Maybe I should stay alone
I always knew that I won’t be good at love
I hurt myself more than I ever hurt other
Alone or not it keeps hurting
Deep down I just know I am stilll not saved even if I try to hide this scare everyday it always comes back every 3 years like if every 3 years I remember what happened 3 years before those 3 years before those ones

3 is then my breaking number

But it kind of always get better when I break the circle

Will be now a year, a year I put on paper everyday my feeling

All those feeling make me think that I should always go when I just want to stay

And once again I want to escape to go far, will someone ever know how to hold my hand and tell me how not to go?

If he is too perfect I go, too loving, too addicted, too boring, too far, too old, too young I always leave afraid that love could take me.

If wish he could be older,
I wish he could see I am still here
I wish he would remember me as one of the best part of his life
If wish I could have help
I wish I could have been there
I wish that you wish much more for yourself than my lost soul
Because after all, you told me that if you love someone you should let them be happy.

I want to live in my dreams the one where everything always goes right and I am the only one to decide when it goes left.

Do I really ever regret going left ? I don’t really know because every time I feel empty the only way I see is left.

Right is nice, left feel so good.

I can’t believe that I was taking about what i want and I just write going left.

Anyway right is right, left has left.
—-
Then he said I love you

I have the feeling I got all I ever wanted nevertheless I still don’t feel full.

Sometimes I feel so empty and I can’t control it. Then I remind myself that I have much more than anyone around and that should complete me. But I have been educated in a way that I don’t have to care about what other have and I should especially never compare myself to any. That this will be the way to find happiness.

But those days I can’t stop comparing to make myself feel better for 5 minutes and then the good feeling goes.

Come on brain let’s think by ourselves let’s forget them around let’s focus on what we want.

You find yourself in your lies and you think i don't know while i am laugh at all your words. I told you i beleive in action and not words.

When you are in front of me your red eyes talk to me and share your lies with me. Oh dear if you only know what was the limit between reality and escape.

But your dark side is always there, your only matter you have with me is that i have been to hell many times. A martyr of the devil can't fight an other one.  

More you lie more i escape, but i some how like the way you lie it keep my weapon strong and my heart as bright as the gold, as strong as a rock.

The best part of it is that i take pleasure watching you, find yourself in your lies.

I remember loving a lot of you.

Teenage lovers.

My first was useful, my second kind, my third animal, my forth useless and my fifth friendly.

We were teenagers.

Now stop there and remember when we were teenagers. All those small situations and compliments that makes you feel unbreakable like the world belong in your hands.

Teenage love.

I miss this love so much. Maybe that was the one I needed after all.

Teenage love is pure, is crazy, is for life in our mind. Oh but remember how Teenage love is painful? Do I really want to get there?

Teenage love have no fears, let me get there.

Tell me, after all which love is the best when you know all of them ?