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River Apr 2017
You reckless sunflower child
Whipping wildly in the wind
Your fagrance is the essence to my soul
Your song is sung and I find myself on the moon
You're a fiery abyss of passion,
Living fervently on the sun's edge
You're an iridescent wave, bathing me in unconditional love
A butterfly bursting out of cocoon
Leaving the nest of certainty
Fly! Fly high and far away
Heaven's angels have been awaiting your departure from the familiar
You are free now, to rediscover who you are meant to be
Wild sunflower, uproot yourself
And fly along the breeze
You will seed the earth beneath you
A whole world of growth will come from this defeat
Just let go, and grab your wings and lose your feet.
  Apr 2017 River
Jack Jenkins
some days we shine bright
some days we're not right
i've given you my heart
let's make another start
missing you has never been
comfortable

i know there's fear here
but i will always be near
in my arms you won't fall
we will always stand tall
missing you has never been
comfortable

*you were ripped away
& i can't just magically
be okay with that
River Mar 2017
Rain is like music to my ears
Opening up my senses
Dropping all my pretenses
So I can finally sing the victory song of my heart
Hallelujah

It's been a long uphill battle
And I'm far from my destination
But my heart's resignation has faded
And I felt the life return into me
After I dispelled all those tears from my body

I have so many hang ups, insecurities and doubts
But I still keep moving forward
For with every step I take
A chain that binds me breaks

Hallelujah
Is what I sing all my days
For God is good and
God saves.
River Mar 2017
Why?* is all I can manage from my lips
I don't understand this life
It's like some sort of cruel game
You think you know where you're going
But then everything gets taken away

All I ever wanted was certainty
Before I give my heart away
Because I've loved before and
I loved hard
But the ones I had loved left my bleeding heart dying on the floor

I can never quite express accurately
In love my heart races and my mind scatters, incoherently
I've got so much suppressed I say you've got to be kidding me
All I want is authenticity
But I'm so scared to be the real me

All I can see is me repeating the same cycles relentlessly
Love is the drug I shoot in my veins
To relieve all the suppressed pain
But it's all in vain
Because when I finally wake up from the daze
I realize the love I clung on to for my very life was shallow and blind
For the love that I put on a pedestal
Is revealed
No longer can infatuation conceal
The demons of the object of my affection
My head now is in a daze,
My life is in upheaval and needs correction
I sit here on a naked floor
Like lava the floor swallows me alive
As I witness the dream I dreamt of love
Disintegrate
Turned to ash
Right in my very hands
I smother the ashes on my face
As I wipe away the tears
Of another love gone asunder
Fake love,
Okay, I said it
Fake love.
River Mar 2017
These tears are like spears to my heart
My mind is so numb
Stripped of all it's moisture
I guess I haven't desensitized myself enough
I tried to never feel again
I almost succeeded
And yet a tactless mouth uttered not well thought out words
And now they're all tucked in their bed
Dreaming of their unmet fantasies
While I'm here
Trying desperately to console myself without numbing
All the while crying these burning tears
Where's the empathy? I ask
But I guess they've never felt this amount of pain
I had held it down for so long
But it reemerged,
And in my eyes comes the unceasing rain.
River Mar 2017
My heart is a swing
Swinging to conclusions
My mind is a pendulum
Going back and forth, me never making up my mind

Vacillation is a part of my anatomy
It's the chaos that thrills me

And yet I feel so safe
In the womb of certainty.
River Mar 2017
Forever my soul has been a soujorner
A constant fighter, a constant learner
A rebel against the odds
A girl blossoming from a barren pod
And so how could it be
That my resilient soul can never rid itself of melancholy
It's trivial, not pivotal
The emptiness inside echoes in my being
I walk these dead streets at night
Not even the wind is breathing
I think about how
There was a time before I existed,
And yet here I am now
Realer than a cloud

Tears start to well in my eyes
I keep walking and think how no one ever will realize
The deep and constant pain I have inside
It would only burden them to let them know
That I'm sad because life can't be the way I dream it could be
There are just too many "should be"s I have to attend to
There's no time for childhood pretending
Where dreams are possible and opportunities unending

It's just another sullen day
That I realize I'm so far from my dreams
I'm still riddled with all my therapy resistant foibles
And I will just live this monotonous day,
Again.
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