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Ilva  Apr 2012
Stars/scars
Ilva Apr 2012
I am waiting for the stars to lead me
Away from this late night double-feature
But I just can't get these scars to leave me

Our time was too short
For me to realise
That a five-star last resort
Was all I was to you

I should have been the wiser
I should have seen the womaniser
In time to stop myself from
Building you inside me

I fell in love with the beauty in the bridges
And the richness of the ridges
Connecting you to me

Can't you see
How this poetry
Is defined by everything I've ever laid my heart on
Every race I've ever had a head start on
Every game I've ever played a part in
And every end of a new beginning of mine starting?

How can I wake up
Into a new day
When all I have left of you still belongs to this one?

How can I be redone
When I can't even say
The sounds that make up the music of my name?

How am I supposed to move on
When everything still looks the same?

I've bid farewell to the vows we'll never take
And I've said goodbye to the children we'll never make

Yet I will wait for you indefinitely
And like a dream that's blown apart
I will wait for you
At the bottom of my heart
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2016
i like that phrase, what a handsome
ransom to pay a man into
transcending being a pen-pal
and instead a constant atmosphere of attention,
like: ooh honey pooh bear,
you take that earl grey tea of yours with
honey or light-brown shoo gar?
no wait, i said camomile, i didn't say two kids!
and when they think they know you,
they anonymously "think" / purposively insinuate
you'd actually say that sort of **** in your
day-to-day exercises of: ah wait, sun's been here
before, right?
exactly, there's no pooh bear here for you -
there's me, my shadow, a football dribbled for
2 miles to state... well... eh;
of the cursed alignment - (she) oh look at me
peacock look at me peacock all with l'oréal
slogans and cosmopolitan magazine quizzes -
(he) i say, when you tried being a womaniser
after discarding all long-lived potential mates,
your only salvation comes in a chocolate-box
of celibacy and jokes, where you're forever
the no. 1 joke - well, someone had to dangle on
the crucifix, but as Patti Smith and Shaggy said:
it wooz'ent n00b me.
Kevin Rodrigues Feb 2014
He had no chance they had no face
his gun in his waist having a cup of tea
he did not see them come they moved silently
His phone was his distraction for he was a womaniser
and his wife was no cook or good wife so he never wanted to be there when his children wasn't.
they moved like an owl in the dark of night
but when he looked up it was too late they jumped out
each with an ak-47 shooting as they go he draw his gun but never go to use they took his hands off and shot him in the face but my dad was a warrior you see
he got back up but they shot him in the leg came over his body and let it rip BRAP BRAP BRAP! Thats all was heard they left speedily for they just killed a mafia king heaven knows where they went but they know what they did. All I have now is hate in my heart and I'm searching the war isn't Over for I'm now getting started.
This was in my heart for a while its the execution style  ****** of my dad
Mateuš Conrad  Jul 2016
the rain
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2016
the rain is collecting onomatopoeia (rare
to find a word with plurality in it
misspelled in the geometric hyper-linear
onomatopoeias) -
ever think of the womaniser bred
from feminism? i know you haven't,
and i know you won't before playing
the Shelley game of test-tubes -
your ideals i'll never die for -
i'd be in the trenches during the first world war,
but your world, i don't want to be part of.
she read Huxley, he played football -
he was an outdoor kind of guy,
she was a moth rather than a butterfly,
a new breed of womanisers has spawned -
turns out my kind are the idiots -
well... hello darling, welcome to the real world.
the rain is pouring out there, god playing
piano, looking for both onomatopoeia and metaphor...
it's drain drain drip... it's hospitalised drain
drain drip and the words that encourage
the wholly vacant - the rain -
imagine the evolutionary tactic approached with
assimilation, the invisible immigrants i call them -
they're there, they always want
the dumb innocent Alexei Karamazov to marry,
but when it comes to the events via Ivan as
hidden wedlock, they want the knights of Charlemagne
to *****-slap them silly for the crown of menopause -
i.e. what if i wasn't a woman and never wished
to be one?! freeze the *****, invoke onto me
a belittled version of ****** - you know you are neo
accomplices, and now defence from feminism will
spare you such association;
just remember why the Nazis loved science,
feminists love it too! more in the extreme -
all that's missing is the eradication of Eastern Europeans -
a fear of Russia - most feminists are in love
with the potentials of science like Nazis -
i kept my phallus in a pickle jar to prove her point
that she wanted to reign over the role of the Paraclete
as the comforter of futures to come -
god she loves the fascists - the womanisers in
feminism and the idiots that marry her -
leave her! let her utilise the full potential of a Frankenstein!
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2016
bring them slaving, bring them tailoring, harvesting and matchstick sharpening a well measured strike; i'd rather die among them than among either of these or either friendships, as might be easily counted equal should the utopian dreams be finally fulfilled - i rather hang with them than have such dreams fulfilled for a gory nice radio broadcast of: ooh ooh, here's an advert woo ah ah, monkey doodle do do do... James Bond's the name, Saharan Martinis is the game... storm me a sly cold one of those, shake the Copernicus cranium while you're at it - i.e., get the womaniser's reality straight while you're at it: flashy wristwatch chequer check check (minding the winks)... 9.30a.m.*

if there is hope
in me, let me see it!
none of this
distancing as argument,
a worthwhile
read like a document's
small print; let me see it!
if i can't forget your promise
i can't make it!
let me see the small print
and cherish the pre nuptial
as an equal!
what are you now? nazis of
the female genitalia enforcing?!
blue eyes
blonde hair
makes you think
****
what's a woman like that
doing in a city like this
reminds you of times
more innocent
less crazy
before
the war
she fought against
she laughs
and i think
i don't wanna be
no womaniser
no more
kisses like sunset
at four in the afternoon
dances like a narcissist
only the best
the strong
survive
that ain't me
itsall iwrite Aug 2018
wednesday cbb review 30.08.18

wednesday started off solid
not just for a loner
ben and dan both thinking squalid
its why both had *****.
a little bit from septic
getting right will rally
for jermaine nothing but hectic
on leaving she got right clever sally.
both nominees saying much
eviction or staying can not come soon
both want to stay in touch
hardeep and chloe are both over the moon.
marriage advice from kirsty
won't make most smile
work in progress is causing thirsty
like poetry nothing creative after a while.
ben was again enhancing
it may well be perceived shabby
patric and baby dancing
translated that's ben and gabby.
onto ***** laundry
this mission was poetic scenes
showing the world and all in sundry
crafty nick spilt beans.
hardeep and rhyan not hard
scenes soon had fading
nick got to write birthday card
with washing machine pleasure in stock trading.
dan doing to ben foxy
but all did dis-spare
not liked by roxy
she deliberately messed hair.
back to trade
nick will again take skinning
natlie was first to fade
like stock market not winning.
jermaine getting worried about follow
maybe needed a cold fanta
can you see the swallow
its not just ban-ta.
nick was observing
HMP no booker
2 lady's must be reserving
kirsty labelling both a ******.
now a bit of stenching
really was vermin
chloe and kidnapping was heart wrenching
disgusting a vile when said ketamine.
again jermaine trying to wriggle
womaniser is no obsession
the no ring may suggest single
but more "i like you in confession".
chloe did disappear
eviction glamorous and not cheap
did you see rhyan with hardeep fear
support he has got is a heap.
ending with a wink
ben and jermain not able to funk
unaware as of the drink
evident is the player even if drunk.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
i'm feeling good... i'm charging up... i've been charging
up for about four days so far...
jerking off without climaxing...
fixating on the crack: the grand canyon(s) between
the the ******* and ***...
my god... sprinkle some blues on me:
give me some alcohol... i need a straitjacket...
a... straightening-jacket...
i look sort of hunched... wild-eyed in my head:
but obviously playing poker externally...
i'm charged... Duracell bunny on the ready...
i can't wait for tomorrow...
that ****** shift... finishing at 9pm but getting
paid until 11:30pm...
i don't mind... the number of gigs i've seen...
sure... Coldplay have created the best atmosphere...
i hardly looked in the direction
of the stage... i was looking at the crowd
enjoying themselves: by "consultation" with the crowd:
i was enjoying myself...
     the best precursor for an hour in a brothel awaits me:
how many tender wrists did i touch...
fiddling with the wrist-bands last time?
ugh... sausage fingers of mine...
shy girls with wrists the girth of my *****...
ha ha... exaggeration... close enough... some...
me fiddling with tender hands trying to focus on
the binding... of course i touched them "up"...
well... the most tender meat in man is...
on the inner-parts... on the inner-parts of legs:
where thighs are external...
around the wrists... i sometimes elevate *******
to caressing myself around the inner skin
of my arms...
recently: rather: today: i started thinking about...
Albert Fish... it's not like i have a fetish for
American serial killers...
but you have to admit... inserting needles into your
groin prior to execution...
this inability to feel pain?
   exquisite... it had to be...
   or rather: it's not about not feeling it: it's like
that android in Prometheus exacted while
watching Lawrence of Arabia:
it's not that it hurts: it's not minding that it hurts...
i'm going to enjoy tomorrow...
fat chance of my going back to that Lahore curry house...
that Tikka Lamb wrap was utterly ****...
i'm heading for the cheapest... chain-gang-burger at
McDonalds... it's one thing to appreciate
the independent bicycle shop to get your bicycle fixed:
quiet another for any local north London grub:
just give me the Romford chicken shop alternative
just right off the station...

wrist-bands again... i'll be touching up so many maidens
up... perfect for me: i have a fetish for hands...
for hands... wrists just dissolve me...
shy eyes to boot...
i frenzy in a deep freeze while there's only heat
around me!
to hell with being a political creature:
to hell with being a social creature...
what i learned from Marquis de Sade i elevated
to the statures of Ovid: and i became alchemical!
i'm not stopping...

the crudeness of Marquis de Sade mingling
with the nobility of Ovid... what will you get?
you won't get... that crude example of
the womaniser that was Casanova...
perhaps: if i had the money i already have...
but then: life would be boring...
i like living a life not having what i could easily
have... if... i sold a few things in my property:
but... that would be boring... boorish...
i'm sentimental about beetroots...
and potatoes...

                         you probably didn't ask but i'll tell you:
women... of such volume... i... i...
i just can't help myself...
they have bodies that embody you...
they mingle with you...
they're like serpents...
i might have to do some extra push-ups...
i am high: perhaps drinking:
but the mere thought of *** secured is
like a drug...
of all sorts... i hope i don't dream up
anything... i probably won't...
    
i have ***** socks... even though i mopped the house
today... i can't find my loafers...
oh no no: i know where i have my shoelaces...
they're still attacked to my shoes...
what?!

the age of the guitarists is over...
it's down to the drummers and the bassists...
i should have started playing the drums...
i'm usually perched on a windowsill with
an invisible crow pounding out a rhytn:
hey! if Walt Whitman can write a song
of self-celebration!
i'll better him!

it usually takes three degrees of separation...
for me? it only takes two...

bassists: Michael Balzary (Flea)
  "vs." Justin Chancellor...
               Red Hot Chilli Peppers vs. Tool...
likewise the drummers...
Chad Smith "vs." Danny Carey...

        i'm not going to entertain any dialectical
approach: my opinions are fixed...
hmm... Socrates... what you think about
aesthetic-dialectical-fixations?
they have to exist, no? i just stated mine...
you can't approach certain matters
of discussion with a dialectical approach
to undermine your opponent
with a counter argument?
Socrates... you're not going to persuade
me! aesthetics lies outside the realm
of dialectics! the eternal motto:
beauty lies in the eye of the beholder:
you will be unable to change, my, mind!

you can't!
you can't tell me what i like or what i don't
like: what i'm supposed to or not supposed to, like!
which is why the idea of fame:
so many people aspire to: is so... flimsy...
it's flimsy because: the fame that is supposed
to arrive with it: is so selective:
if i were to call on fame: i'd call upon a deity!
all must know: or none at all!

i'm hardly begrudging: i'm just willing
to allow: people to make the willing sacrifices to understand
that... fame is a difficult process of
attainment: me? i'm aiming for fame...
after i die... not when i'm alive: hell no!
but not even Socrates... attired himself
in undermining the arts...
too scared... the ****** marched into war...
but attacking artists was too much for him...

what, dialectic when it comes to art?
people are fickle... "class" A likes art B...
"class" B likes art C...
you can't avoid the tides of the Thames
or the seas like you can't avoid the whims and fickleness
of peoples' preference regarding what
art is to be liked: what art is to be ignored:
what is to be abhorred: and what's to be
discarded!

there's no room for dialectical reasoning
when the sole reasoning is
a collectivised matter of: consensus!
there's no room for a quest for independent thinking
in some areas of life... art... entertainment:
no chance!
   one can at best: make hypothesis after hypothesis
at a distance... but never
able to implement any change...
no change is going to come
from an idea toward a system that behaves
with a kinship to its natural environment...
the entertainment industry changes with
what can be: at best... ascribed to a flock of investors:
or their lack of...

scared baby boomer typos of period-drama zombie folk
too scared to attempt euthanasia...
oh: but i'm here...
i'm gearing up...
i have my wet lips... tomorrow i'm hoping
to **** on a *******'s **** for free...
i'm here... whoever the **** i am...
i'm getting ready...
i'll die: that is certain...
but perhaps i'll have a legion of shadows
to manage...
who knows! after all, god is dead!

but before i go? i need children and animals on my side...
i need to showcase a few examples of
my benevolence on these poor creatures...
i need to be kind to children... i need to be kinder
to animals... the rest? will follow...
i've already done some of the exacted work...
thank you: thank you me, me... thank you: me...

that's how "the" hierarchy works...
first... be kind to animals... regardless of your
dietary requirements... the ones you pet...
what's that infamous Kurt Zouma chant
about kicking cats: left right and centre?
it doesn't matter about the diet...
pets... insects are enough proof...
i personally can't **** a fly... mosquitos?!
**** them! those crucifix fixators!

second? treat children in kind: with your own
stature: perhaps treat them with less of your
own stature...

thirdly? women... esp. the prostitutes...
no shame... no agitation...
i feel no pains over her experiences...

fourthly: my fellow man?
like i might treat my own shadow: i basically avoid it...
or: if i must... i peer into it
like a woman might peer into a mirror
and i find something difficult to carry
for a day's worth of carrying anything to begin with...

this has been a day's worth of carrying:
the weight of the entire day...
with sunrise and sunset...
with all the inhibitions of youth
and the exhibitions of old age...

2am is upon me... there's plenty of time to sleep:
and "wish"... Freud can *******...
i don't dream....
i just see or sleep...
                           dreams are the "vantage" pointers
of people that are reminiscent of people:
they're simply peopled-leftovers....
it was: nice... to learn something a little
via being dehumanised...

great learning...
               while they entertained their ******* Ascot...
while they glorified their clinging
to the crown...
i saw termites undermine the glorification
of hell's emblem of the crucifix...
heaven?! heaven didn't send the Lord of Mosquitos
into these realms!
hell did... 2000 glorious years
of progress via suffering!
and what have we achieved?!
the most glorious of things!

                                               hmm!
i dare to think: or not think!
i think we're living in a period whereby
Moloch will arise...
              western woman's fascination
with infanticide...
                    the Epoch of Moloch just started...
hell and all its fury is making a comeback...
for long ago did we fall into this dominion
of metaphors?!
                          ancient times await us... to try to
remember... perhaps that's why i'm not dreaming
when i'm sleeping...
ancient times await us...
perhaps god is forgiving giving the idiots surrounding
him:
perhaps the vanity i.q. of the likes of us
wasn't such a bad thing...
boys! i think we've been told to ascend!
gather up your marching orders!

we're going up! oh no... believe me...
we won't be singing!
apparently no cellos or violins... in the godly choir:
that's... about to change...
we'll be the orchestra! while the innocently new-born
will remain the choir!
oh... but we're going up...  Moloch took over...
women are making sanctity of baby-sacrifice their
natural right equivalent to giving birth!
no wonder the population of Africa and that
of India is exploding...
   i get it: life's too expensive...

Dante, or Milton?
            either: neither...
                             what's happening right now?
thank god i didn't invest in having children...
i'm so glad: oh so glad...
                 i just need one rotten idea of mine
to pass into a mind of a someone i'm genetically unrelated to!

— The End —