I remember the days when we were two stupid kids,
we were eating blackberries grown on tombs
and the moon was just a big stone
the sun was leaving its last breath on.

Now I am looking for you on the Wood street
where you last time smiled at me,
on the Wood street where people eat with their hands
the remains  of those burned by unhappiness,
while fools sing about love and dreams and the holes in their hearts.

I am looking for you
and I don't know whether you are a human or a dream
or the ash
that slips through my frozen fingers.

Maybe you are just the hole in my soul,
maybe the moon is more than a big stone,
maybe I loved you
maybe
you are still there somewhere
in the Sun's last breath.
Maybe it's just your smile
that has burned
covering my soul
my hands.

The most terrifying catastrophes
Are words wrapped around my brain.
How my lungs fill with liquid
And screaming only calls the darkness
Closer
My arms welcome it
Without my permission because
Darkness
Is my oldest friend
My most dangerous enemy
My unwelcome companion in the middle of the night
But without the darkness
I would become nothing
An empty shell that used to be
Full of mystery

There is a monster in my head
He whispers
Filling my brain with cobwebs
Making it impossible to think
You coward
He whispers
It echoes around the
Hollow
Cave that is my head
I was so empty
Yearning to be filled
he came to my rescue
Filling me with new thoughts
You are ugly
I try to tell the difference between
Our voices
But we sound so similar
Is it my voice protesting
Saying I’m beautiful
Or is it his
A lie whispered through
Cracked lips
You should eat less
Maybe thats his
but it sounds like good advice
So I’ll do it anyways
Everyone despises you
is that mine
She’s just toying with you
It sounds so true
Pills are so pretty
Why don’t I take some more
Maybe then you’ll be pretty
The white might bleach my skin
Pretty pinks
Will fill you with
Joy
Yellow will give me sunshine and
Happy days
You shouldn’t eat that
I should stay in bed
No one comes to see you anyways
Lie
So they they won’t feel obligated to
Fake concern
Because
I am worthless
I am ugly
I am wrong
I am the monster
And the monster is me

Still silence filled with the warmth of your body radiating on me while we sleep
I wouldn't dream of being anywhere else other than lying next to you
The light is just dim enough that I can see
the smile you give me after we kiss goodnight
I can't sleep, I can't dream, if I can't have you here with me
Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety
I CAN'T BREATHE
You should be home by now
Where could you be?
Did you find someone better
Someone 10 times better than me?
Anxiety, Anxiety, Anxiety
You are my anxiety relief
So baby please hurry home
So I can fall asleep peacefully
You here with me