivering with rejection, self esteem collapsing in minutes
You recited the same fairy tale for each lover, exact same words, exact same gestures
Only to have your perfectly planned out routine crumble to pieces before your eyes
A girl, looking nothing like a princess, sees through the arrogance you deflect into the air around you
She's shattering the glass slippers you surplus in your closet
And shredding the red roses you grow in your enchanted garden
She's poisoning an apple to eradicate your self worth and bring you back down to earth
Prince Charming is fictional and you my dear
Are irrelevant

Timing always had a predilection towards us, after all fate ran through our starry veins
And it must've been in the interval between seconds that our honest eyes spoke without the use words and meaningless sounds that could never describe the connection we felt in that moment
The time on your watch was futile as the clothes escaped our compressed bodies
The innocent heat of my body embodying the seasoned essence of yours
It was pure intuition that told me the timing was right
I fell in love with your naked soul, I fell in love with your everything
Our lips collided in the most delicate way, your tongue gliding smoothly against mine
Your sensuous embrace, my hips begging you to encircle them with your safe and steady arms
We interlocked our fingers as our hearts did the same
Our bodies melted together in the most beautiful way
Your lips were plush and delicate, your heart thumping as you whispered gently into my ear
"I love you"
And the heightened sense of romanticism came to a ******
"I love you too"
The candle flames swayed against our heavy breaths and swift motions
We became one, we were in love
And I fell beside you, the silence was no bother, our eyes kept speaking
And my infinite smile resting against your heartbeat; the one thing keeping me from giving in
I felt your eyes on me as I drifted off into a relaxed slumber, the sweat encompassing our bodies, it was no bother
A sempiternal moment, a coherent memory, an imperishable love
We are one, we are in love

The sunlight finds a crevice in the blinds to peak through and nudge me as in lay asleep. I am awakened by the gentle touch of warmth resting upon my left eye and cheek. With my eyes still shut, the chirping of the birds is projected in a much more distinct sound. I can feel everything, it is all heightened. Nature rises from its slumber and begins the day's work. Soon enough the sun hits it's peak and I can no longer hide away in my bed, avoiding life. It is time to face the world head on, and show it some kindness. I hear there is such thing as good karma. It's not that I hate life, I just don't show it enough love. And I may tend to despise every person walking over others to climb the social ladder, but I do not neglect the beauty of Earth and it's reflections on a minority of the population. Sometimes, I feel as if nature is the only sense of sanity left in the world which has mutated into a world of insanity and anarchy. The clouds are hovering over my favorite dogwood tree just down below, at my favorite park. I try my best to not let the tight constrictions of my thoughts encumber me in my goal of appreciating all of life's offerings. Once I pass through another fleeting day, the sun disperses underneath the mountains before I get a chance to wave it goodbye. As the luminous moon introduces itself to the stars floating around in the sky, I fall into bed beside a man who shows me no affection. I drift off into a peaceful slumber as my pessimistic thoughts engulf my mind into a state of manic depression, and I hate everything all over again. I cannot wait until the sunlight warms my face the next morning. If I make it that far.

Your body was cold and lifeless as it entered the morgue
But your heart was relentlessly beating and the lights were so bright they could've blinded you right then
They declared you dead right as you came through the door
With your smile miles away, thousands of feet underground
Your unforgiving diamond eyes losing their luster, the irises suffocated by the negative images that were presented before them
It was his crooked heart and broken smile that killed you wasn't it?
His impassive and brute  being shot you in the back the second you entered your apartment
The scene of the crime, the morgue, the cemetery, it is all interchangeable
He ruined you here didn't he?
You could've traveled the world and felt all of nature's delicate touch's
But his message left your worrisome and naïve personality to retreat back to the insane asylum of a home
And you died here
He killed you, didn't he?
You would've been fine had you stayed away
But you came rushing back to him, despite his absence and your contrite feelings toward him
You were yet another victim of death by arrival

You are not living; you are merely existing in world where the human race would never grow endangered
Are you just another eight digit number on America's attendance sheet walking down the same road your whole life?
Or are covering up the numbers with letters to reveal a name, skipping over the cracks engraved into the sidewalk aching to pull you beneath the surface?
Are you breathing in air and exhaling carbon dioxide?
Or are you letting in the world's endless exuberance and exhaling the negative fumes of a mundane existence?
You must exist to live, no, calumny, even then you may create a world of fiction in which an apparition of your liking swoops into the world and lives alongside you, sharing the riveting experiences you decide on having
You must live to exist, no, calumny, even then you can hole up in the darkest corner of your attic and breathe as any other living person may do, but you can stay there forever, stagnant and trite
Happiness is metaphoric, and may be interpreted as you please, but know this:
To live, to be fulfilled in every dream you've ever dreamt, to be content in every relationship you've ever had the pleasure of encountering, recognize that happiness is but a metaphor for life
We must believe this to be true if we exist as an unimportant particle in a world bustling with significance
You can suffer throughout your entire existence,
Or you may take the metaphor and morph it into a physical representation of your life
Prove us wrong, that happiness is not a metaphor
Show us that happiness is concrete
And that happiness is real

He clings onto a breeze that's already found another head of hair to ruffle and selection of papers to rummage through
With emerald eyes losing the sparkles that once blinded a woman with a tendency to fall in love at the mere sight of a soft glow hidden beneath a smile or carrying the heavy bags under tired eyes

He clutches onto an evanescent sun, hiding behind a set of rusting leaves, carried away by the soft wind
With chapped lips losing the color that once ran vibrantly through his veins, enthralling a woman to fall to his tender kiss as he wrapped her into him

He embraces the steaming cup of coffee his fingers curl around, warming his increasingly numb hands, frozen by the air's cold and bitter bite
With silky brown hair just peaking out of his cap losing it's electrification that once enticed a photograph from a woman who was attracted to his gentle, supple caress

He releases his frozen breath that consumes the environment in front of him, a misty fog that possesses his vision
With racing tears flooding his face, the cries almost push themselves through, but instead put out the fires blazing inside his conscious, left over from a woman that used to leave matches beside his heart when the winter encountered his soul

He scratches the memories from his mind that seemed to overpower his every thought, imperializing his every emotion, raising an assortment of rages within
With uneven heartbeats blurring his mind, erasing his train of thought only to get off at the next stop where a woman stands and delivers a devilish kiss to his chapped lips, filling him with life only to **** it all out of him as she pulls away

Anarchy, deception, release, anguish
He can't tell the time on his watch as his vision fades into the darkness of the sky that seemed to be a reflection of his inner being
A devil in disguise, he fell into Hell when he fell beside her in bed
Anarchy, deception, release, anguish
He's been through all of the seasons
He's been through all of the stages

He tears apart the heavy veneer holding him back from living
The elasticity of his sanity stretching as far as it possibly could
The woman that once sewed him together
Has now severed each and every stitch that made him whole
But he lets go
He throws away his coffee and travels on
Leaving the memories and the anger buried in the dirt he stood upon moments ago
He's finally freed from the evils that sought out to ruin him