He used to be in the center of it all
always living in the moment,
Enjoying life in its very essence

Then he got a camera
changed himself and his name

Now he takes pictures if those in the center of attention
Taking amazing photos of those living life in its essence

Now he can't be found as he is hiding behind the camera
Disappearing into someone that is invited to parties for the photos

He has grown small and secluded into a view frame
One sees what he sees and does but not who he is

He is the boy behind the camera

I used to look into your eyes and see galaxies.
And I'd chase you to the end of the universe,
Running laps around the solar system just to get your attention.
But now all I see are eyes.

You used to look at me like I was a goddess and I'd simply stare back in awe because I'd never experienced anything so rich with emotion,
Such deep and fiery breaths of passion embedded within our every inhale.

But instead, we'll close our eyes and let sleep blanket our never-still thoughts, for it's completely irrational and I'm tired of running.

I remember a time when I looked at you and the chocolate brown black holes
of your eyes drew me in,
When I wished to dance among the stars in your brain, tracing constellations
from your neural pathways.
A time when the attraction of your beautifully imperfect face was more powerful than
the most powerful intermolecular forces,
and there was nothing I wanted more than to prove that it isn't ionic bonds that are the strongest, but love.
With you.

Now, there are no stars performing their fiery routine in the depths of your eyes,
no gravity to **** me in past the point of no return, as I used to be.
Nothing.
Empty space is all that remains of the intergalactic event that occurred in my mind.
What happened?


I remember the darkest corners of my universe being filled with temperatures and light in immeasurable quantities,
When I loved you.
When the wires in my brain were shot from the sheer energy of this force.


Now, having been reconstructed, no such forces pass.
My universe is once dark again. Speckled with lights of reason and logic.

As it should be.


I don't know what happened.


But, it's...



*.....finally......

I never realized I carried this little shadow
That awful mistakes from the past actually have consequences

I thought I was invincible before
that I could act and feel
and actually be above someone else

When in reality I was far below.

Thanks to these times when I had hurt others
with no immediate punishment

I suffer now
By being closed off
to all those wonderful people
That I broke apart for pleasure

Sunrise rays peek over the horizon
Illuminating the red-speckled landscape
Swaying in wind, flowing as the sea
Lovely, and symbolic.
The red rose stands out among the tulips and weeds.


Sunrise rays peek into the window,
Illuminating the bedroom in disarray.
The woman wakes up, half in her dream.
She dresses herself up, and leaves for work.
Her red dress stands out among the suits and coats.

Sunrise rays peek into the cave
Illuminating the dusty, smoggy rock
Sparkling and gleaming,
A diamond against coal.
The red jewel stands out among the shale and limestone.

the first step to recovery
is not admitting you have a problem
**it's admitting you need help

Discrimination
is an elevator that only
                                goes
                                down.

Catching feelings on a breeze, ingesting emotions inhaling you

I need to cry, shout out in frustration
That would bring attention in the city streets
and I cannot set a bad example in my uniform
I have to quietly walk these halls with a smile
As an internal storm rages on